0: Number of days I was at work the week before last.

Ben’s knee surgery didn’t go as well as the previous surgery and has taken quite a bit longer that expected to heal. I took 1 scheduled day and ended up having to take 5 more sick days. Poor guy was a trooper.

1: The number of people in my house that are currently employed.edfa

Ben got laid off last Monday. It was something we had been talking about, there had already been some layoffs and the company wasn’t doing well so there was always that chance hanging over our head. He got a fair severance and is covered under my health insurance so… yeah. He’s been amazingly positive about it because he is an AMAZING MAN.

2: The number of time in almost three weeks I’ve put makeup on.

Seriously. I feel bad for the people in public that had to see me. Sick as hell and tired as all get out. I bet it was hawt.

3.5: The number of days I was at work last week.

I had to pick up Ben on Monday when he got “the news” and then I was worried about him being at home alone. Also, I was fighting off the last of the WORST FLU IN THE HISTORY OF ALL THE WORLD™.

4: The number of meals I’ve cooked at home in the last week.

That’s 4 more than I’ve cooked in the previous.. month. Eating out is our biggest expense and with one income, it makes more sense to eat at home. Also, I’ve rediscovered how much I really love to cook.

5: The number of days Cassidy has left of 5th grade.

She’ll be in JUNIOR HIGH next year. She wants the Alice Cullen haircut. She went to a class about periods including a detailed video of how babies are made two weeks ago.

6: The number of time the dog woke me up from a nap by sticking his 5 inch tongue down my throat.

VIA MY MOUTH. *shudder*

7: The number of complete TV series I’ve downloaded.

So far I’ve watched all of seasons 1 and 2 of Gossip Girl, around 40 episodes. Then I watched True Blood, 12 episodes. Now I’m working on Bones. Currently I’m at work and season 01 episode 15 is playing on the iPhone.

8: The number of bananas my family goes through in two days.

Seriously, what the hell?!

9: The number of time I wanted to throw one or both cats against the wall.

HARD. They are still pissed off about the dog. They sleep in the bedroom all night and then as soon as we get into bed start walking all over us. All night long.

All. Fucking. NIGHT. LONG.

10: The number of times that I thought, “Man I should blog.” Then turned on an episode of Gossip Girl instead.

I’d apologize but it would be a lie.

THE END!

When I think “American” Idol I think of somebody that can sing well in any number of genres and while Kris has a fantastic voice, if you take him out of his comfort zone, he struggles. Adam can sing whatever you throw at him, make it his own, add in some creative theatrics and keep pretty much any audience entertained.

That said, I’ve been pretty disgusted with the mainstream media lately (I’ll save my John & Kate rant for another post but seriously, you have 8 kids and try not to come across as a complete bitch sometimes! OMGSERIOUSLY!) and the fact that this season has become more about OMG IS ADAM GOING TO BE THE FIRST “OUT” GAY IDOL!? When it should be OMG THIS GUY IS THE BEST SINGER IN THE HISTORY OF THE SHOW.

I wanted to know a bit more about his background today so I googled his name and 6 of the 14 links were either news stories or blog posts questioning his sexuality and I sat there and got even more pissed than I already was about this topic. HALF the stories. When searching for Kris Allen 0 of 14 were about the fact that he’s a STRAIGHT MAN and 1 was about ADAM being gay. I honestly can’t even believe that it’s 2009 and this is still happening because here’s the thing: HOW HE CHOOSES TO “TUNE HIS ROD” HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW WELL HE SINGS! Frankly, I’m embarrassed for “America” that this even has to be addressed.

I also love how people use the “eyeliner” issue to dance around the “gay” issue without actually addressing it directly. Like, “He wears EYELINER. THAT’s not right! I can’t vote for a guy that wears EYELINER. Eww.”

Male singers/groups I know off the top of my head that wear eyeliner/makeup:
Ozzy Osbourne
KISS
My Chemical Romance
Pete Wentz
Bret Michaels

You get the idea. All of them have HUGE male followings. So seriously, people. Stop being bigoted assholes and just ENJOY THE MUSIC.

Anyway, TEAM ADAM all the way and I still have high hopes for a few of the Idols. All in all, this year was one of the best and I think we’ll be seeing a lot more of a few of the top 12 in the future.

Ben: LOST TOMORROW OMG!
Me: I bet it will be SO GOOD.
Ben: Yeah, it will be answers to some of the questions, twists you’d never expect and will end with a cliffhanger!
Me: So… It will be like every other episode but twice a long.
Ben: …
Me: It’s going to be the same thing as always, BUT LONGER. I’m totally not even going to bother watching.
Ben: FINE! YOU DON’T WATCH THEN!
Me: I WON’T!
Ben: YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!

But really, if you are a fan of the show, you’ll be tuned in. If you aren’t a fan of the show YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!

