Okay, I know that I’ve said about 100 times before that I’m not going to post here anymore about Cassidy because she’s getting older, her friends are all on facebook and can easily find their way back to my site and I’d NEVER want to be the reason she gets shit from her friends. 12 year olds are assholes, dude
Buy living with a tween girl is an experience all it’s own. I think in my list of things I’d love to experience again it would fit snugly between colitis and that time I accidentally cut my hand off with the lawn mower. That last one only happened in a dream but still, NEVER WANT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN.
Right now we are in the “special time”. The time when a girl becomes a woman. And then the next day declares she’s over dolls, hates the world and PS can I have money for a ticket to the dance where there will be BOYS. And possible HAND HOLDING. School dances are a gateway drug to teenage pregnancy, I’m convinced.
It took me probably 2 years to warm up to the fact that Cassidy liked boys. I lived in a little denial bubble that Ben promptly burst when I came home one day and he was all, “So Cassidy had a boyfriend but she broke up with him because she saw him holding hands with another girl.”
Exactly two thoughts ran through my head:
1) BOYFRIEND!? Holding hands!
2) I AM GOING TO KILL THAT CHEATING MOTHERFUCKER!
Ben suggested that maybe I was over reacting a little when I mentioned systematically eliminating every tween boy in a 50 mile radius. And even when I agreed not to do that and instead just said maybe we could inject a GPS tracking devise into her neck one night when she’s asleep. I don’t really understand why that’s illegal. If I have to be responsible for paying a fine if she doesn’t go to school, I should be allowed to MAKE SURE SHE’S AT SCHOOL.
GPS your tween. There should be an app for that.
Anyway, this is all just leading to me saying that I’m going to be posting more here about parenthood. It’s hard to have all this stuff going on and not being able to use my favorite rant outlet and I think that since most of my friends are parents of babies or toddlers, I’m kind of your test case. Learn from all the things I’ve done WRONG before you.
And parents, enjoy those sleepless nights and potty training and sore nipples now because YOU DO NOT EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA THE HALF OF IT.