So it has come to my attention that while I’ve been in internet hybernation that the world has continued to revolve around me and there’s so much to talk about “there’s no excuse to not be posting more than I am.”

*shrug*

I’d like to point out that I’ve been pretty active over on flickr. My 365 attempt has been a BIG SUCCESS so far. And by that I mean, I HAVEN’T FAILED! Yet. Yesterday marked my 49th day which means I’ve officially made it farther than any other attempt. This time I let go of the ridiculous notion that all of my pictures are going to be fabulous and planned and brilliantly photoshopped into perfection. And it’s odd because now that I’m not constantly stressed out about getting a shot up, the days that I do take the time to set them up and then photoshop the hell out of them they are coming out pretty damn well! Some of my most favorite self portraits to date, actually. Here’s a few that I’ve loved so far:

THERE! I’m done whoring myself. For now!

Lets see, what else is going on? Okay, I’ll start with this. I was temporarily pissed off at the internet. I lost a few (what I thought were) good friends over a message board around the end of November and I was just kind of like BLAH. And it was one of those things I really wanted to write about to “let it all out” but I know that it will just create more waves and it’s not really worth it. I never thought that by closing down a message board, so many people would turn into complete idiots and OMGHATE ME FOREVER(exclamation point). And to them I can just say: WHAT. EV. ER. If your way of getting over it is to have to kiss the ass of people that you claimed to hate and treated like shit for over two years so be it. I’m glad I finally found out your true character, which is “two face and spineless” and I’ll leave you with this:

You are a lemming. Enjoy the jump, it’s a long way down.

*splash*

Moving along!

I’m starting a “raw diet” today. Another reason I haven’t been around much is that I’ve been feeling like complete crap. Literally. Everything I eat is being ejected from my stomach in a foul manor. EVERYTHING. I eat plain white rice and suddenly I’m in pain and can’t get more than 100 feet from a toilet without panicking. I’ve done a lot of reading online the last few days and I’m thinking if I can get my body to detox it might help. I’m a little worried about protein intake though so while I might not stick to it as stringently as some people, if I do eat meat it won’t be blue cheese encrusted and doused in butter… sadly.

And lastly! I’ll really try and make a more solid effort to blog more. I have still been reading your blogs (Google Reader = *heart*) daily and need to get back into the swing of things around here.

I’m always fascinated when people throw the “narcissistic” ball at bloggers. And there really isn’t a valid way to argue against it, right? I write about me because I assume that you are going to be interested in what I have to say about me. So yeah, anybody that has a personal domain carries around a healthy amount of The Veinâ„¢.

My dad likes to tease me about the narcissism of blogging and self portraits but we laugh about it because, it’s TRUE! I love me! IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! And my dad bought me the PJ’s to prove it so really, I blame him.

My question to YOU is why YOU care so much? I write about me because I think that I am awesomely fantastic. But why do you read about me? And when you do, and you’re so appalled by it, why do you come back? Over and over. To read more and more. Why do you take time out of your day to comment or email and tell me how vein I am? Because all you’re doing is inflating the ego. I HAVE FANS! I must write more! MORE!

It’s this never ending debate I see rampaging the internet every where I turn. The bloggers write about themselves and the haters write about how much they hate you writing about yourself. “Mommy bloggers” are especially prone to this because a lot of parenthood is about failure. Lots and lots of bumps and bruises and finding out what works by realizing what DOESN’T. I’ve not come across a SINGLE mommy blogger that doesn’t have at least ONE regular commenter there telling them in every comment thread:

“I can’t believe you gave your child SODA! You fucking monster!”

“I can’t believe you posted yours child’s PICTURE on the INTERNET! What about predators?!”

“I can’t believe you told the WORLD about when your child fell down and cracked open his head! Where were you? Probably BLOGGING, you horrible, unfit, asswad! Get off the internet and raise your kids!”

And here I am saying it: I don’t get YOU. At least my focus is on ME. I write because it’s an outlet. I have this grand illusion that people will actually want to read what I have to say, that maybe they will enjoy it and get a little chuckle, or walk away with a new perspective, or just slightly less bored than when they sat down. But at the very core of it, I write because when putting it down “on paper” I have to actually form my thoughts and opinions into complete sentences and organize them in paragraph form and I’m foced to confront them. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gotten half way through a blog post and gone, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Epiphany!