I’ll be ignoring the Interwebz tonight to avoid spoilers for LOST and Idol (TEAM ADAM!) and just wanted to give all my peeps a heads up. I think people get a little worried on an Idol night when I’m not TweetYelling at Paula. But really, she’s JUST NOW admitting to drug use?! REALLY!?

OMGLOST!

The End

So they took me to see Lady in White. And my life spiraled out of control and not long after I stopped doing my homework and started smoking in the girls room and MY INNOCENCE WAS LOST FOREVER AND EVER.

I’M KIDDING!

It did completely scare the everliving shit out of me though. I vaguely remember trying to be all cool and making sure there was a seat between ME and THEM lest anybody in the theater actually think that I was there with my PARENTS! CAN YOU IMAGINE!? And by the end of the movie I was practically curled up in a fetal position on my dad’s lap because I was SCARED OUT OF MY MIND!

They still bring this movie up from time to time at dinners and family parties and I can just tell by the sly little grins that they got a complete kick out of my reaction to the movie. And looking back, and as the parent of a 10 year old girl, I have to admit, I kinda get that.

But still…

Have I mentioned that to this day, I HATE scary movies? Ben and Cassidy love them and I love that they share that bond but NOTHANKYOU I will NOT watch that movie with you two!

Cassidy: Mom, it’s all FAKE.
Me: I KNOW THAT! I just don’t want to watch THAT movie.
Cassidy: Because you are SCARED!
Me: No, I just don’t want to watch that stupid movie!
Cassidy: Whatever.
Ben: *laugh*
Me: WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE TO BRING IT UP ANYWAY?!

Clearly you can see who the adults in this household are.

So, today I get a knock on the door and a Barnes and Noble package with my name on it and I get all giddy and excited and I open it and it’s…

LADY IN WHITE! ON DVD!! SO WE CAN WATCH IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!! AND OVER!!!!

Enclosed is the message:

“A blast from the past. Enjoy Mother’s Day! Make a memory for Cassidy. Love Dad and Cherie”

So I emailed them right away:

*insert horror movie scream here*

Anna Hirsch
to Mike, Cherie, Benjamin

I don’t know if you know this but I have a very small barrier between mentally sane and COMPLETELY WHACKED OUT NUTJOB and sending movies that traumatized me as a child MIGHT NOT HELP STRENGTHEN THAT BARRIER!

But still… It’s pretty much the most awesome gift ever!! We’ll have to wait till it’s really dark, make a big bowl of popcorn and hopefully Cassidy doesn’t mind when I want to sit in her lap.

Thank you guys for an awesome, and very thoughtful, gift!

So thank you dad and Cherie! It really is an awesome gift and I’m sure that all three of us will enjoy it.

And I’ll be forwarding the bill for the resulting therapy session to you guys.

Anyway, I think I have things pretty much back to where they should be but until I can get around to reinstalling all the necessary plugins and doodads that make things run around here there are going to be some problems. I worked on it for a good chunk of the day today between the moaning from the sore throat and the fever induced delirium and jackhammer pounding away in my sinus cavity.

I don’t think I have the swine flu but they’ve pretty strictly enforced a DON’T BRING YOUR SICK ASS HERE policy since the scare started and that means I’m banned to the house, bored, sick, tired and hacked too.

Hope you all are doing well and things will, hopefully, be all well here in the next few days too.

It basically makes YouTube finally move more into the realm of social networking. You can see which of your friends are online, what they are watching, when they have faved something, etc. From what I can tell these invites are still pretty exclusive so if you are as addicted to TheTube as I am all you have to do is comment here, add me as a friend on YouTube (YouTube only allows friends to be given invites) and I’ll get you the invite.

Hope you all are having a great weekend!

Lately, my little gems have been coming in the form of comments on this post where I talk about what a royal asstard Kathy Lee Gifford is. Today after receiving one of the more laughable comments I decided to see just why in the hell people were finding that post to pollute with bad grammar and completely OFF THE FUCKING WALL opinions and I realize that it’s #3 on the third page of a google search for “Kathy Lee Hoda Kotb” and the #1 google search for “Kathy Lee Hoda Kotb dooce“.

ANYWAY! You can go to the original blog post to see the entire comment but i actually stopped reading and only got as far as the quoted bit you see below:

Hoda & Kathy Lee Gifford. I love your show what I can stand on this site, is critical, negative, opionate people. Your doing your show and you have a right to practice free speech. If someone doesn’t like your show, or feels your both negative, or one talks more then the other then: CHANGE THE CHANNEL…AND DON’T WATCH THEM ANYMORE. IN AMERICA WE HAVE CHOICE. SO WHEN YOU PIC UP THE REMOTE, ITS UP TO YOU THAT YOU WATCH. ANNA’S EMAIL…IS REALLY RUDE AND YOUR A DISGRACE..AND NEED TO GET A LIFE.

