I started at the big S last year on July 12th. It hasn’t even been a year yet! Sheesh.

I started out doing plain old secretarial stuff. It sucked and I knew that I could do twice as well as the girls who were working above me. All of them were doing SO MANY EXTRA steps for evey task they had.

Now, less than a year later when my boss leaves town for a few days I’m in charge of 80% of the tasks he normally does (the tasks he does for OUR department, he has a few) and 100% of the ones that are mandatory, time sensative and important. Kinda feels good that I’ve been there less than a year and I see so many of my suggestions being used by everybody. And knowing that by speaking up I’ve seen new processes in place that are saving all of us LOADS of time.

I’m so totally not a slacker!

Our building is on lock down. I guess customer service really has a patient pissed off and she’s making some pretty nasty threats.

We are all pretty lax about just holding the door for people to get in while we are entering the building without looking at security badges. Monday I forgot my badge and not a single person asked for ID and I have to go through two doors that require security badges to get to my desk.

Normally this is just an annoyance because you have to wait till somebody comes along with a badge to open the door. I feel sorry for a person who forgets one today because they are making people drive home to get them and 90% of the people commute.

Although, seeing as I’m one of the three girls that spends all day SENDING money to patients, not COLLECTING it, I think I’m safe.

I understand that the bathroom nearest my desk is the only one that is a single toilet. All the other’s have stalls and it seems as if a lot of the girls we work with have “performance anxiety”. I understand that it’s always in use. I don’t mind really because I can hear the door to this bathroom open and close through the security door. That’s why I never bother getting up to go unless I know it’s empty.

From now on I’m going to make it a point, also, to see who it is that is coming out of the bathroom before me. Because I’m sick and fucking tired of having to clean up YOUR URINE OFF THE SEAT. And I will call you on it when I find out who you are.

Every single bathroom is equipped with ass gaskets and I don’t understand why it is that you think this product is not sufficient enough for you. You “hover” because you don’t want to dirty your ASS?? Like, maybe your ass is especially sensitive to porcelain?? Do you have, like, gaping open wounds on your legs that might become infected by another’s ass pollutants?

Well, USE A FUCKING SEAT COVER. Because just like you don’t want YOUR precious ass to sit where another ass has sat, I don’t want to sit in YOUR URINE.

Thank you.

You know those God awful cutesy emails that women send you with blinkies all over them and have cute little messages like how special Tuesday’s are… Yeah? Well, I hate them. Hate is not quite strong enough actually. When I get them I have the urge to gouge my eyes out with hot pokers. Yes, that’s more like it.

The thing is, I get A LOT of them from the girls at work. I keep my mouth closed though because I don’t want to rock the boat more than I already have there. These are the types of girls who don’t have time to vote becuase it interfears with a hair appoitment (OMGWTF?!!?), and who think IRAQ is the new pop radio station, and who think that fake pisture of the tsunami is real. HELLO WOMEN! Juet LOOK at that picture. They are also the type of women who don’t talk to you for three days after you mass email the link to snopes after the FIFTH email discussing that ‘awful pisture’. Hey, it was a really nice, quite, email free three days.

I’ve spoken up enough to realize that it’s a better idea to just keep quiet about things like the precious “God Loves You Because You Are Going To Send This To 1354315 Of Your Friends and if You Don’t… Well, Just Burn In Hell’ emails. I just keep the hot pokers ready in the top desk drawer.

And to end this little rant of mine I leave you with some words of wisdom from the end of one of the emails I got today:

Thought for the day……. There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don’t send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world

I have my orientation tomorrow. It will be my first day as an official (non-temp) employee. I’ll be making more money that I ever thought I’d be making… anywhere. I’m extatic.

We can remove Cassidy and myself off of Ben’s insurance policy which will save a BUNDLE because ‘domestic partenership’ is NOT cheap. Cassidy will be free on my policy. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.