Honor Roll!

I know that everybody online is probably like WE GET IT, YOUR KID IS AWESOME because I’ve been talking about it everywhere. But we are really proud of her. So you get to hear about it some more!

Cassidy’s BFF Alexis made the Principal’s list which is a 4.0 PERFECT GPA. There were only 8 kids in the class to receive it so we are really proud of her too! Today we went to Costco and bought them some gift cards to the local theater for $25.00 each (you get two $25.00 cards for $40.00 at Costco!) and then took them to the movies. They choose to see Chronicle and Ben wanted to see it too.

Me: When we get there, you two can buy your tickets yourself and food or whatever and we can just meet up after the movie.
Ben: But you don’t have to sit with us.
Cassidy: Okay!
Ben: Actually, you AREN’T ALLOWED to sit by us.
Me: Yeah, we don’t want our friends to see us and be like, “Why are you guys hanging out with those KIDS!?”
Alexis: *giggle*
Me: How embarrassing would THAT be?

Congrats, kids! So proud of you both!

Just not proud enough to be seen with you in public.

Moral: Julie and I met while BEING AWESOME.

СВЕТИ ГЕОРГИActual conversation in the car on the way home from dinner:

Cassidy: Mom, how did you meet Julie?
Ben: In a strip club.
Me: OMG we did NOT MEET in s STRIP CLUB. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN?! DUDE!
Cassidy: hahahaah So, how did you meet her?
Me: Street racing.
Ben: BECAUSE THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER!
Me: Yes, it is.

Naked dancer or criminal street racer. Pick your poison.

My poison was driving fast down long straight farm roads in the dead of night.

Moral: Julie and I met while BEING AWESOME.

I’m going to go make some bacon.

So about a month ago I decided that I needed to eat Mexican food or I would die after physically harming every living creature within 75 miles. I might have been a little premenstrual. Or a lot, whatever.

I love Mexican food. When I want to feel like a kid again, it’s my go to meal. I was lucky enough to be raised with a Mexican extended family. Like, REAL Mexican. Not that Americanized crap you get in a restaurant with premade tortillas and rice from a mix. Enchiladas made with love, mole made with 84 ingredients and simmered ALL DAY LONG then eaten with a batch of tortillas made fresh that day with REAL ACTUAL LARD from a tub. Real Mexican food is made with tubs of lard. TUBS OF LARD, PEOPLE.

Ben: Why do you want Mexican food?
Me: I don’t WANT Mexican food, I need it.
Ben: …
Me: Don’t look at me like that. LOOK AT MY OVARIES!
Ben: You are going to feel like shit later.
Me: No I won’t. Mexican food is MAGIC.
Ben: Yes, stomach aches are magic.
Me: Enchiladas.
Ben: Endless bathroom trips.
Me: Nachos.

We ended up getting Mexican food. Before I put my fork down the magic stomach ache started. As we were leaving the restaurant I started to blame Ben for allowing me to make such a stupid, estrogen driven decision. WHAT WAS HE THINKING!?

I was up ALL NIGHT LONG. The cramps. And the magic stomach ache.

It was bad.

So the next morning I was up before everybody else which is not something that happens on a weekend. EVER.

Cassidy was walking downstairs as I was sitting on the couch after having spent about 20 agonizing minutes in the downstairs bathroom finally ridding myself of all that lardy Mexican poison. LARD IS POISON, PEOPLE!

Cassidy: *deep breath*
Me: *looks innocent* Dude, sorry. I totally turned the fan on.
Cassidy: Did you make… bacon?
Me: What?
Cassidy: It smells like bacon, did you make breakfast?
Me: WHAT!?
Cassidy: I smell bacon!
Me: The only thing I’ve made today is POOP!
Cassidy: What?
Me: I made poop and YOU THINK IT SMELLS LIKE BACON!
Cassidy: EWWWWWWWWW!
Me: HAHAHAHA Mexican food is MAGIC!

For the past month when anybody needs to, you know, do THAT BUSINESS in the bathroom we refer to it as “makin’ bacon” or “I’m going to go make bacon”.

There are three morals to this story:

1. Mexican food is MAGIC.
2. Teenager are actually CRAZY.
3. My poop smells like BACON. Fuck roses, man. BACON!

MAGIC. CRAZY. BACON.

IN ALL CAPS.

Aren’t you glad I blogged now, honey?

Question and Answers with Cassidy. Two years later.

February of 2009 I shot this video of the Cassidy. She said something funny and I was like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? So I grabbed the camera, she grabbed her Hannah Montana microphone, and I peppered her with questions. We happened across it today while watching videos and we were laughing SO HARD it just seemed like the perfect time to do it again!

So here we go. No Hannah Montana this time, no Jonas brothers, instead it’s Paramore and Edward.

The end killed me. The end is literally Cassidy, channeling me. Except with no cuss words.

(PS – Not sure why it’s not defaulting to HD, choose 720P for less grainy goodness. *shakes fist at YouTube*)

Tune in tomorrow when I cry because the toilet paper is on the roll the wrong way.