DID YOUR BRAIN JUST EXPLODE!?

Normally I just chuckle and move on with my day but there was a certain amount of judgmental hypocrisy that HAD TO BE ADDRESSED. Like, please don’t talk to me about the right to free speech as you are suppressing mine on MY OWN BLOG. They have a show where they are allowed to say whatever the hell they want, I have a site where I get to say whatever the hell I want. SIMPLE CONCEPT, RIGHT!?

My response:

1) I highly doubt that Hoda and Kathy read my site so you just wasted your time writing all that out.

2) It’s a BLOG, not an EMAIL. MY SITE. THAT I PAY FOR. WITH MY OWN MONEY. Therefore, it’s within my right of “free speech” to say what I choose, when I choose, how I choose, ON MY SITE. Hypocrisy: look it up.

3) I don’t normally watch the show. It’s painful to watch somebody as stupid as Kathy Lee try and interact with people, let alone hand out unsolicited advise, when she has less brain power than a retarded monkey.

4) I have a life. I write about it here on my blog that I pay for. You however, trolling google to look for sites to spam with your unbelievable rape of English grammar, writing out long comments to people who will never read them, are more likely to fall under the “get a life” insult tree.

Okay, a bit harsh but… *shrug* I’ve never been on to dumb stuff down, let alone sugar coat something so that your feelings don’t get hurt when I respond to your BITCH comment on MY SITE.

She emailed me back with what turned out to be the most fabulous heat mail I’ve ever received in my entire six years of blogging:

No…you got believe me.
1) I got better things to do with my money then to spend them on blogs…believe me.

2) You probally spend all day, and tons to money doing this. Wasting your brain away in front of a computer.

3) Your filled with hatred and bitterness..I actually feel sorry for ya.

4) If you didn’t like Kathy Lee then why did ya EVER, EVEN WATCH THE SHOW. WHO’S THE DUMMY NOW…U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5) YOUR BLOCKED. I DON’T READ BLOGS AS A RULE, AND I DON’T SPEND MY LIFE, MY DAYS ON THE COMPUTER. THERE’S MORE TO LIFE, … AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU DON’T HAVE ONE.

6) YOUR A VIRUS…THIS WORLD OR THE INTERNET COULD DO WITHOUT.

7) FIND GOD, AND SEE A THERAPIST FOR THE HATERED AND BITTERNESS YOU HAVE IN YOUR HEART…!!

Most. Awesome. Hatemail. EVER.

I could go on and on about just how awesome it is, particularly #7 which was just, COMEDIC GOLD! There is nothing I love more than GodPeople telling me I need to find God in the midst of trying to insult me. Thank you, ma’am, for giving me one more bit of ammunition to use the next time I get the opportunity to blow holes into a religious “we are so righteous” debate.

My answer:

1) And see, I have plenty of money to spend on stuff like websites. All $15 a year it costs to run Aflux. BIG MONEY!

2) Also, no, I don’t spend all day on the site. I haven’t posted in almost a month for Christ’s sake. Also, I work at a highly prestigious University Hospital, so I have better things to do during the day than troll and spam websites. You on the other hand should consider spending your days in front of the computer learning basic language skills. Such as the difference between your and you’re. People tend to take you much more seriously when you present an opinion that doesn’t sound like it came from a 14 year old hammered it out on a cell phone.

3) Filled to the brim, baby.

4) If you took the time to READ THE POST, you’d see I watched ONLY because I wanted to see Heather Armstrong interviewed.

5) You DO read blogs, you read MINE TODAY and then called it an EMAIL because you’re too much of a dumbass to know what the hell you’re looking at.

6) 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110101 01110011

7) God doesn’t exist, I have seen a therapist, and I like that hate and bitterness in my heart. It makes it easier to deal with weak minded God loving morons like you.

So I just want to give a big shout out to Lorraine Snow (snowsky1@yahoo.com) for helping me break up was turning out to be a rather boring, hot Monday and giving me a good chuckle. You rock.

Title Quote: Mahatma Gandhi

Make sure you all check out her Etsy store that has ADORABLE necklaces, earrings and rings. I’m thinking about getting a piece of her jewelry for the next giveaway. Or possibly a gift certificate for her store and the winner can pick what they want? We’ll see!

PUPPY UPDATES TOMORROW!

I discovered dooce.com and Heather Armstrong the day she posted the photo of Leta’s birth. That one small post captured me and I spent the next several days between work and home life reading the blog from the very beginning. I loved every single post. I’d never thought going forward from there that her writing would effect me as much as it did.

