vanity < confidence

About a month ago I joined 365. I really thought that taking a single picture of myself everyday would not be too far reaching since I have the SK at my side pretty much every second of every minute of every day. I like email. And AIM. And knowing that I can navigate my way home if I get lost – which happens pretty much every single day. *drops 1st Christmas hint ;)*

I have a scattered mind today. So, I wanted to get back into doing this. It’s not even about the picture itself, it’s the TIME. I was reading the blog of another one of the participants and when she’s been telling people about it she said that the overwhelming reaction from her peer’s is that she’s too vain. This reminded me that not too long ago I myself was accused of being vain because, well, let me quote exaclty:

There was one post in particular,
that you talked all this trash about myspace pages and the girls with
their vanity shots***…..are you blind Anna? You probably take more vanity
shots with your sidekick than anyone I know.

So it wasn’t really an accusation. It was more finger pointing than anything but it reminded me that a lot of non-bloggers just… don’t get it. And she didn’t come out and CALL me vain, but the implication was clear. I shouldn’t call somebody else out for taking “vanity shots” because I have so many. Because I’m vain.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that I’m not vain at all. Everybody has some level of vanity. Some people like to dress well, some like to drive fancy cars, some like to be the best gamer, or the best bowler, some like to have awsome makeup… It’s human nature to want to look nice or have nice things. I like those things too! But by the very definition of the word, I am not vain.

Main Entry: vain
Pronunciation: ‘vAn
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, empty, futile, from Latin vanus — more at WANE
1 : having no real value : IDLE, WORTHLESS
2 : marked by futility or ineffectualness : UNSUCCESSFUL, USELESS
3 archaic : FOOLISH, SILLY
4 : having or showing undue or excessive pride in one’s appearance or achievements : CONCEITED

Undue or excessive pride? Hardly. I have flaws. I’m 40+ pounds over weight. I have a monster zip on my left cheek. I went to work today in jeans, a Harvard t-shirt (HA! Harvard! Get it?), a pony tail, tennis shoes and 25% of my makeup done. I have to take medicine to control a naturally occurring chemical in my brain to keep from slamming my own head with the freezer door while singing Mary Had a Little Lamb and blinking 67 times a minute. I take zero pride in actually admitting that!

I have flaws that I am not proud of.

Main Entry: con·fi·dent
Pronunciation: ‘kän-f&-d&nt, -”dent
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin confident-, confidens, from present participle of confidere
1 : full of conviction : CERTAIN
2 : having or showing assurance and self-reliance

Now that definition is much more realistic. My flaws are MY flaws. They make me who I am and they remind me that I’m real. Human. Like the other 6,560,157,869 people in the world.

I guess what it comes down to is that my website is about ME. Not you, or the kid next door, or even Ben or Cassidy. It’s about me so I will showcase ME on MY site. I don’t walk around telling people about my weight fluctuations, or my clothes, or how pretty I am. I don’t push my self confidence on others when I see them in real life. I do it on my site where people can choose to read or not. That’s like telling somebody who has an autobiography they are vain for writing a book about themselves. It’s ALL ABOUT ME!

Such is the way of blogs. It’s the very core of every personal blog out there. So what these people are saying is, every blogger is vain. *shrug* Bloggers have been hearing that for years. Either people get it or they don’t. In 50 years, I’ll get to look back and see how I’ve grown and progressed and looked and changed and read how I felt and struggled and overcame. I don’t, and will never, feel bad about that. Or care about the opinion of somebody who doesn’t understand and is just using it to try and pass judgment on me.

***For the record, the post she was talking about is here and I never mention vanity shots in it anywhere. heh