aflux.net » When I Rule the World

WIRtW: 0006

Anna — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 03:31:01 +0000

When I Rule the World: Any contractor that uses white grout on kitchen counters in the construction of new homes will have a punishment inflicted equal to the pain in the ass it is to keep said grout clean.

Something like a nail gun to the testicle.

You can see all my rules here.

My kingdom is going to totally rock.

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WIRtW: 0005

Anna — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 13:47:51 +0000

When I Rule the World, if you walk out of the break room after having drained the VERY LAST DROPS of water out of the dispenser and don’t:

1) Put a new jug on yourself, or
2) ASK SOMEBODY that has more upper body strength than a FIVE YEAR OLD to do it for you,

You will be banned forthwith from EVER DRINKING WATER AGAIN YOU LAZY FUCKING ASSHOLE.

Also:

“I’m a girl” is not a reason not to change the water. It’s a bullshit cop out that further promotes the fact that women are helpless pussies that might BREAK IN HALF under the weight of a 40 pound jug of water. Seriously. I’ve seen the purses you all carry around on those fragile little arms so just don’t go there.

You may view all of my rule changes here.

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WIRtW: 0004

Anna — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 13:35:08 +0000

When I Rule the World, Friday the 13th will be considered a National Holiday. Thus the National Holiday policy will be in effect.

So.

Why didn’t somebody tell me it was Friday the 13th? I laid in bed this morning and seriously considered calling in sick and I didn’t really have a reason other than I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed. But my conscious (and my stupid anal PTO militant side) forced my feet to hit the floor exactly 15 minutes before the time I normally leave the house.

I’ve gone into this before but I REALLY don’t like Friday the 13th’s. I didn’t know it was the 13th when I laid there in bed but HAD I, it would have been enough reason to pull the blankets up over my head to hide from the world for the rest of the day.

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WIRtW: 0003

Anna — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 19:34:32 +0000

I will start doing these again. I kinda forgot that one fortune teller told me I’d be Queen of the World one day. It might be soon so I better get back to it!!

When I rule the World, Vacation Days shall work as follows:

1) All holiday’s will be days off. Rule of thumb, if it’s on a calendar, it’s a holiday. The month of February for example..

Days off:
February 2nd (Groundhogs Day)
February 12th (Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday)
February 14th (Valentine’s Day)
February 19th (President’s Day)
February 21st (Ash Wednesday)
February 22nd (George Washington’s Birthday)

2) You will receive one (1) vacation day on the day of any immediate family’s birthday. Immediate family includes a person’s mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent, grandchild, son, daughter, fiance, dog, cat, bird, hamster, mouse, ferret, turtle, bunny, gerbil, hermit crab or any other living creature in the care of said person who is referred to as “a member of the family”. You will also have the day off of your spouse or domestic partner’s immediate family.

3) Women who are actively menstruating are to have vacation till they are free of cycle for 24 hours.

4) All days that children have off school, parent’s shall also have off. This includes Christmas, Easter, Etc. During the summer parents may switch weeks off, every other week.

That is all for now. Will amend as I see fit and days are subject to change at my will.

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WIRTW: 0002

Anna — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 04:29:48 +0000

Law reform #00002:
Every inventor, scientist, math genius, etc. shall be forced into seclusion to work around the clock until such a time there is a working, marketable, mass produced machine capable of washing, drying and then folding your clothes into a neat pile.

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WIRtW: 0001

Anna — Tue, 06 Sep 2005 16:30:00 +0000

Created a new category: When I rule the World. All posts will contain the laws that will pass immediately upon my taking ownership of the World. I was going to make it Universe but, you know, one step at a time.

When I rule the world…

Law reform #00001:
When work commences after a weekend of three days or more, all citizens of the World shall be given the first day back the option of coming in one hour late and leaving one hour early to reacclimate to the work day. With pay, of course.

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