Honestly? This is why I love this man so much. When I’m PMSing and I come across this thing that I think is SO GODDAMN AWESOME but will probably end up with me being shot at by a disgruntled asswad driver, he’s there to talk me down off that cliff.

Benjamin: http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8e9a/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8e9a/images/2422/
me: OMG!!! I WANT! I WANT!
me: I seriously want that.
Benjamin: Although its a funny idea, I still think that it might be a bad idea for you me: there are no cuss words!
And I bet my ’smile’ to ‘idiot’ would be better than you think.
*ratio
Like 3:1 at least.
And since I could actually SHOW the person what I’m thinking it would mean I’d be less likely to yell it at them when only you can Cassidy can hear it… because they’d KNOW. And that would be the ultimate satisfaction. No yelling necessary!
Are you serious though? I can’t have it?
Benjamin: I’m writing an email right now work related, I’m not even sure if its legal in CA
me: What if I promise not to use it while I’m PMSing?
Benjamin: is it legal in CA?
me: If it’s legal in CA can I get it?
Benjamin: its around the price point that you don’t need to ask, so I don’t know why you’re asking me
me: Because generally, with things like this, you are a better judge of good idea/bad idea.
Benjamin: bad idea
me: heheheheh
(k)
I love you. Even when you are trying to save me from myself.

A few minutes later:

me: hahaa I asked Claudia about it. I usually drive to lunch. Her answer: “As long as you never use it when I’m in the car with you!”

Jenn tagged me! And normally, I don’t do the meme thing because I sit down and am FORCED to think of six things and, HI! Have you ever met me in real life? I have the attention span of a gnat. With ADHD. After a Starbucks Double Shot. Or five.

But I’m going to do it anyway because I love The Jenn*.

The Rules are:
Link to the person that tagged you
Post the rules on your blog
Share 6 non-important things/quirks about your kid
Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs
Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog
Let the fun begin!

1) I’m stealing Jenn’s first because it’s true for Cassidy too. She loves veggies! And broccoli is her favorite! She’s actually asked, all on her own, to substitute fries for broccoli at restaurants. And every time I blurt out ‘IT WAS HER IDEA’ to the waitress because I don’t want people to think I’m some nazi parent that forces her kid to eat veggies. You know, like, RESPONSIBLE and stuff! *shudder*

2) Cassidy has a crazy imagination. You can hand her a gum wrapper and she’ll adopt it, build it a house, name it and have it’s entire life story planned out before the gum loses flavor.

3) She is hungry ALL. THE. TIME. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is, she’s down to eat. My mom swears I was the same way at this age and now I understand all the “hollow leg” jokes because WHERE IS ALL THAT FOOD GOING?! She’s still under on the weight charts but over on the height charts for the kids her age. From what I understand of the family history, the leg fills to capacity at around 18 and the food starts to fill in the ass region… and never stops.

4) She LOVES the Food Network and to cook. I really need to start cooking at home more to encourage this passion. Actually, that’s a really good idea because if she really likes it and gets good at it she can cook us dinner every night! Yeah, definitely on to something there.

5) She snores and talks in her sleep. The talking in her sleep thing can get rather entertaining.

6) She is really compassionate. Most kids complain when they have to go though toys or cloths to give them away and she will fill up garbage bags full of stuff to give. She will give a kid all her money without a second thought and she wants to be friends with EVERYBODY. The whole friend today, not tomorrow 4th grade girl drama is tough on her because she has a really big heart that gets bruised easily. I can’t count the number of times she’s said, “I don’t understand why we can’t ALL be friends.” She’s had two groups turn on her at once because she refused to pick sides in some petty fight. Right now it’s not a big deal because at this age they seem to forget the petty fights in a day or two but I’m worried about what will happen in high school when the petty fights are lead but catty, vindictive, hormone driven Mean Girls.

*I linked you TWICE! SEO optimization FTW! I’m totally whoring out the page rank right now. Anybody else need a link?!

While putting the lid back on a Tabasco bottle:

Cassidy: Is Tabasco a drug?
Me: Uhhhh, no.
Cassidy: But on the back of my book it said ‘Tabasco, alcohol and…’
Me and Ben: *laughing hysterically*
Cassidy: What?!
Me: TOBACCO. Tobacco is what’s in cigarettes. Tabasco is made with pepper, vinegar and salt and makes your eggs taste better.
Cassidy: Ohhhhhh…

When dropping off clothes at her friends so she could spend the night:

Me: Call me in the morning.
Cassidy: I’ll call you when I’m ready to leave.
Me: No. Call me in the morning.
Cassidy: Can I call you when I’m ready to leave?
Me: We can discuss it when you CALL ME IN THE MORNING.
Cassidy: OKAY!

