Treat please.

Breakfast @ 6:30AM: I need to work more protein into breakfast. Even if it means getting up earlier to cook something at home. I don’t WANT to do that though. When I start P90x I want to start having a Shakeology before I leave the house or on the way to work. That’s 17 grams of protein, 17 of carbs and only 150 calories! I also forgot flax seed meal AND my vitamin today. DOH!

1/3 cup of Danon Light & Fit Vanilla Yogurt
1/2 Fuji Apple
1/2 cup Puffins Peanut Butter Cereal

Calories: 168
Carbs: 20
Fat: 1
Protein: 4

Snack @ 9:30AM: I forot to take a shot before I ate it! DOH! I’m new to this! I’m sure I’ll start to remember in no time!

5 Ellie Krieger lemon shrimp
1/4 cup Ellie Krieger Soup cream & Chives Smashed Potatos

BANG!

Last Monday we missed our first Intermediate Dog Training class because Kumo was having some ‘potty issues’. In order to be in this Monday’s class we had to first make up that missed week and because Amy loves Kumo more than most parents love their kids, she let us come in last Sunday for a private lesson.

Have I mentioned how much I love Amy before? Because I do, a lot. She’s absolutely adorable. Kumo loves her even more though. When we get into the parking lot at PetSmart he starts to whine and attempts to climb out the window. I can’t exactly see his thoughts but I imagine it’s Kumo and Amy running towards each other in slow motion with Bolero playing softly in the background.

We got through the basic new commands rather quickly so Amy was teaching us some tricks to work on with him for fun. One of the tricks was pointing your finger at the dog and giving a loud verbal “BANG” which the dog responds to by laying on his side and playing dead. Ben was giddy watching this new trick. He had a huge grin on his face and I could clearly imagine him at the dog park showing Bob, and anybody else who showed up, this awesome new trick that Kumo had learned.

Amy mentioned that she had worked on the same trick the week before so while all the other dogs had a whole week to learn it, we’d be back the NEXT day so in order to not be shown up by all the other dogs, we’d have to get on it!

Amy: All the other dads had all week to practice!
Ben: We’ll get it!
Amy: Yeah, he’s such a smart boy! He’ll have it in no time!
Ben: Because he’s a GOOD BOY!
Amy: Yes he is! He’s a good smart boy!
Me: Yeah! And Ben will be home all day tomorrow BANGING THE DOG!
Ben: ….
Me: WHAT!?
Ben: HONEY!
Me: OH! OOPS!
Ben: *glare*
Me: *giggle*

And that is why often times when Ben has to leave the house he tries to lock me in the crate and take the dog with him instead.

That’s what she said.

Last last night, possibly very early this morning as we were getting into bed:

Me: If you get up before 9:00AM I am going to kill you.
Ben: That wasn’t nice.
Me: …

4:43AM this morning:

Me: SHIT! Honey, it’s 4:43!
Ben: It’s SATURDAY!
Me: Oh.
Ben: So should I kill you now?
Me: Shut up.

Welcome, gentle Sir Knight, to the Castle Anthrax!

We had a big family gathering yesterday because my cousin Sarah is carrying a big plump BlueBerry in her belly which will miraculously manifest into a perfect baby boy as it is birthed into the world in about two months.

My family will look for any reason to throw a party and because we are so spread out all over California, it’s hard for me to get to attend a lot of them but every time I do I am reminded just how completely awesome they all are.

I’m writing today because on a few occasions, various family members mentioned the blog to me because my dad had talked to them about it. When this happens, when somebody from my real life tells me that they are going to be checking out my blog, I always have this double edge reaction.

Reaction 1: Awesome! It’s a great way to keep up with what’s been goin’ on in my life and stuff.
Reaction 2: Shit. Maybe I should start to rethink my habit of using the word ‘fuck’ as a verb, noun, adjective. adverb and Proper Name in pretty much EVERY SINGLE POST I WRITE.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

So I figured the best way to welcome any new readers who happen to share the same blood as me to the site is to finally write that post I promised about the newest edition to our family: the boob mug.

The boob mug was given to Ben by a good friend who picked it up for him on a holiday cruise trip to Mexico. I immediately fell in love with it and don’t know how we managed to live such a happy life for so long without such awesomeness being present within our blessed home. I’ve been racking my brain to come up with a decent but not completely skankerific 365 shot using it as a prop. So, if you have ideas, please let me know.

The best part of owning the boob mug so far was the following exchange I had with Cassidy when I decided it would be better to tell her about it than have her open the cupboard some random day and be accosted by the drinkable nipple jumping out at her:

Me: So, have you seen the boob mug yet?
Cassidy: The what?
Me: The boob mug. It’s a mug that looks like a boob. It’s in the mug cupboard.
Cassidy: Oh, it’s a boob?! I saw it this morning and thought it was a REINDEER.
Me: A WHAT?!
Cassidy: A reindeer!
Me: Bwahahaahahaahahaahahahahah.
Cassidy: What?!
Me: That’s just hillarious.
Cassidy: Well, a boob mug in lame.
Me: NO IT IS NOT AND YOU WILL NOT SPEAK OF IT THAT WAY!
Cassidy: Whatever.

Welcome, family! This is what I write about! If you manage to make it past this post, I’ll assume that means you think I’m as awesome as I think you are.

Just Like A Tuesday.

At dinner tonight Cassidy asked about the relationship between cat and human years. I didn’t really know but I assumed that the general 7 years used for dog life would be close so Cassidy determined that KC was 70 years old. Her jaw dropped and she exclaimed that, “OMG KC IS REALLY OLD!” So I told her, “YEAH! Remember that next time you feel like chasing her around the house like a lunatic!” Then I told her that we’re really lucky that KC is still alive and with us because 10 is actually getting up there for a cat.

The conversation eventually turned to death and how it would feel to not have her around anymore which turned to:

Cassidy: I’d probably cry.
Me: I’d probably lose it, like, mentally. Seriously.
Ben: So it would be like… a Tuesday.
Me: I hate you.
Ben: *grin*
Me: And I’m totally blogging that later.

The ability to laugh at Ben making fun of my mental state is the best part of having a “normal” mental state.

And for the record, after doing some research I realized that KC is actually only 56 years old. Assuming she doesn’t get any fatter, or lazier, or bitchier, I think she still has a few good years in her.