When she started suffering from depression, and OPENLY wrote about it, I would read the posts and say WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HEAD!? The words she spoke, the symptoms she had, the feelings that she was expressing, they were all things I had felt, suffered, hid and ran from for much longer than I can remember. There have been times that I’ve started to feel that way again, and I go back and read those posts and they somehow remind me of how far I’ve come since then, and that there is always light on the other side of that dark, deep tunnel of despair.

I know that I’m not the only person she’s touched with her writing so when I went to her reading and signing for It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita I immediately thought of getting a second copy to give away here. I know that quite a few of my readers have had similar experiences with the disease and if reading her thoughts has helped any of you as much as it’s helped me, I think you will appreciate this book.

The book itself is basically passages pulled straight from her blog, although some of them seem to have been expounded on a bit. Now I have a convenient, hard back covered way to read through these passages while sitting on the toilet trying to get five minutes of peace from the ALWAYS TALKING NEVER STOPPING ten year old.

AND! YOU CAN TOO!

I’m giving away a signed copy to one of you. All you have to do is comment here and say hi, tell me about your experience with depression, just say I WANT THE BOOK, or take a few minutes to tell me how awesome I am. I don’t really care what the comment says, you just have to get one in to enter and use a VALID EMAIL ADDRESS so I have a way to contact you. You have till next Wednesday, April 8th at midnight to enter. I will write down the name of all the commenters (one entry per person), put them into a hat and pull one out. Seems more fun than those silly randomizer things. I’ll made a video of it or something too just to make it MORE EXCITING! I’ll post the winner Thursday or Friday so make sure to check back then.

Also, if you’d like to tell others about the contest, feel free just don’t be spammy about it. Your blog readers and twitter followers will appreciate it.

So go forth! Comment! Enter! Discuss! AWAY!

• I have a very small hairline fracture on my ankle. That in itself isn’t painful. The severe sprain has me still limping around in a brace over a week later. I wish there was some awesome story or explanation how I was doing something REALLY COOL and REALLY FUN and REALLY NEAT but there isn’t. I fell getting out of the truck. In front of people. Who just watched me fall, severely sprain my ankle, and fracture it a little, and then they all turned around and walked away. THE END!
• Cassidy is totally turning into a TWEEN. There are a lot of things I looked forward to when I became a mom… first steps, first words, first day of school, it was going to be all fun and smiles and swings and cartwheels. Then she turned 10 and was all HA HA JOKES ON YOU, SUCKER! There’s too much to post about this under the scope of a single bullet. THE END!
• KC the cat and Hans are complete and total lazy asses. Hans spent ALL DAY SATURDAY on our bed asleep. KC hasn’t moved off the same couch cushion in two days. THE END!
• Ben is the most patient, understanding, ball of fantastic ever to grace the face of our fine planet. And also, falling asleep next to his warm body is the highlight of my day. THE END!

House Updates:

• We ordered blinds from Home Depot. Yes, I own Home Depot a letter of apology. Six blinds to go on the upper windows all over the top of the living room. We also paid for installation because ladders, heavy awkward wooden blinds, and blond don’t mix. I’m really excited for them to get here and be installed. They will help a lot with the sunlight that you can’t escape in the afternoons and also keep the heat out some in the summer.
• We also have a quote from a landscaper to come in and fix some sprinklers and clean out the pond, install a new pump and get it all up and running again.
• We’ve been slowly cleaning out the yards. Trimming bushes, mowing lawns, cutting down trees, this list is really endless so I’ll just stop there. It’s looking good and will only be getting better as the weekends pass!

Misc Updates:

• I forgot to mention the severe hives attack I had for about two weeks. It sucked. I went an ENTIRE WEEK with ZERO wheat, the hives went away, I laid in the bed in a fetal position and cried. I’ve very slowly started introducing some back into my diet, but not much. MUCH less than I was eating before. Being allergic to wheat is about a fun as having your teeth knocked out one at a time. With a jackhammer.
• I have become slightly obsessed with YouTube. Specifically, makeup guru videos. I have a few favorites and I have a blog post half written to point you to some of the best ones. Also, I finally broke my six month No Makeup Buying Binge and got a few things. I also have a blog post partly written about that because I’ve found some AMAZING stuff for AMAZING deals and I want to share.
• If I were a teenage girl, I’d totally have a poster of Adam Lambert on my wall. Best Idol by far this season. He makes it seem as if singing is just… effortless. TEAM ADAM!
• If you haven’t yet, check out Castle. Nathan Fillion is so awesome. I’ve had a nerd crush on him since I fell in love with Serenity and Firefly and he’s every bit as awesome in Castle.
• Heather Armstrong is going to be in Mountain View tomorrow and I’ve been trying to fit her book signing into my schedule but it’s so late and 40 miles from home where I’ll be then. It’s only 12 miles from work but I’d have to find something to do for five hours before the signing. DILEMMA!
• I need to charge the DSLR batteries. For serious.
• THE END!