Taking down The Eurocopter

Monday morning:

2:50A.M.
*wakes up*
*listens as helicopter flies over house rather low*
Me: What the hell? Does the asshole realize people are SLEEPING DOWN HERE!
*falls back asleep*

2:55A.M.
*wakes up*
*listens as helicopter flies over house AGAIN. Still low*
*hear Ben stir*
Me: What the hell is with the helicopter?
Ben: *grunt*
*TRY to fall back asleep*
Ben: *snore*

3:00A.M.
*listen to helicopter come back and start to hover*
Me: What the FUCK is going on?
Ben: What’s it doing?
Me: I DON’T KNOW!!
*gets up to look out bedroom window*
Me: It’s shining it’s light around. It’s looking for something.
Ben: Where is it?
Me: Out there. *points out window*
Ben: *grunt*

*goes to living room to look out sliding glass door*
*gets camera*
*contemplates using long exposure and Night Shot mode to capture helicopter*
*realizes I’m far too asleep to get the do all that… shoot I’m having problems turning the thing ON*
*takes picture*
*closes front window and check locks on doors*
*gets back in bed*

Ben: What’s going on?
Me: I don’t know. It’s looking for something. I checked the locks and closed the window in the front because I don’t want some lunatic trying to get away from the police IN THE HOUSE.
Ben: Did you close the sliding glass door?
Me: No. *shit* I’ll go close it.
Ben: Sorry.
Me: No, it’s okay.
*goes back out on balcony and sees the helicopter has now found whatever it is it’s looking for because it’s hovering in one spot with the light fixed on one location*
*close door anyway*

3:05AM
*lay in bed listening to helicopter hover outside our bedroom window*
*contemplate getting up to close bedroom windows but realize the room will get really warm really fast that way*
Ben: *snore*
Me: How in God’s name is he asleep with a helicopter hovering OUTSIDE OUR BEDROOM WINDOW?!?

3:15AM
Ben: *snore*
Me: Oh God if you make it stop I swear I might actually think you exist. Shoot, I’ll become a born again Christian and preach your word door to door. Seriously.
Me: …
Me: Rocket launcher. That’s what would stop it. The heat seeking rocket launcher from the original Unreal Tournament. One shot. Big boom. Back to sleep.
Me: …
Me: Or the BFG!! The BFG from Quake 3. No need to chance any of the fuckers living through the blast. BFG would ensure the assholes would never keep me awake again.
Me: …
Me: Of course, it is over a residential area and the BFG would take out a few houses too because it’s flying so low. I guess the best bet would be a rocket launcher. The Counter Strike rocket launcher would be good too. But the UT rocket launcher is just so easy to use. Keep AIM for 5 seconds and the thing is guaranteed not to miss plus it’s got a smaller blast radius than the CS launcher… Yeah, that’s it, UT rocket launcher.

3:27AM
*helicopter starts to fly away*
Ben: *stirs*
Me: I figured out the best way to get rid of it was the rocket launcher from the original Unreal Tournament.
Ben: *grunts*
Me: I thought about the BGF but the shockwave would have done too much damage to the homes below it.
Ben: Counter Strike’s rocket launcher would have been good too.
Me: Yeah I thought of that too but eventually ruled it out. The UT launcher is the way to go.
Ben: Okay.
…..
Ben: You are going to blog that, right?
Me: Probably.
*cuddles*
*falls asleep*