I need to go back to a head doctor. Taking myself off medication (even though I did wean myself) was probably not the best idea Iâ€™ve ever had. I wish I could say I wasnâ€™t one of those people who were made â€œbetterâ€ by pills. I wish I were one of those people in the non-crazy population who are happy and healthy and successful JUST BECAUSE. I also wish I was taller. But thatâ€™s a topic for another post.
Iâ€™m not one of those people, however. Iâ€™m one of the Blue Pill People. We should all wear labels on our clothes. Perhaps a big blue P. That way when we act like lunatics people can just avoid us and say, â€œNo worries, itâ€™s just a Blue Pill Person. You know how THEY get.â€
Iâ€™m making an appointment today. Iâ€™m going to REALLY try to see if I can find a doctor thatâ€™s willing to take the time and effort to try and talk me out of my insanity WITHOUT the use of The Blue Pill. Or, at least be open to the idea that I donâ€™t want to be on medication for the rest of my life because of all the adverse side effects they have. If he/she is even willing to put me on something temporarily so that we can have a few coherent discussions about why Iâ€™m depressive when my life in general kicks much ass that would be okay. I just donâ€™t get WHY Iâ€™m depressed and if I need to take something long enough to see and understand that Iâ€™m willingâ€¦ but forever? Itâ€™s bad enough that I have to take a pill EVERY TIME I drink a glass of milk, eat a cheese burger or gorge on ice cream to prevent the entire population of San Jose from suffering the explosion of activity that dairy causes in my digestive tract. *humph*
Iâ€™ve promised myself this time that if I AM put on something itâ€™s NOT OKAY for ME to decide to wean myself off. Because even though I play a normal person on the outside, Iâ€™ll forever be a Blue Pill Person up here in my head. *points to hollow space above shoulders*