Everything I wanted to say and didn’t…

…in the last email I sent you because I was in a hurry and knew that saying these things would not accomplish my end goal.

• Don’t tell somebody that you want to be around “genuine” people then in the next breath talk about how you wish those very same genuine people would tell others how they really feel about them. Genuine people would be, ya know, GENUINE and DO THAT ON THEIR OWN. Setting an example by speaking directly to the person you have a problem with might be a good place to start.

  Moral: If YOU were genuine, maybe you’d have genuine friends.

• Don’t assume because you spend all day every day sending people emails over and over and over and over and over means that you are their BFF. Or that because you are so incredibly gifted at kissing ass that you are ever getting the whole story. Because you aren’t. You are getting half truths and only the snippets people want you to hear. They are gving everybody else the half truths and snipped that everybody else want’s to hear.

  Moral: We are all getting bullshit.

• Don’t email people over and over and over and over. THEN! Don’t accuse one of the most decent, honest, wonderful guys I’ve ever met (other than Ben of course) of making anybody uncomfortable by the amount of email they send when YOU ARE ALWAYS THE INITIATOR OF THE EMAIL. If I had a $1 for every time somebody told me how sick they get of you and your ridiculous amounts of email I could buy your self esteem back for you.

  Moral: Trying so hard to get people to like you, only makes them like you less.

• Don’t EVER AGAIN try and tell ANY of my friends that they have an unhealthy relationship. Or trust issues. If I hear it I’ll have no qualms whatsoever showing them exactly why it is that you are the last person to be handing out relationship advise. ESPECIALLY when it come to issues of trust. Fix YOUR relationship first.

  Moral: Your glass house already has a few rock chips.

Yeah, I think that’s about it. I reserve the right to add more later though. Man, I feel better now. And really, I don’t wish you anything but the best. But I think that in order for you to embrace “the best” you need to stop seeing yourself as a victim. And that YOU are responsible for YOUR actions. It took me two years and three different counselors before one of them finally nailed that stake in my head. It’s hard, but being able to see flaws in yourself actually makes you a better person.

I’ve talked to exactly five people about this stuff. Five. I know that you think I’ve gone running my mouth to everybody but I can find MUCH better topics of conversation. Like the exact shape and size of my last bowel movement. THAT’S a better topic than you and your cry for attention and drama and campaign to be She With The Most FAKE Genuine Friends. Good luck with that. You are REALLY gonna need it.