The kid keeps me on my toes for sure. She’s growing into such a cute little bundle of RIDICULOUS ATTITUDE. But some of the things she does, like that conversation at her friend’s house, still make me giggle like I’m nine years old all over again. Of course, I don’t let her see me giggle. That would be admitting defeat and she can’t see that. She has to see me being the cold hearted, uncaring, ruthless MOTHER.

Plus, I make up for the attitude by embarrassing the piss out of her in public. Having no shame is finally beginning to pay off!

Yesterday Cassidy and I took turns playing Guitar Hero III all day long. Then today she went to her friend’s house (and ended up spending the night) while I did laundry, played a little WOW and went to see Charlie Wilson’s War with Lisa.

And then tonight I came home and found out that Amy died. I’ve read her blog on and off for quite some time and she was a pretty active member of a message board that I frequent. This is the first time that somebody from an online circle has passed away and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.

I read back through her archives, and look through her flickr and it’s just… surreal. This person that was so upbeat and young and expecting her first child is just… gone. And what we have left of her are these blog posts and pictures and forum posts chronicling her life.

So it has come to my attention that while I’ve been in internet hybernation that the world has continued to revolve around me and there’s so much to talk about “there’s no excuse to not be posting more than I am.”

*shrug*

I’d like to point out that I’ve been pretty active over on flickr. My 365 attempt has been a BIG SUCCESS so far. And by that I mean, I HAVEN’T FAILED! Yet. Yesterday marked my 49th day which means I’ve officially made it farther than any other attempt. This time I let go of the ridiculous notion that all of my pictures are going to be fabulous and planned and brilliantly photoshopped into perfection. And it’s odd because now that I’m not constantly stressed out about getting a shot up, the days that I do take the time to set them up and then photoshop the hell out of them they are coming out pretty damn well! Some of my most favorite self portraits to date, actually. Here’s a few that I’ve loved so far:

THERE! I’m done whoring myself. For now!

Lets see, what else is going on? Okay, I’ll start with this. I was temporarily pissed off at the internet. I lost a few (what I thought were) good friends over a message board around the end of November and I was just kind of like BLAH. And it was one of those things I really wanted to write about to “let it all out” but I know that it will just create more waves and it’s not really worth it. I never thought that by closing down a message board, so many people would turn into complete idiots and OMGHATE ME FOREVER(exclamation point). And to them I can just say: WHAT. EV. ER. If your way of getting over it is to have to kiss the ass of people that you claimed to hate and treated like shit for over two years so be it. I’m glad I finally found out your true character, which is “two face and spineless” and I’ll leave you with this:

You are a lemming. Enjoy the jump, it’s a long way down.

*splash*

Moving along!

I’m starting a “raw diet” today. Another reason I haven’t been around much is that I’ve been feeling like complete crap. Literally. Everything I eat is being ejected from my stomach in a foul manor. EVERYTHING. I eat plain white rice and suddenly I’m in pain and can’t get more than 100 feet from a toilet without panicking. I’ve done a lot of reading online the last few days and I’m thinking if I can get my body to detox it might help. I’m a little worried about protein intake though so while I might not stick to it as stringently as some people, if I do eat meat it won’t be blue cheese encrusted and doused in butter… sadly.

And lastly! I’ll really try and make a more solid effort to blog more. I have still been reading your blogs (Google Reader = *heart*) daily and need to get back into the swing of things around here.

Oh, the New Year, it as come at last. Except not at last, more like: ALREADY?! Is it just me or do the years get shorter as you grow older? It’s really like an odd Vortex of Time. The days seemed to fly by when I was walking the halls of Garces while the years seemed to drag on forever, but now the days drag on while I sit at work bored blogging but the year seems to pass by in a few blinks.

I know I said before that I would blog and list some resolutions but, yeah, I totally failed the only resolution I made this year the second day of the new year. Which is actually one day longer than I made it last year so, YAY? I plan on getting back on track with that but since I feel like not making myself feel like an Epic Failure at the end of 2008, I’ve decided to list a few things that I’d more call “goals” than “resolutions”. Meaning if I don’t get them accomplished I’ll just be “lazy” instead of a “failure”. Ahh, wonderful semantics.

Goal 1) Grow enough back bone to start taking some real street photography shots. When I look through photostreams all over the internet, I’m always drawn to these little moments in time perfectly captured forever in a single frame. They are so much more “real” than posed shots. The problem is managing to get a shot without GETTING shot. By like, a gun or something. While I have no problem pointing the lens at my family and friends obsessively, I’m not quite to the point where I feel comfortable doing it to random people on street corners. I think that a better zoom lens would help this but until I feel like shelling out that cash, I need to become comfortable doing it with the equipment I have.

