In 140 (plus possibly 673 more) characters or less.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I should tweet that” only to find that it’s just not possible to get your iFriends to fully appreciate the awesomeness of trying to explain to your daughter just how NOT OKAY it is to tell somebody they have fat feet?

Well, I do. Like, all the time. Seriously.

And I always think to myself that HELLO!! BLOG!! But then I start to wonder if posting crazy stuff in little bursts like that will fill up your Google feedreader (all 38 of you!) and risk you hitting that unsubscribe button. The problem is that I just don’t have it in me right now to sit and really write.

Truth: I’m stressed the fuck out.

Ben still hasn’t found a new job. We all need summer clothes but I keep thinking we can wear these jeans just a bit longer. Do I really want to spend THAT MUCH MONEY on razors?! Especially if nobody can see my legs because I never wear shorts because I only have two pair that I can wear. I want to sign Cassidy up for some kind of summer camp but with Ben here, it’s seems silly to spend money on something like that when he’s here to keep her busy. I really want a new iPhone, mine is on it’s last legs but I’m not about to blow $199 on a new phone when I think of all the other things we need. I had the idea to sell a purse and some makeup to cover the cost of the phone but if I sell that stuff there are so many other things that money could go towards and iPhone isn’t at the top of the list, things like summer clothes still are. It’s not that we CAN’T go out and buy these things, it’s not that bad, it’s just getting over the mental hurdle of buying anything we don’t ABSOLUTELY NEED until Ben finds work.

I’ve been taking on a lot of extra responsibility at work which is great because I’ve basically injected myself into the new system we are about to roll out so I’ve got job security. But. It also means more work, added stress and having to deal with more people. Also, not having time to blog from work.

And I hate to lay this onto Ben. I know that he’s equally as stressed out as I am and what words can he offer me? We’re in this together. It’s not something where one of us can look in from the outside, sheltered and unaffected, to give comfort to the other. We are both suffering. And as much as we’ve both tried to not let it effect us, it has. I’m sure that he’s SO READY to be out of this house and back into the workforce that it’s frustrating for him. Add that to me being completely stressed out and it’s naturally led to some tension at home which means; more stress.

Then one of the hardest things for me, the one I constantly have to tell myself to not dwell on, is that I really hoped this year would be the one where we’d start trying to grow the family and, obviously, we aren’t about to go down that road when we aren’t financially stable. The hardest part is watching people all around me get pregnant. There are TWO girls out of the 8 on my team at work that are expecting, too many online friends to count have suddenly all started popping up pregnant or about to deliver or have newborns, then family members… It’s SO hard to sit back and read/watch that. I am honestly so happy and beyond thrilled for all of these awesome girls and families but hearing about it is so bitter sweet. Sometimes if feels like 97% bitter and 3% sweet. Something I try not to dwell on but tell that to my uterus and that stupid clock ticking so hard it’s like an entire drumline has taken up residence in my cerebral cortex and boy are they throwing one hell of a kegger.

*deep breath*

So yeah, I tend to stop blogging when I start to feel this way because as much as I try to not let my mood effect my writing THAT MUCH, it does and I can’t control that.

SO ANYWAY! I’ve decided that it’s kind of silly to let aflux just sit here and rot, right? There are awesome resources out there like the WordPress iPhone app so I can publish those moments on the go. The good ones. The ones that make me smile and forget the stress and help the day pass by. The ones I hope to start documenting so that I can look back at the end of the day and smile and say, hey! Things aren’t THAT BAD! Cassidy thinks I have some pretty PHAT feet!

Book Giveaway Winner!

Congrats, Ms Constantine! You won the signed copy of “It Sucked and Then I Cried”! I’ll be emailing you in just a minute so that I can get it sent to you.

Make sure you all check out her Etsy store that has ADORABLE necklaces, earrings and rings. I’m thinking about getting a piece of her jewelry for the next giveaway. Or possibly a gift certificate for her store and the winner can pick what they want? We’ll see!

PUPPY UPDATES TOMORROW!

Giveaway: It Sucked and then I Cried

I discovered dooce.com and Heather Armstrong the day she posted the photo of Leta’s birth. That one small post captured me and I spent the next several days between work and home life reading the blog from the very beginning. I loved every single post. I’d never thought going forward from there that her writing would effect me as much as it did.

When she started suffering from depression, and OPENLY wrote about it, I would read the posts and say WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HEAD!? The words she spoke, the symptoms she had, the feelings that she was expressing, they were all things I had felt, suffered, hid and ran from for much longer than I can remember. There have been times that I’ve started to feel that way again, and I go back and read those posts and they somehow remind me of how far I’ve come since then, and that there is always light on the other side of that dark, deep tunnel of despair.

I know that I’m not the only person she’s touched with her writing so when I went to her reading and signing for It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita I immediately thought of getting a second copy to give away here. I know that quite a few of my readers have had similar experiences with the disease and if reading her thoughts has helped any of you as much as it’s helped me, I think you will appreciate this book.

