I’m sorry for any whiny crybaby-ness this post may contain. Having said that, you are not allowed to complain at the end.

I am SO ON MY PERIOD. Thankfully, the normal physical STUPIDNESS that my body forces on me didn’t happen this month. Unfortunately, that left me no warning that It was coming. It first hit me Saturday morning when I got up and was seriously pissed off at the alarm clock. SERIOUSLY. Like, if it was an actual person that shook me awake at 8AM on a Saturday I’d have knocked it’s teeth out. When I was getting dressed I glared at it and rolled my eyes and cursed it under my breath. It just looked back at me and clicked off another minute, unfazed by my Death Glare, which pissed me off even more.

Luckly, I got Cassidy to Saturday School with no big drama and Ben was busy out in the garage with Reid so I didn’t really have anybody around to set It off. I just putzed around the house getting some laundry done and cleaning here and there while cussing at more inanimate objects. Except my beautiful plants. I didn’t cuss at them. I walked around the entire house checking on everything I planted last weekend. Everything was doing very well, growing and flowering and smelling wonderful and somehow that managed to turn my mood around and I was able to enjoy the rest of the day.

At noon I picked up Cassidy and we headed to the Children’s Discovery Museum which is 10 minutes away but we’d never been to. It was a little too young for Cassidy but she still had a good time. I even managed to have a good time despite the fact that a woman and her child seemed to be following us around the museum and whenever the child didn’t get what he wanted he’d lay down on the floor and violently convulse while screaming like a cornered pig. Seriously, at one point the kid laid there and screamed for a good 7-8 minutes while the mom JUST STOOD THERE AND WATCHED. When she tried to pick him up he started scratching and hitting and BIT HER! She just put him down and let him continue…

I was about to get up and drag him out of there myself when Cassidy tried to throw a ball into a massive whirlpool and missed, hitting The Mom of Screaming Terror Kid smack on the side of the face. Then I couldn’t get up for fear of PEEING MYSELF.

That evening we met The Gang at Dave and Buster’s to celebrate Guillermo’s birthday. I was designated driver (without much hesitation because I’m still a little sick from Sandra’s party a few weeks ago) but still had a great time and managed to hit the Jackpot on our favorite game four times total and three times IN A ROW. I rocked the ticket counter.

Then Sunday came and It was the absolute other end of the spectrum. My mom came with me to a Bridal Show and I turned into a CRYBABY! When the fashion show started I actually had to LOOK AWAY as all the skinny models strutted down the runway in frilly white dresses to keep from crying. I’m totally not kidding. I suddenly had this flash of me walking down the isle towards Ben holding my Dad’s arm and it was such a powerful feeling that I almost had to just leave. I was choking back tears and trying to blow it off as allergies. (Note to self: DO NOT plan wedding around time of period or you will just be a blubbering idiot bride.) I mean, I was CRYING over DRESSES! Who the fuck AM I!? I HATE DRESSES! OF EVERY COLOR AND SHAPE AND SIZE AND LENGTH AND PATTERN!!

Well, I don’t hate ALL dresses. (But most!) And then, after that feeling passed I started to panic that I’d never find THE dress. I know what I want, exactly. The cut, the color, the length the flow… and it’s a combination of about 15 different dresses that I’ve never seen combined into one. And it has to be perfect. I want Ben to become weak knee’d and light headed when I start down the isle. So it HAS to be perfect.

Then I started to realize just how expensive wedding’s really are. According to all the budget planners, reception’s are generally 40% of the wedding. The LOW END average of all the places I’ve looked at around here for 100 people is $6000. So if the receptions is $6000 and that’s 40% of the general wedding cost then are we looking at $15000??? To get MARRIED! No, no we can’t do that. That’s too much money to get married.

I have to scale down what I want. I try not to mention “last time” when I talk about this but in this case I will. Last time I didn’t really give a lot of input. I didn’t choose the flowers, I just kinda nodded and said “Yeah, that’s okay.” It was the same way with the cake and the decorations and the music… “Yeah, that’s fine we can do that.” Other than the dress, it just wasn’t me. Victorian is SO NOT ME. I want this wedding to be everything I’ve dreamed of. And I want it to be what Ben’s always thought this day should be. We really need to sit down and hammer out a budget because I want a Cinderella wedding but need to do it on a pre-Fairy Godmother budget.