Goal 2) Start to explore some of the fantastic culture around me. We live 5 minutes from Downtown San Jose but I actually WENT downtown exactly three times last year and I only drove one of them. I *hate* driving downtown. It’s all full of one way streets that are narrow and the sidewalks are at street level and some of them are ‘bus only’ and some of them have the light rails like, ON the sidewalks and it’s just NERVE WRACKING.

But, I just need to get the fuck over it. My first adventure will be to the The Tech museum this weekend.

Goal 3) Take a class. I haven’t decided yet between English or Photography but I’m leaning towards English. And I don’t want to do it online because I’m too easily distracted. I want to sit in a classroom with other students in front of an actual teacher that keeps me on my toes.

Goal 4) Get my car on the track. This is big step for me and just typing it out actually makes me heart race and my palms get sweaty but it’s something I want to experience. Ben has done SO MANY of the things that I want to do and doing something with him that he is so passionate about is important to me.

Goal 5) Get in a LEAST a blog a week. heh

Goal 6) FINALLY finish 365!

So there ya go. I really hope that so far 2008 is treating you all well!

So as part of my 365 challenge, I’ve joined a group called 30 secrets in 30 days and I think it’s kind of a cool idea so I’ve decided to cross post some of the submissions here.

Here is secret #2:

I’ve struggled for a long time to “find my place” in life. I am a complete tomboy. I love autorcrossing, having a bad ass car to drive, change my own oil and can put my spare on my car in less than 15 minutes. And I’m a total geek. I’ve been going to LAN parties full of smelly boys since I was a teenager and actually lied to my girlfriends about where I was going to avoid the comments. I still play MMORPG’s but FPS’s will always be my first love. I usually code my own websites and am a complete photography and Photoshop geek. But I’m also a shoe-aholic. Those brown Steve Madden shoes are at least 10 years old and that bag of MAC is from last weekend. I’m a closet girly girl.

The problem is that I’ve never been welcomed completely by any group. The girly girls get very pissy about the fact that I can hold my own in my car and don’t have any problem talking “shop” with the boys. Even though it’s never been about getting attention, that’s the card they always throw out there. And the boys can’t ever seem to fully look past the boobs. And the geeks don’t get the makeup, shoes and car talk.

On top of all this I’m a MOMMY. I had two more arms, one with a book and the other with a bunch of Cassidy’s mismatched socks but the layers on this thing were getting to be a little too much to deal with so I left it at 6. Cassidy takes up the majority of my time but I thought that this should be more about ME and MY identity.

I’m not sure I’ll ever fit into any mold and I think it’s stupid that people can’t look past one aspect to fully embrace the other. The only person that’s ever looked at and loved and valued every different aspect is Ben. He gives me hope that someday more people will follow his lead.

OMGHI!

I know that I’ve been Teh Suck at updating regularly and I could totally lie to you and say it’s because I’ve been SO BUSY with… THINGS! Important things! Things that take important time!

The truth is I just haven’t felt like writing.

But since it was Christmas and all I thought that I should take the time to make some kind of Christmas type post so you don’t all think that I’m some horrible holiday hating Scrooge or something. Because that’s only partially true.

I do love the holiday season. I love the house lights (and really think that they should stay up all year and not just because I hate taking ours down, they are pretty and the neighborhood seems so boring and bland after New Years), and I love cookies (as witnessed by the two pants sizes my ass has expanded in the last month), and I love the music (as long as it’s MY MUSIC and not that crappy mall muzak shit, Kenny G playing Silver Bells with that horn thing he uses puts me in one mood; the mood to sleep). Ben and I just had a rough few months prior to the Christmas season so it was hard for me to get into the mood right away and it didn’t really hit till about a week before The Big Day.

I think one of the hardest things for me to grasp this year is that this is probably going to be Cassidy’s last “Santa” year. She’s already really skeptical but I could tell that there was still a glimmer of magic in her eye as she asked the questions you expect a kid to start to ask when they are putting the pieces together. Next year she’ll have become one of those precocious 10 year olds that pretends to believe in Santa because she knows she’ll net a bigger profit if Santa is involved. She’ll start to complain about having to take the lights down, and she’ll start rolling her eyes at the Kenny G musak and she’ll see the cookie making as a chore instead of a fun activity and it’s all just kind of depressing.

But! I still made the most of it and Christmas day was great and she ripped open 30 presents in 4.7 minutes flat. We now have more Hannah Montana CRAP in the house than I’m comfortable with and I’m pretty sure that I funded the next month of Hannah’s life with said CRAP.

