Saturday Ben asked if I wanted to go look at some new stereo stuffs for my car. My M3 still has the stock head unit in it but I took the six disc changer out awhile ago because it wasn’t working for some reason which, whatever, I used the Ipod with tape adapter all the time anyway.

He warned me in advance, ‘We are just looking today. Pricing. Okay?’ as if I’m some impatient impulse buyer that doesn’t have any control. And I am. That is me in the relationship.

Ben: Do you really need more makeup?
Me: But I didn’t have this color!
Ben: Purple?
Me: It’s not PURPLE, it’s TRAX. That is other one is Violet. Plus it’s pigment, not eyeshadow.
Ben: You wear it on your eye.
Me: I JUST NEED IT, I HAVE TO BUY IT, IT’S A NEW COLOR AND SO PRETTY AND I JUST HAVE TO.

Or something.

Anyway, Ben drove my car a few weeks ago and when he put the tape in it made a sound like 500 gears being forced in the wrong direction. And that’s all it’s done since then. It. Has. Been. Rough. Mornings aren’t so bad because I listen to NPR and traffic updates but the afternoons, or anytime Cassidy is in the car, it kills me. Do you know how many times you have to search the entire FM band to find ONE good song? Well, in a three hour drive from here to Bakersfield, I managed to find ONE song. Seriously. One. Not that I even listen to good songs all the time. I mean, I have an 8 year old girl and there’s a lot of Fergie and Gewn Stefani goin’ on. Which I guess isn’t THAT bad. It could be worse. Like the Hanna Montana crap she’s suddenly OMG SO IN LOVE WITH BECAUSE SHE’S SO KEWL!

Ben: I’m thinking a nice head unit, an amp and some front speakers and you’ll be set.
Me: Whatever. As long as I can listen to my Ipod, I’m fine.

We ended up getting an Alpine iDA-X001 head unit built in collaboration with Apple for use with the Ipod. It even shows album art. TeeHee. Small pleasures. We also got some bad ass six inch Alumapro speakers for the front which will require some modification of the kick panel but these speakers almost caused me to have a spontaneous orgasm right there in the sound booth so I’M OKAY WITH THAT. Then Ben made the mistake of asking to listen to them WITH an Alumapro subwoofer and ‘almost’ turned into ‘real’ and we got it too and two Alpine amps to power them all. And they are really cute amps. That was one of them. I’m not sure which speakers that powers. I didn’t even know there were TWO until Ben just told me after laughing at me for not knowing. And blue cabling for all of it. And a capacitor, also Alumapro.

I drop the car off Friday night and can hopefully pick it up Saturday evening. *giddy*

The other big news?! Cassidy is home. Love. I was REALLY missing her the last week or so. That’s partly the reason I hadn’t blogged most of last week. All the posts turned into whiny sob stories of WHAAAA I miss my little 8 year old mouthy BFF/daughter/MiniMe! That lasted a whole 24 hours. Because she came home with pink eye (which they took her to the doctor and ‘treated’ her for so how the fuck does that happen?) and an over sized, incredibly skanky, Bratz Doll she named Cynthia. Cassidy even called her a Hoochie Momma. Thanks for teacheing her that term and letting her think it’s okay to use it in public conversation, ass fuckers.

Anyway, it’s good to have my sidekick home. And I better get to bed because I need to get up, get her to the doctor, then to work before 11:30 when we have a going away lunch for a co-worker.

Night, All!

I grew tomatoes!!! TADA!

I know, I know. Big deal right? Well, YES! It is a big deal! Because I’ve been trying to grow them for THREE SEASONS and this is the first time I’ve had a plant ACTUALLY produce a tomato.

In the past everybody told me to use Miracle Grow but I kinda feel like that’s cheating. I mean, do they genetically alter these fuckers to ONLY produce fruit if you chemically force them to? Maybe it’s some conspiracy that Miracle Grow has going on to up sales. But I dunno, I can see using it on flowering plants to balloon the bloom size to unnatural proportions but not something I’m going to eventually let Cassidy eat. I don’t need whatever chemical it is that causes the monster blooms to get into her system and somehow make her feet grow any bigger than they already are because they are already pushing the ‘unnatural’ envelope as it is.

I got some great news about a friend yesterday. And even though it wasn’t MY news I was so excited for them because I remember what it felt like to be in the spot they are in now and how wonderful it can feel and hearing THEIR good news actually put ME in a great mood! Funny how that can happen. Anyway, you know who you are and, YAY! Happy for your great news!

Ben was supposed to go to the track this weekend but money (it would be over $500 MORE then the $300+ he’s already spent on it AND he was at the track last week anyway which was probably another $500) and his head has started being a bastard again. He gets these headaches that come on randomly and literally floor him. He instantly gets hot (I’m sure his temperature goes up because he actually feels hot to the touch), feels nauseated, lays down and tries to sleep it off. He lays there and moans. That kills me. Two weeks ago when he was helping me with my exhaust he practically drove a screwdriver THROUGH his hand, washed it off and kept working like it was no big deal. So when he’s in so much pain that he’s on the couch groaning, I get worried. Really worried.

They have given him migraine medicine and so far it’s basically done: NOTHING. They are still coming and the medicine doesn’t seem to help AT ALL to get rid of them, or even help with the symptoms. Then for the entire following day he has what he describes as a ‘headache hangover’. Anybody else have these? Idea’s what it might be? I’m wondering if maybe some more drastic testing should be done…

Anyway, that was my Full of Randomness post for the week!