You guys, I’M SORRY. I apologize in advance for how much this post sucks.

My day was just, you know, a day.

Wake up before the sun, dress in the dark, drive to work, still no sun yet, work, work, work, come home, run, come home, grocery store, come home, cook, eat, bath, and now here with Castle on in the background.

I’m kind of sad because I have to run AS SOON AS I get home or I will have to run in the dark. Tonight I ran back on the path that runs along the levy in our little town. They have a paved path but I like to run the dirt trail closer to the creek with one of the dogs and it started to get that gray dusk color and all of the sudden I was like… Ummm, this is kind of sketchy and I really want don’t have to have to use this pepper spray I carry so I’m going to ahead and get back on the main path.

And my legs are killing me because Kumo, who is SUCH A GOOD DOG in like EVERY OTHER WAY, pulls a lot on these runs and instead of focusing on my pace and form, I’m fighting him from pulling me and it causes my shins to THROB even when I have the wraps on. I swear the dude is the sit/stay king. He’ll sit while we walk 50 yards away then come when we tell him to. I will drop ANYTHING, including food, with a Leave It. He will sit in front of his food and drool PROFUSELY till you tell him Take It so he can eat. He is SO WELL BEHAVED. But put a leash on him and suddenly he turns into a neurotic freak that has to SMELL ALL THE SMELLS RIGHT NOW ALL OF THEM COME ON HURRY THERE ARE MORE SMELLS!

We made an appointment this Saturday for the local Cesar Milan to come do some one-on-one training with us. I’m so happy because I LOVE having one of them with me. People leave me alone, they get exercise, it’s a win/win. And Danica is like, the model dog. Walks perfectly beside me, then trots happily along when I’m running. I don’t even have to hold her leash, I just wrap it around my wrist and know that she’ll not pull at all.

So that was my day. My BIG EVENT was the dog dragging me around like a toy.

OH! No! There was one other thing. So for some reason after my run I was craving asparagus LIKE WHOAH. I don’t even. I blame it on aunt flow. Sometimes I crave chocolate, some times I crave brussel sprouts. I guess it could be worse.

So we are at the grocery store and I’m talking non-stop about how we need to NOT FORGET TO GET ASPARAGUS And Cassidy is like I GET IT! ASPARAGUS! SHUT UP.

So we get to where the asparagus usually is and… there’s carrots instead. I walk a big circle around the vegetable section like three times and I’m SO MAD at myself for not buying it when Ben saw it on Sunday and suggested I buy it but I said no, I wanted FRESH asparagus on the day I made it. And now there is NONE and Cassidy is suggesting other things.

LOOK! BRUSSEL SPROUTS! LET’S GET THESE, MOM! THEY ARE SO GOOD!

And I’m like, I’m about to cry. Because my legs hurt so bad and it’s already dark and late and THERE IS NO FUCKING ASPARAGUS IN THIS STORE and just as I’m about to just say FUCK ALL THIS, leave the basket where it is and drive to In & Out and gorge my sorrows on an animal style burger… I see it. They moved the damn asparagus to an island at the front of the section. Because it’s on sale.

And then instead of tears of frustration, I’m actually wiping away tears of joy and Cassidy is like DUDE! You’re totally losing your mind.

So I have like one or two days at the beginning of THAT TIME where I turn into a little bit of a fucking mess and guess what, you get a front row seat!

Tune in tomorrow when I cry because the toilet paper is on the roll the wrong way.

Pictures of a Sunday.

What day is it? Day 6! I made it past my guestimate! BAM! #WINNING!

So I really tried to do a Day In The Life today. SERIOUSLY! Then I realized at some point that it had been like 3 hours since my last photo and in that time I had gotten dressed, done laundry, gone to breakfast, shopped at Champion ¹ and Pearl Izumi ² and was leaving the grocery store. It was a busy day!

I did take a few pictures though so I’ll post my day in a few photos. I think I might actually try the DItL again tomorrow. Possibly.

Waiting for breakfast. We have limited eating out to the weekends to try and save some money. This was the last meal till dinner time Friday that I won’t have to cook. I ate the shit out of breakfast… and then paid the price for HOURS after that because my tummy was like HAHAHAH EAT BAD FOOD, FEEL BAD! BITCH!

Kumo and Danica had friends over for a puppy play date. Their mom will be here to pick them up in a bit. Currently they are all passed out. PLAYING IS HARD WORK!

Dogs do not get the concept of daylight savings. Danica was like, “It was dinner time 15 minutes ago. WHERE’S MY NOMS!?”

I went for a run in my new gear. It was glorious.

Now I’m working on this. I’m kind of bummed because I had another scarf a little father along than this in the same colorway but I realized after I had completely knit the first skein that I didn’t have another skein from the same dye lot and none of the other skein’s stripes matched. GAH! So I frogged it and started again with a skein that has two more skeins in the same lot. I just wish the stripes in this dye lot were more noticible. I do still think it’s pretty cute. I think it’s going to be a Christmas gift for a special friend.