And I wrapped some of Ben’s presents in Alliance wrapping paper. That alone made Christmas day ROCK.

And now the obligatory list of fabulous loot. I’ll keep it to the big and fantastically bad ass things.

• KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer in Red from my mommy. <3
• Senseo coffee maker also in red from Cassidy.
• Tickets to see Beauty and the Best in May when it comes to the city from my dad. It will be Cassidy’s first Broadway type play and we are both really excited.
• A really nice laptop bag from Ben.

And last but certainly not least was DxO from Ben. It deserves to be separate from the bullets because it is THAT bad ass. It’s this really advanced photo correction software that uses all these complex mathematical algorithms to correct photos caused by known “flaws” in camera body and lens combinations. So in layman terms, it make pretty pictures EVEN PRETTIER. They have a free demo if you have a DSLR and want to give it a try.

And now, the look forward to 2008 which will require another obligatory post about the past year and what I expect for the NEXT year and I’m sure that “Rinse, Repeat!” isn’t going to cut it so I’ll be back sooner than you think! But just in case I don’t, have a great New Years Eve everybody! Drink lots, don’t drive and ring in the year with people you love and don’t want to punch in the face if you do get too drunk!

*hugs*

I’m always fascinated when people throw the “narcissistic” ball at bloggers. And there really isn’t a valid way to argue against it, right? I write about me because I assume that you are going to be interested in what I have to say about me. So yeah, anybody that has a personal domain carries around a healthy amount of The Veinâ„¢.

My dad likes to tease me about the narcissism of blogging and self portraits but we laugh about it because, it’s TRUE! I love me! IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! And my dad bought me the PJ’s to prove it so really, I blame him.

My question to YOU is why YOU care so much? I write about me because I think that I am awesomely fantastic. But why do you read about me? And when you do, and you’re so appalled by it, why do you come back? Over and over. To read more and more. Why do you take time out of your day to comment or email and tell me how vein I am? Because all you’re doing is inflating the ego. I HAVE FANS! I must write more! MORE!

It’s this never ending debate I see rampaging the internet every where I turn. The bloggers write about themselves and the haters write about how much they hate you writing about yourself. “Mommy bloggers” are especially prone to this because a lot of parenthood is about failure. Lots and lots of bumps and bruises and finding out what works by realizing what DOESN’T. I’ve not come across a SINGLE mommy blogger that doesn’t have at least ONE regular commenter there telling them in every comment thread:

“I can’t believe you gave your child SODA! You fucking monster!”

“I can’t believe you posted yours child’s PICTURE on the INTERNET! What about predators?!”

“I can’t believe you told the WORLD about when your child fell down and cracked open his head! Where were you? Probably BLOGGING, you horrible, unfit, asswad! Get off the internet and raise your kids!”

And here I am saying it: I don’t get YOU. At least my focus is on ME. I write because it’s an outlet. I have this grand illusion that people will actually want to read what I have to say, that maybe they will enjoy it and get a little chuckle, or walk away with a new perspective, or just slightly less bored than when they sat down. But at the very core of it, I write because when putting it down “on paper” I have to actually form my thoughts and opinions into complete sentences and organize them in paragraph form and I’m foced to confront them. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gotten half way through a blog post and gone, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Epiphany!

I sit down and blog knowing that today I will probably learn something new about myself, and two years from now I can look back on today and see how stupid I was back then. YOU sit down to read what I have to say to pick it apart and twist it into something evil and wrong and *gasp* vein!

So you tell me, who sounds like the bigger fool here?

P.S. - I don’t really have any haters. The “I” here was written to speak for bloggers as a whole. Remember, I’m too awesomely fantastic to have haters. BAM!

At what point in your life do you realize that holding on to animosity and grudges rob you every second you dwell on them? I guess everybody has to find that realization in their own time and in their own way. For me, it happened in the last two weeks. If you’d have asked me six months ago if I was aware enough to know this I’d have said yes, but I’d have been so very wrong. And in another six months I might think the same thing about this moment right now… But for right now, I’m there. I’ve chosen to not carry around those feelings like an egg on a spoon, always afraid that a gust of wind will come along and knock them off to stink up my life.

I let go. I hope others can do the same in the long run. I guess time will tell.

I’ll be back to blog soon. Once to post this in more depth but behind a protected post. I’m adding a plug in to let “select” registered users read them. I’ll let you all know more when that takes place and how to gain access.

And! Ben and I are having a little debate about how far Neo’s ability to bend the space time continuum extends and we need The Internet’s opinion to settle it.