And this is a testament to my state of mind… At one point during the fashion show, a bride came out holding a bouquet and threw it into the section making the most noise. The person catching it got a free bouquet ($175 value) from the flower vendor I FELL IN LOVE WITH. I waved my hands in the air like a lunatic SCREAMING for those flowers and the bride looked me square in the eye, tossed the bouquet in a perfect arc directly at me… and the girl IN FRONT OF ME jumped up and grabbed it out of the air. I looked at my mom, then back at the girl, then back at my mom who gave me this look of, “We are at a bridal show and if you make a scene I will TOTALLY DISOWN YOU.” She told Ben later, “I thought Anna was about to clobber the girl over the bouquet.” And she was right. That was MY BOUQUET DAMMIT and if my mom hadn’t been there to look at me I’d have grabbed that bouquet and ran for the door. But considering the 1000 rabid women around me, I’d have probably been beaten to death with Louis Vutton purses and four inch Manolo Blahnic’s.

THEN! To top off my emotional roller coaster, when I got home from the show I saw that somebody had ripped my daylily plant out of the ground and dropped it about three feet away. Two of the three stocks had been broken in half so it was completely not salvageable. I was heartbroken. I bought those flowers specifically because they are always included in any bouquet that Ben sends me. I’m sure this isn’t even some conscious decision of his, he just happens to choose bouquet’s that have them in there. But they are very sentimental to me and they were BEAUTIFUL and smelled SO GOOD and I couldn’t wait till they were producing enough flowers that I could bring them in and put a few on my desk and smile at them.

And that was it. The day before of being constantly strained and on the edge, Crazy Screaming Kid at the museum, the late night at Dave and Busters, the wedding show almost breaking me down, some lunatic woman grabbing MY BOUQUET, then my beautiful plant… I was just SO DONE WITH THE WEEKEND. I was exhausted. And I’m sure it was nothing more than my normal monthly period induced exhaustion + the after show Margarita my mom treated me to but I laid down on the couch and slept the rest of the weekend off like a bad hangover.

Taken by Jason Thrasher. I can’t tell you how bad I’d like to include this on our wedding announcements. heh heh.

We are alive. More importantly, for the first time in almost four days, Cassidy didn’t spend the entire day laying on the couch coughing. The fever is FINALLY gone. Finally. Yesterday was the first day that it never got over 100. Whew. Today we went and got pedi and manicures. We were both going pretty stir crazy and really needed to just be OUT OF THE HOUSE.

And… Ben bought me WOW. So, I’ve been avoiding this game for like, 10 YEARS. Any internet geek will know why. But after having played City of Heroes and loving it, but never so much that I lost my job, I figured it would probably be safe to try. I really like it. It’s much more compex than COH, and it’s taken a bit to get used to the lingo (Quest, not mission. Priest, not healer.) and the genre change, but it’s fun. I think that I like the futureistic feel to COH more, and TRAVEL POWERS, but in time I think it will all click and feel like home.

Anyway, my main (and only, heh) character is a level 10 Night Elf Priestess on Rexxar named Sylaa. So look me up sometime and say Hi, or let me know where you are and maybe I’ll look YOU up.

And that’s really all I have to say about the last four days. Because that’s all that’s happened. Cassidy and I caught up on ALL the DVR’d TV shows, any soap opera that currently plays on TV, and we’ve eaten FIVE BOXES of Girl Scout cookies. Okay, that’s really it.

I was telling Ben this morning how silly the girls are here at work. The ones that didn’t get flowers make sure to point it out and the girls that DID get flowers all say how “if he’d LISTEN for once he’d know I prefer YELLOW roses.” Or, “Yeah, that’s just what I need, more chocolate!”.

I feel sad for these girls. Sad that these women (who are ALL older than me) place so much value on such trivial crap. Like, choose to see the BRIGHT side of things. For ONCE. If he sent you chocolate he must not think your thighs are as big as you do, because if he did he’d have sent a box of Slim Fast. THAT would have been something worth complaining about!

During this talk I told Ben how lucky it makes me feel that we have eachother. Mainly, that I have him.

me: (K)(K)(K)(K)(K)
Benjamin: why all the kisses?
me: Well, I listen to the girls here find reasons to complain about Valentines Day and it makes me realize how lucky I am
Benjamin: well, I haven’t done anything today
so, how are you lucky today?
me: It doesn’t matter. You do things all the time
Benjamin: I do?
me: Yep.

So, why am I lucky? Let’s see…

1) I found The One. Knowing that with such certainty is a powerful feeling. Before Ben, I started to believe that feeling was just a myth. Something in movies and cheap paperback romance novels.

