30
One more fickrite added to the family.
Holy shit!! Hell finally froze over (and boo to that because I hate the idea of spending eternity IN THE COLD) and Ben FINALLY registered a flickr account! I’ve only been hinting that he do this for about… 2 years now!
People ask me why he never comments on my pictures and hardly ever on my blog posts and the answer is: Because his computer desk is directly next to mine. He doesn’t need to type things out because he can use his actual voice and mouth and stuff. Crazy, right?! Ben is my biggest critic and I don’t say that in a bad way. He often praises me highly for things that I’ve done well, or right, or just don’t totally fuck up. But he also gives me honest opinions when I ask for them, and sometimes when I don’t.
This is how it usually goes:
Me: What do you think of this so far?
Me: *points to Photoshop mock up of theme for WordPress*
Ben: Ummm.
Me: Be honest. I’m serious, I want your honest opinion. What do you think?
Ben: It’s too pink.
Me: To PINK!? How is that even possible?
Ben: *looks at monitor, then back at me, then back at monitor*
Me: I’m serious, I want an HONEST opinion.
Ben: I gave you one!
Me: You said it was too PINK! It’s not even DONE yet how could you know how PINK it’s going to be!? Maybe I’ll just change all the pink to YELLOW, THEN WHAT?!
Ben: It will be too yellow?
Me: WHATEVER!
Ben: You are fucking crazy.
Me: Okay, maybe I’ll take some of the pink out.
About two weeks ago we kind of “got into it” because he left me a comment here that I thought was a bit on the harsh side. But I needed it. It was because I mentioned something here that I don’t normally talk about ever and made a comment along the lines of “nobody will ever understand” when I should have prefaced or finished the sentence with “because I don’t talk about it ever and don’t give them the chance”. Because if there’s one thing that Ben WILL do, it’s listen and understand. Even if it ends with him kicking me in the ass and telling me to GET OVER IT, he will listen and understand first. This is kind of my way of publicly telling him I’m sorry I was such an asshole about that situation.
So it’s not because he doesn’t read, he does. And sometimes he tells me, “Wow, that was a really great post.” And sometimes he tells me, “You SERIOUSLY think that?” And I welcome both forms of criticism. I just welcome one with open arms and the other with a drop kick to the head… and that’s something I’ve tried to work on for a long time and will continue to have to work on. I know that Ben is honest with me because he knows that it will make me a better writer, a better communicator and a better PERSON. I just need to work on remembering that in the moment when the words are first spoken.
And I could be totally wrong about why he doesn’t comment more, but I’m sure if I am, he’ll clear it up for me in a comment. 
11
Dear Firefox,
Normally I have warm, fuzzy, wonderful feelings about you. Tonight I’d like to shove sticks under your thumbnails and force you to eat slugs. Can you just SEE THE GODDAMN BORDER?! And really, would it BE SO HARD to just LET THE DIV BE 100% height? Please? I promise to be nice and make you cookies when we are done.
IE is playing nice. So until you decide that you are not ‘above’ playing with us, I’m going to have to rethink our relationship.
Not so patiently waiting,
Antigone
X0X0
2
Super Secret Stuff.
AKA: Operation SSS. Tonight I’m installing a mod that will allow me to limit who can see certain posts to registered members who I’ve allowed access. I’ve wrestled with this decision for a long time. The one thing I don’t want, is to ever have to censor myself here but because some people still check the site even though they should have stopped caring about what I have to say MONTHS ago, I’ve decided it’s time.
I don’t want some of the things I discuss here to EVER be used as ammunition against myself or Ben or Cassidy or anybody else I love and the only way I can ensure that is to keep some of the stuff I need to rant/vent/GET THE FUCK OUT out of the public eye. For now at least.
I’m going to pretty much approve anybody who registers EXCEPT the petty morons that I’m trying to keep out so go ahead and register and I’ll get around to approving people ASAP. You only have to do it once, choose the option to stay logged in and you’ll be set. Only posts where I talk about certain topics will be hidden, but for the most part I’ll continue to blog publicly like I always have.
It sucks I have to do this, it really does. But I don’t need people perpetuating drama that I let go of awhile ago and I have other things to focus on right now like my wedding (OMG I’M GETTING MARRIED) and not killing anybody before the PMS completely subsides.
1
Dropping a line.
I don’t blog enough. It’s not for lack of things to say. I have PLENTY to say. As a matter of fact Ben would probably love it if I didn’t say SO MUCH to him and started saying more HERE again. I wish I could come up with the reason that I haven’t been blogging more. Maybe I’ve just been lazy? I feel like I should entertain you all with blog posts. I go back into my archives sometimes and read “Today was fun. We ate this here and we shopped there and then Cassidy said something funny and isn’t that super swell?!” and I actually bore MYSELF!
I don’t ever want to say that I’ve ‘outgrown’ blogging. I haven’t. If you have one and you are here there’s a very good chance that I’ve read it today. I still read them a lot. A lot, a lot. If you comment, I read your blog and I probably even add you in my favorites and I will come back and read again. I’m fascinated by your life. I’m fascinated by the fact that you have kids, or you swear you will never have kids, or that you are married to a funny guy, or that you just broke up with the love of your life. I’m fascinated by that funny story you told about your dog and the garden hose, the one about how you daughter hasn’t gone to the restroom in 5 days made me cry and wish you well, and I love all the off the wall pictures you post of your doorknob.
I promise I’ll start trying to do better. Now that I think about it, maybe I just needed a little break. A chance to let my engagement story linger there at the top. Once I start blogging again, that will fall back into those pages of archives and some of you won’t get the jist of how powerfully in love I am. And My Maui pictures will fall off the main page and I’ll have to come to terms with the fact that I’m actually back here in San Jose and when I open my eyes tomorrow I won’t still be on vacation.
But, I have no doubt that planning a wedding will make for some interesting times ahead. It’s started. I’ve purchased every single wedding magazine I’ve found and also got this FANTASTIC planner that I’ve spent hours reading and pouring over and started formulating ideas and pictures in my head…
So that actually gives me some ideas for blog posts! So, I guess I’m back? If I haven’t commented on your blog in awhile, or you’ve never commented here, comment or drop me an email or just wave excitedly from your computer chair and I’ll do the same in return.
4
TaDa.
So, here’s the thing… This theme has a long way to go. Having it finished, cleaning the house, getting myself and Cassidy packed for 9 days and work are not all going to happen. Something needs to be pushed to the back burner and since those other things are things I CAN’T push back the site it is.
I have things I need to fix. I haven’t even TOUCHED the menu. I have something pretty planned. The comment form is HORRID. But I wanted to just throw it up here to take advantage of some of the features I took the time to incorporate so I ganked the code from my last theme, altered it a bit and pasted it in there. I have something pretty planned for it too. The blog titles are… *shudder* AND there’s so much more but *shrug*, it is what it is. For now at least. Till it’s something better. Which it will be once we get back. Or later.
I don’t know if I’ll be posting before I leave but I will be posting pics from the camera phone and updating flickr so check them often. And keep an eye on “follow me” to see what we have going on. Love you all and I’ll catch ya on the flip side. 