So Akismet has determined that I’m a spam bot. I’ve already had to contact TWO bloggers to ask them to mark me as ‘Not Spam’. I was in the spam folder. I feel so dirty. My beautiful witty comments lumped in with all the penis enlargement and barely legal ads. *shudder* It happened a third time on a site that I don’t frequent much and didn’t feel like contacting ANOTHER blogger about it so I submitted a help request to Akismet to please unlabeled me as trash, thanks! So if you have the most recent version of Akismet (since I tested it on Ben’s blog and the comment went through fine I’m assuming it’s only newer version) and I don’t comment for a few days, you know why.

Bother.

Cassidy is doing well. Although I made the mistake of telling her that I got her a Gwen poster at the beginning of the conversation and it went downhill for me after that because:

Cassidy: CARRIELEE!! My mom got me a Gwen Stefani poster!! Isn’t that cool. Mom, is it like Carrielee’s?
Me: No, they didn’t have…
Cassidy: (to Carrielee) It’s not like your’s though! Where should I hang it? I think on my..

HI! HELLO! Remember ME! She does, but I just don’t compete. I’m not even in the same REALM as Carrielee. Which on one hand, the selfish one, I HATE! But on the other, much bigger more reasonable hand, I think is the coolest thing ever. Because at least if I’m losing her to a BFF and I’m no longer considered the coolest person she knows, it’s Carrielee. Carrielee Marie, who was given her middle name after me and who I love so much it causes my heart to swell and explode into little piles of love goop.

You know what’s classy? Taking your New Girlfriend (decked out in mini skirt, belly top and fishnets) to the child support devision for an appointment you know that your Baby Mama is going to be at. When Dad and Baby Mama got up to go talk to the case worker and New Girlfriend started to walk back too, Baby Mom turned around and said, “You better SIT. YOUR. ASS. down.” If I’d had some popcorn and a 42oz. soda, I’d have been set.

I’d go into why I was there but not yet. Let’s just say that after letting $24,000 go unpaid just because I didn’t feel like fighting it went out the window the day I was called up and called a cunt because I didn’t feel like letting him get away with what I had in the past. And on the day we buried his uncle, no less. BIG. MISTAKE.

Cassidy is in Bakersfield with Carrielee and Amber for two weeks. I was literally getting in the car to leave and Cassidy and Carrielee were clinging to eachother with tears welling up and:

Amber: OMG! Just leave her here, we’ll bringher back in two weeks.
Cassidy: PLEASE MOM!! PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE?

At the same time as…

Carrielee: YEAH PLEASE?! PLEASE?! CAN SHE? CAN SHE PLEASE?! PLEASE ANNA?!
Me: OKAY! GOOD LORD, PEOPLE!

So she’s there with her BFF and her grandma and probably getting spoiled rotten and having a blast. Which gives me two weeks to do the Annual Room Cleaning Extravaganzaâ„¢. But not tonight! Tonight I need to go to bed for because I have to be rested for Gwen Stefani concert tomorrow! YAY! Girls night!

This is a picture of Cassidy’s first step. She didn’t walk till after she was year old because she was STUBBORN as hell. I tried for MONTHS to get her to JUST TAKE A STEP. All it took was Gerald baiting her with bubbles. Pa could get her to do anything he wanted, if he promised bubbles.

Every day when he got done with his service calls he’d come home and the second Cassidy would hear the garage door opening, she’d beeline for the door and wait on him. He’d come in and sit down and she’d pull off his shoes, then his socks, then he’d pick her up and carry her into the kitchen to grab a snack and they’d sit on the couch together and eat while Ada and I chatted with him about his day.

He was a very interesting character. He’d say the most OFF THE WALL things at the most random times. But his one true love in life was all of his ‘grandbabies’. Even though Cassidy and Carrielee weren’t technically his grand kids, he treated them like they were his very own blood. He spoiled them rotten and they all loved to fawn over him and take care of him.

After Ada died, Gerald was never really the same. At the end of her life I think he really, for the first time in a long time, fell passionately back in love with her. When he lost that love, I think that little sparkle in his eye faded some and, understandably, his general outlook on life faltered a bit. He still loved his grandkids. And he loved day trips to the casino. And he loved his family. But he wasn’t he same.

Three days before my last trip to Bakersfield (about a month ago), he found out that he had terminal cancer. It was everywhere. In every part of his body. They gave him months. He passed away peacefully this evening around 5:30PM. I spoke to his son and he said that Gerald was ready. He was in intense, constant pain. Hospice came out and gave him some pain medicine, made him comfortable, and shortly after that his body finally let go.

I had planned to go down there next weekend to see him. When I first got the news today I felt INCREDIBLY guilty for not having been there. I almost felt like I let Ada, Amber and Gene down. But I know now that this happened for a reason. It was his time, he was ready, and for whatever reason I was not meant to be there. When I saw him a month ago he told me that he was really proud of the little girl that Cassidy had grown into. And that he was happy for me and the life that I had built for myself here in San Jose with Ben. I understand now that he was saying goodbye then.

The service is Saturday so I’ll either be traveling down there tomorrow night or very early Saturday morning and won’t be around online much till probably early next week. So have a good weekend everybody, and let this be a reminder to hug the ones you love. Remind them how much you love them and how lucky you are to have today to be together.