So as part of my 365 challenge, I’ve joined a group called 30 secrets in 30 days and I think it’s kind of a cool idea so I’ve decided to cross post some of the submissions here.

Here is secret #2:

033/365 - Finding my place

I’ve struggled for a long time to “find my place” in life. I am a complete tomboy. I love autorcrossing, having a bad ass car to drive, change my own oil and can put my spare on my car in less than 15 minutes. And I’m a total geek. I’ve been going to LAN parties full of smelly boys since I was a teenager and actually lied to my girlfriends about where I was going to avoid the comments. I still play MMORPG’s but FPS’s will always be my first love. I usually code my own websites and am a complete photography and Photoshop geek. But I’m also a shoe-aholic. Those brown Steve Madden shoes are at least 10 years old and that bag of MAC is from last weekend. I’m a closet girly girl.

The problem is that I’ve never been welcomed completely by any group. The girly girls get very pissy about the fact that I can hold my own in my car and don’t have any problem talking “shop” with the boys. Even though it’s never been about getting attention, that’s the card they always throw out there. And the boys can’t ever seem to fully look past the boobs. And the geeks don’t get the makeup, shoes and car talk.

On top of all this I’m a MOMMY. I had two more arms, one with a book and the other with a bunch of Cassidy’s mismatched socks but the layers on this thing were getting to be a little too much to deal with so I left it at 6. Cassidy takes up the majority of my time but I thought that this should be more about ME and MY identity.

I’m not sure I’ll ever fit into any mold and I think it’s stupid that people can’t look past one aspect to fully embrace the other. The only person that’s ever looked at and loved and valued every different aspect is Ben. He gives me hope that someday more people will follow his lead.