I need to go back to a head doctor. Taking myself off medication (even though I did wean myself) was probably not the best idea I’ve ever had. I wish I could say I wasn’t one of those people who were made “better†by pills. I wish I were one of those people in the non-crazy population who are happy and healthy and successful JUST BECAUSE. I also wish I was taller. But that’s a topic for another post.
I’m not one of those people, however. I’m one of the Blue Pill People. We should all wear labels on our clothes. Perhaps a big blue P. That way when we act like lunatics people can just avoid us and say, “No worries, it’s just a Blue Pill Person. You know how THEY get.â€
I’m making an appointment today. I’m going to REALLY try to see if I can find a doctor that’s willing to take the time and effort to try and talk me out of my insanity WITHOUT the use of The Blue Pill. Or, at least be open to the idea that I don’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life because of all the adverse side effects they have. If he/she is even willing to put me on something temporarily so that we can have a few coherent discussions about why I’m depressive when my life in general kicks much ass that would be okay. I just don’t get WHY I’m depressed and if I need to take something long enough to see and understand that I’m willing… but forever? It’s bad enough that I have to take a pill EVERY TIME I drink a glass of milk, eat a cheese burger or gorge on ice cream to prevent the entire population of San Jose from suffering the explosion of activity that dairy causes in my digestive tract. *humph*
I’ve promised myself this time that if I AM put on something it’s NOT OKAY for ME to decide to wean myself off. Because even though I play a normal person on the outside, I’ll forever be a Blue Pill Person up here in my head. *points to hollow space above shoulders*
My suggestion is to go see a COUNCELOR or a PSYCHAITRIST first and avoid PSYCHOLOGISTS at first. Councleors have masters degrees and M.F.T’s, and are fully qualified therapists, but can’t write perscriptions. Psychiatrists have Ph.Ds and some (most) have MFTs, but they can’t write perscriptions. Psychologists, however, are MD.s and are far more rare in the psychiatric world. They can and do write scripts. Often. Many times on the FIRST VISIT (I’ve had this happen THREE TIMES, on in the middle of our 30 minute session). Psychologists usually have more patients than they can handle which leads them to trying to find the easiest way to deal with them- medication. That on top of the fact that they all usually get a commission of sorts for handing out certain perscriptions doesn’t help their want to needlessly and unimformedly hand out scripts. plus, they don’t care if you come in for talking sessions because you have to come back every 30 days for a refill, so they get your money then, anyway. GPs are usually pretty illequipt to deal with mental health, so I’d avoid that at all costs. Your best bet is to see a councelor, maybe a couple until you find one that works with you in a way that makes you comfortable and that you feel is productive, and if they refer you to a psychologist for chemical treatment you have a pretty good idea then taht you’d need it. Even then, I’d continue seeing the councelor.
I’ve been there. A lot. For a long, long, long time. I figured I’d be a BPP forever, but eventually found a way out. That’s not to say that you can EVER get rid of depression- everyone gets depressed sometimes- or whatever other mental aliment you have, but you learn what triggers it, how to avoid it, and how to deal with yourself. Generally I’d say go at least three months in therapy before going back on pills, see if you notice a difference there.
…i’ll talk to you baout it when you get online later, heh.