2) Maui

3) Ben has stepped up and proven to be a better father to my daughter than I ever thought ANY man could be. See, here’s the thinking positive part. I sometimes think that he’s too strict. I’m the lenient one, he’s the hard ass. That’s how our roles play out. BUT! He does these things, like coming home after a long day and sitting in shitty traffic for an hour and the first thing he does when he walks in is pay attention to Cassidy. Like, we exchange Hello’s, maybe kiss, or a ‘how was the drive’. But then he takes time to check on her. Is your homework done? Is your room clean? How was school? What did you learn today? Did anything funny happen? Have you figured out that quantum physics problem yet?

And I admit, there are days where I’m like, HELLO!! ME!! REMEMBER ME, ANNA, YOUR FIANCE, I HAD A GOOD DAY AND MY ROOM IS CLEAN AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS FUNNY STORY ABOUT THAT ONE GIRL WHOS BLOG I READ!!! But he does this because he loves her and he wants her to learn about being responsible and dependable and self reliant. Her future and the person she grows into is important to him. Cassidy and I are very lucky that he is a part of our lives.

4) He’s a bigger geek than I am and he doesn’t judge me for thinking that Voyager is the best Star Trek season or because I was Princess Leah for three Halloween’s in a row when I was younger. Or that I can totally kick his ass at Unreal Tournament. *swoon*

5) He’s passionate. And I don’t mean in the sexual sense. (Well, that too) He is passionate about life, about what he believes in and about the things he loves to do. I’m jealous of that sometimes. But it’s rubbing off on me.

6) He stuck by me when I was a manic, depressed, crazy wench. And be believed that I could get better.

7) I laugh. Everyday. At my own expense. Because him making fun of me is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. He’s the person that taught me to laugh at myself and best of all, to be able to appreciate the ability to do that.

I could really go on this way till my fingers can’t take it anymore. These are just a few of the things that I love, that I’m happy for, reasons that I think I’m lucky. Roses and chocolate are good, but knowing that I get to go home to the man of my dreams, my future husband, nothing compares to that…

Happy Valentines Day, Ben. (k)

Sometime in the last week, I think it was last weekend, Ben mentioned to me that he had a wound on the big vein that is on the back of your hand. Hold your hand in a fist for a few seconds and you’ll see it but it’s much more pronounced on men because they are big and strong and veiny. He mentions this as I’m getting ready to do something and he’s still in bed and I’m kinda running around somewhat not paying attention.

Ben: And you know what’s weird?
Me: Hmm?
Ben: I don’t have any idea how I got it.
Me: Yeah, I get them all the time. I usually don’t remember how I get my bruises.
Ben: But this isn’t a BRUISE. It’s a CUT. On my VEIN…
Me: Okay?
Ben: How would I get a cut right THERE and not remember it?

I could see where this was going now.

Me: Like, maybe you were abducted by ALIENS!!!
Ben: I know, right! Because you’d think that I’d remember something like a cut RIGHT THERE on the VEIN.
Me: Ohhhh… Let me see it…

For the last week, if he’s done anything out of the ordinary he points to the vein. And anytime I’ve wanted to blame something on him I point to the vein. HAR! Ben is a comedian.

Friday night at Red Robin I was feeling pretty good for the first time in a WEEK. I think I actually made it 30 minutes without coughing violently. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie when we got home so I asked what we had…

Ben: That Nascar movie with Will Ferrel, Lost Season 1: Disk 1 and Lady in the Water.
Me: No Lady in the Water. Scarry movie. Won’t watch it. I’m in more of a comedy mood anyway.
Cassidy: Lets watch the comedy!
Ben: Do you now what a comedy is?
Cassidy: No.
Ben: Do you know what a comedian is?
Cassidy: Nope.
Ben: A comedian is somebody who does funny things or says funny stuff and makes you laugh.
Cassidy: YOU!!! *points to Ben*
Me: *chokes on my Vodka tonic from laughing*
Cassidy: *laughs at herself even though she has no idea why she’s so funny*
Ben: So what do you think comedy means?
Cassidy: I don’t know! *laughs*
Ben: Well if your mother had been able to maintain her COMPOSURE you might have had a better chance of figuring it out…
Me: *looks cute*

And I can’t help it! Because, Ben!! YOU ARE FUNNY. And funny = comedian and when she pointed it out that way so innocently and with such matter-of-factness I had no CHOICE but to laugh!!

And I was only going to write about the comedian comment but you seemed kinda disappointed that I didn’t mention to the internet that you were abducted by aliens out of our bed one night. That’s what you should have talked about last time the camera was on you.