I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.

This morning I woke up with the imprint of the remont control on my stomach. Hot, right? I can’t help it. It just comes to me naturally.

So I’m in kind of a rut. After being sick for almost two months straight and living in jeans and tshirts (which is actually what I wear when I’m NOT sick but whatever) and I haven’t done anything with my hair except put in into ponytails and my entire MAC obsession sat there in the bathroom untouched and unloved and I am SO UNWORTHY!!!!

Anyway, I’m ready for a change. I’ve put on makeup EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. I even did a fantastic smokey eye for work today that had FIVE shades of eyeshadow and EYELINER! Do you hear that? That’s the devil trying to melt the ice forming in Hell. Somebody get that man some salt!

So here is where I ask the internet for help. 99.9999% of the time my hair looks like that first picture. I spend stupid amounts of money on shampoos and conditioners and serums and balms to make it healthy and shiny and it is that stuff… but that’s all it is. I need change.

I conned the manger at Walgreens to sell me a really nice set of curlers for half of what they are supposed to cost and have played them for the last two nights. The second picture is one of the outcomes. It looks great, right? The problem is that about 30 minutes later it looked like picture #1 again. It frustrates the hell out of me.

So girls, I need your help. Tips, tricks, magical potions, whatever! What are you hair secrets? How in the hell do you get those curls to hang around past the appetizers?

You could be my flamingo.

It’s on it’s way. And it’s PINK! Flamingo pink actually. Shut up.

I hit refresh on the refurbished Dell website about 562,226,529,526 times today and there was ONE laptop that met all the requirements. As soon as it popped up I called Ben and tried to act like my brain was not in the process of exploding RIGHT THEN AND THERE because OH MY GOD I WANT THIS LAPTOP and he ordered it for me right away. *swoon*

Inspiron 1520 Notebook: Intel Core 2 Duo T7300 (2.0GHz/800Mhz FSB/4MB cache)
160 GB SATA Hard Drive (5400RPM)
15.4 inch WSXGA+ Notebook Screen with TrueLife (1680 x 1050)
8X DVD +/- RW w/dbl layer write capability
9 Cell Primary Battery
Genuine Windows Vista Home Premium
256MB NVIDIA GeForce 8600M GT
2 GB DDR2 SDRAM 677MHz (2 DIMMs)
Intel 4965 802.11a/g/n Dual-Band Mini Card

I do have to say though, what was with all the pink laptops that had still had stock integrated graphics but upgrades for integrated webcams?! Girls, seriously. What the hell is up with that? I’m kind of ashamed.

P.S. – This is an official reminder to myself to post something soon about Ben’s War of the Ants. It’s getting pretty out of hand. He passed the Raid hurdle and I think I saw him searching google for Do it Yourself Napalm earlier. It’s about to get serious up in here.

Note to self:

Next year, try not to fuck up back on birthday weekend. Or the day before your birthday. OR EVER AGAIN.

I am this close *hold finges an inch apart* from dinging 40 and getting a mount in World of Warcraft but it hurts too bad to sit at the computer. I’m on the laptop on the couch sitting the only way it doesn’t hurt.

BUT GOOD NEWS! Soembody is coming to look at the Range Rover in a few minutes and afterwards I’ll be hobbling myself into the Apple Store with Ben to pick up my second birthday gift, and 8GB iPhone. Yesterday we went to the camera store after breakfast and I got to pick up a Canon 580EX II flash and a hood for my 17/85mm lens. I got three things that I REALLY wanted so I’m a very happy camper.

Once I’m able to move again I’m going to take some photos with and without flash to show a comparison. It absolutely rocks my socks and is going to completely change what I’m going to be able to do with inside shots. Expect a bazillion pictures of the Princess and The Felines.

I hope to be back to my regular posting schedule in the next week or so. And like every other time I’ve ever said that, that means that I’m completely lying to you and you can probably expect a post about once a week. Or less. Unless Ben does something funny that has to be made fun of mentioned.

I DON’T kill everything I grow.

I grew tomatoes!!! TADA!

I know, I know. Big deal right? Well, YES! It is a big deal! Because I’ve been trying to grow them for THREE SEASONS and this is the first time I’ve had a plant ACTUALLY produce a tomato.