I sit down and blog knowing that today I will probably learn something new about myself, and two years from now I can look back on today and see how stupid I was back then. YOU sit down to read what I have to say to pick it apart and twist it into something evil and wrong and *gasp* vein!

So you tell me, who sounds like the bigger fool here?

P.S. - I don’t really have any haters. The “I” here was written to speak for bloggers as a whole. Remember, I’m too awesomely fantastic to have haters. BAM!

At what point in your life do you realize that holding on to animosity and grudges rob you every second you dwell on them? I guess everybody has to find that realization in their own time and in their own way. For me, it happened in the last two weeks. If you’d have asked me six months ago if I was aware enough to know this I’d have said yes, but I’d have been so very wrong. And in another six months I might think the same thing about this moment right now… But for right now, I’m there. I’ve chosen to not carry around those feelings like an egg on a spoon, always afraid that a gust of wind will come along and knock them off to stink up my life.

I let go. I hope others can do the same in the long run. I guess time will tell.

I’ll be back to blog soon. Once to post this in more depth but behind a protected post. I’m adding a plug in to let “select” registered users read them. I’ll let you all know more when that takes place and how to gain access.

And! Ben and I are having a little debate about how far Neo’s ability to bend the space time continuum extends and we need The Internet’s opinion to settle it.

I’m a website Nazi. I like eye candy. Web 2.0 graphics and simple design that allows content to shine while not feeling like you are being slapped in the face by a decaying trout. I like different without being tacky. I’ll close a blog simply because it’s header image is a blend of Avril Lavigne from 12 different angles in the same outfit. Even if it’s the most profound, well thought out, earth moving piece of literature, it’s just too painful to have to scroll past that image. The same image I’ve been looking at since 1995 only then it was a still innocent and cocaine free Britney.

And I feel like a hypocritical asswad for writing that given the state that aflux is in right now. There are times I come to the site and am actually a little embarrassed. It’s not that the design isn’t nice because it is. It’s a beautifully coded theme but it’s not MINE. There is nothing original about it at all. You can google the name and come up with thousands of pages of people using it. Yet I’ll sit here and judge YOU for doing the exact same thing.

I guess this is all leading up to the fact that I’ve realized this now and am ready to do something about it. I’m ready to comit more time to making it into something that you, the reader, will enjoy. Before now I’ve always been about me. I blog for me and that won’t change but in the times that I’ve let the site sit idle for weeks between posts and watched the site stats fizzle and comments come to a halt… I really miss you guys! I’m not about having the most comments, or visitors, or how little the number of my technorati score becomes… I miss YOU GUYS. I miss interacting with the people that for whatever reason, seem to want to hear what I have to say. I miss writing. I don’t expect to become the next dooce, or have the following that RSM has and honeslty, I don’t think I’d want that. I’ve only been hatemailed a handful of times and I’d like to keep it that way. I’ve seen the kind of spazzed out cocksuckers that even my tiny little corner of the web can attract and I never want to deal with ALL THAT.

I have a design started. It’s a much bigger undertaking than anything I’ve attempted before and I can’t believe how much things have changed in the world of web deign. It’s been a good two years since I’ve designed and coded something and it actually feels really good to “get my feet wet” again.

This is also me saying publicly that I’m going to try and stop the asswadishness. I’m not going to judge a site based on it’s color scheme or how painful the sting is as the trout whips across my face over and over and over again. I’m going to be better about returning comments. Because if you have taken the time to actually read and respond to me, the very least I can do is take the time to get to know you better and let you know that I care.

PS - Hopefully I’ve kissed ass enough that you don’t hate me for the new text links. I’ll be writing more about them very soon. Please don’t hate me?

I’m lazy. So here ya go! I’ve a recycled theme I coded in 2005. Look at all of it’s old skoolness. The really close together white font on a black background. Hostees!! (Which I totally don’t have anymore so don’t bother clicking). That silly little stat counter… I still remember sitting in our tiny apartment creating that image. Isn’t in so 2005?! I love it.

Anyway, since I know me and it will be at LEAST a week month

before I get something completely coded I’m going to revive some old themes and throw them up for fun in the mean time. Enjoy!