The book itself is basically passages pulled straight from her blog, although some of them seem to have been expounded on a bit. Now I have a convenient, hard back covered way to read through these passages while sitting on the toilet trying to get five minutes of peace from the ALWAYS TALKING NEVER STOPPING ten year old.

AND! YOU CAN TOO!

I’m giving away a signed copy to one of you. All you have to do is comment here and say hi, tell me about your experience with depression, just say I WANT THE BOOK, or take a few minutes to tell me how awesome I am. I don’t really care what the comment says, you just have to get one in to enter and use a VALID EMAIL ADDRESS so I have a way to contact you. You have till next Wednesday, April 8th at midnight to enter. I will write down the name of all the commenters (one entry per person), put them into a hat and pull one out. Seems more fun than those silly randomizer things. I’ll made a video of it or something too just to make it MORE EXCITING! I’ll post the winner Thursday or Friday so make sure to check back then.

Also, if you’d like to tell others about the contest, feel free just don’t be spammy about it. Your blog readers and twitter followers will appreciate it.

So go forth! Comment! Enter! Discuss! AWAY!

In which I use bullets to distract you from the fact that I haven’t posted in a month.

People Updates:

• I have a very small hairline fracture on my ankle. That in itself isn’t painful. The severe sprain has me still limping around in a brace over a week later. I wish there was some awesome story or explanation how I was doing something REALLY COOL and REALLY FUN and REALLY NEAT but there isn’t. I fell getting out of the truck. In front of people. Who just watched me fall, severely sprain my ankle, and fracture it a little, and then they all turned around and walked away. THE END!
• Cassidy is totally turning into a TWEEN. There are a lot of things I looked forward to when I became a mom… first steps, first words, first day of school, it was going to be all fun and smiles and swings and cartwheels. Then she turned 10 and was all HA HA JOKES ON YOU, SUCKER! There’s too much to post about this under the scope of a single bullet. THE END!
• KC the cat and Hans are complete and total lazy asses. Hans spent ALL DAY SATURDAY on our bed asleep. KC hasn’t moved off the same couch cushion in two days. THE END!
• Ben is the most patient, understanding, ball of fantastic ever to grace the face of our fine planet. And also, falling asleep next to his warm body is the highlight of my day. THE END!

House Updates:

• We ordered blinds from Home Depot. Yes, I own Home Depot a letter of apology. Six blinds to go on the upper windows all over the top of the living room. We also paid for installation because ladders, heavy awkward wooden blinds, and blond don’t mix. I’m really excited for them to get here and be installed. They will help a lot with the sunlight that you can’t escape in the afternoons and also keep the heat out some in the summer.
• We also have a quote from a landscaper to come in and fix some sprinklers and clean out the pond, install a new pump and get it all up and running again.
• We’ve been slowly cleaning out the yards. Trimming bushes, mowing lawns, cutting down trees, this list is really endless so I’ll just stop there. It’s looking good and will only be getting better as the weekends pass!

Misc Updates:

• I forgot to mention the severe hives attack I had for about two weeks. It sucked. I went an ENTIRE WEEK with ZERO wheat, the hives went away, I laid in the bed in a fetal position and cried. I’ve very slowly started introducing some back into my diet, but not much. MUCH less than I was eating before. Being allergic to wheat is about a fun as having your teeth knocked out one at a time. With a jackhammer.
• I have become slightly obsessed with YouTube. Specifically, makeup guru videos. I have a few favorites and I have a blog post half written to point you to some of the best ones. Also, I finally broke my six month No Makeup Buying Binge and got a few things. I also have a blog post partly written about that because I’ve found some AMAZING stuff for AMAZING deals and I want to share.
• If I were a teenage girl, I’d totally have a poster of Adam Lambert on my wall. Best Idol by far this season. He makes it seem as if singing is just… effortless. TEAM ADAM!
• If you haven’t yet, check out Castle. Nathan Fillion is so awesome. I’ve had a nerd crush on him since I fell in love with Serenity and Firefly and he’s every bit as awesome in Castle.
• Heather Armstrong is going to be in Mountain View tomorrow and I’ve been trying to fit her book signing into my schedule but it’s so late and 40 miles from home where I’ll be then. It’s only 12 miles from work but I’d have to find something to do for five hours before the signing. DILEMMA!
• I need to charge the DSLR batteries. For serious.
• THE END!

That’s what she said.

Last last night, possibly very early this morning as we were getting into bed:

Me: If you get up before 9:00AM I am going to kill you.
Ben: That wasn’t nice.
Me: …

4:43AM this morning:

Me: SHIT! Honey, it’s 4:43!
Ben: It’s SATURDAY!
Me: Oh.
Ben: So should I kill you now?
Me: Shut up.