In the past everybody told me to use Miracle Grow but I kinda feel like that’s cheating. I mean, do they genetically alter these fuckers to ONLY produce fruit if you chemically force them to? Maybe it’s some conspiracy that Miracle Grow has going on to up sales. But I dunno, I can see using it on flowering plants to balloon the bloom size to unnatural proportions but not something I’m going to eventually let Cassidy eat. I don’t need whatever chemical it is that causes the monster blooms to get into her system and somehow make her feet grow any bigger than they already are because they are already pushing the ‘unnatural’ envelope as it is.

I got some great news about a friend yesterday. And even though it wasn’t MY news I was so excited for them because I remember what it felt like to be in the spot they are in now and how wonderful it can feel and hearing THEIR good news actually put ME in a great mood! Funny how that can happen. Anyway, you know who you are and, YAY! Happy for your great news!

Ben was supposed to go to the track this weekend but money (it would be over $500 MORE then the $300+ he’s already spent on it AND he was at the track last week anyway which was probably another $500) and his head has started being a bastard again. He gets these headaches that come on randomly and literally floor him. He instantly gets hot (I’m sure his temperature goes up because he actually feels hot to the touch), feels nauseated, lays down and tries to sleep it off. He lays there and moans. That kills me. Two weeks ago when he was helping me with my exhaust he practically drove a screwdriver THROUGH his hand, washed it off and kept working like it was no big deal. So when he’s in so much pain that he’s on the couch groaning, I get worried. Really worried.

They have given him migraine medicine and so far it’s basically done: NOTHING. They are still coming and the medicine doesn’t seem to help AT ALL to get rid of them, or even help with the symptoms. Then for the entire following day he has what he describes as a ‘headache hangover’. Anybody else have these? Idea’s what it might be? I’m wondering if maybe some more drastic testing should be done…

Anyway, that was my Full of Randomness post for the week!

Graduation Day.

Last night I ate pasta. I couldn’t help it. It came on the plate with the chicken I wanted and it might have accidentally wrapped it’s way around my fork and found a way into my mouth. Like, eight times. Or possibly eleven.

I started having to scratch my leg before we got out of the restaurant and by the time we got in the car my stomach started to bloat and my head was pounding and I couldn’t get my temperature to regulate and I knew that for the rest of the night the wheat would ravage through my body like a herd of pissed off elephants trying to find a way out.

Me: I’m going to spend the entire night crapping.
Mom: ANNA!
Me: What!?
Mom: I’m trying to set a GOOD example for Chrissy!

Break to insert: my niece had been having some disciplinary issues and has been sent to my moms house (another state, away from her friends and the brunt of the problem) to live for the rest of the school year, about two months. My mom offered to do this because my brother has a lot going on that I’ll have to post about later but she’s 15 and all girl and ALL ATTITUDE.

Me: Mom, everybody poops! Haven’t you read the book?
Mom: But they don’t use that word! They say “poop” or “diarrhea” or something else.
Me: Crap was a MUCH better word than what I was originally going to say!
Mom: *vein starts throbbing in forehead* Anna…
Me: It is!
Mom: What kind of example does that set? What are you going to say when Cassidy starts saying that?
Me: She won’t say it. She knows she’s not allowed to use that word.
Mom: Monkey see, monkey do…
Me: Monkey get her butt whooped.

Meanwhile… Chrissy, Cameron and Cassidy are in the back of the car about to keel over from laughter.

My mom totally loves me.

Right after this we told stories of some of our best farts and how we’d used them against each other. One time I almost caused my little brother to get PHYSICALLY ill because I let out an SBD in the BMW and he couldn’t find the window button. German engineers are crazy guys and put them on the center console instead of the doors. Cameron almost OMGDIED and I was laughing so hard I almost had to pull over the car.

My mom just drove, white knuckled, trying as hard as she could to pretend that we were talking about kittens and butterflies.

As we took the elevator up from the parking garage:

Mom: I swear I don’t know how you people turned out this way. THESE are NOT my genes!
Me: You’re right. Three different fathers, but total coincidence. NONE of it is you. At all. Nope.
Cameron: Oh man, something big just hit my lower colon.

Cameron graduated from high school yesterday. It warms my heart to see the mature, intelligent, talented man he’s grown into.

This post was brought to you by the letter T as in ‘Trashy’. And the number 18, the number of years it took him to grow into one of my most favorite people EVER.