Because I learn everything the hard way I offer you advice on how NOT to start becoming a runner.

If you follow me anywhere in the internet lately then you’ll have noticed that I’ve been running a lot more.

DO NOT WORRY! This will never be a running blog. I am the very LAST person you should ever turn to for running advice because my plan failed at step 1 which was: Go outside and put one foot in front of the other in a fast motion till you want to throw up then stop.

I made pretty much every single rookie mistake there is to make even though I have a living Running Dictionary sleeping in bed next to me every night. This is a pretty big difference between Ben and I. He decides he’s going to do Something then sets about reading every single piece of information that he can get about Something. As a result, he learns from the mistakes of others before he makes them. I generally decided that I am going to do Something then I do it and make ALL THE MISTAKES along the way and then Ben tells me how he warned me about those mistakes before I made them and I nod and agree then jump head first into my next big Something.

Some people are readers, some are jumpers. Admittedly, the jumpers end up learning in more painful ways but we also give the readers something to read about. The world needs both but there have been a LOT of situations where I wish I was a reader!

So if you are a reader and not a jumper I’m going to list my mistakes here and if you choose to, you can avoid the painful landing by taking some of my VERY AMATEUR advice.

FOUREYES!

Mistake 1: I started out on a pair of shoes that felt comfortable in the store and were pretty and on sale.
Result: Shin splints so bad I had trouble walking for three days after running less than a mile total and soles that felt like they were bruised after every run.
Learn From My Mistake: Go get professionally fitted for a pair of running shoes and be okay spending the bulk of your gear money on them. Fleet Feet is a really great place to start. Or find a locally owned and operated running store in your area. Not only will you get great shoes but many of them offer running groups of all levels and can tell you all the best trails in your area.

Mistake 2: Thinking that since I’ve decided I’m a runner, I can go run a ridiculous distance without any build up.
Result: Extreme soreness that made running again anytime soon absolutely impossible and burn out before I’d ever really started.
Learn From My Mistake: COUCH TO 5K! GET IT! FOLLOW IT! DON’T SKIP AHEAD! I’ve seen SO MANY PEOPLE say that they started the C25K program and think that first week was too easy so they skip ahead and soon after give up because it seems too hard. The program is specifically built to ease you into running. I started and failed it THREE TIMES before finally reading a thread about it on MyFitnessPal that said what I am saying now. Those first few weeks were hard for me because I wanted to run more. I wanted to BE A RUNNER ALREADY but then around week 5 I had to actually repeat a week because it started to be tough. Repeating a week is okay, they even say that when you start but DON’T skip ahead! I told Ben that I look back at week 5-6 when I honestly thought there was NO WAY I’d ever be able to run for 8 minutes at a time now I’m running for 45 minutes straight.

FOUREYES!

Mistake 3: Thinking gym workout clothes and “running clothes” were interchangeable.
Result: Raw skin in very unfortunate areas and overheating to the point of nearly passing out.
Learn From My Mistake: Not all gym clothes are built the same. Cotton tanks work for me on cooler days but on hot days you will really want a light weight and breathable material. Also, I’ve found that for me tighter fitting shorts keep my inner thighs from rubbing. I always assumed all those tight fitting running bottoms were for show but they aren’t. They REALLY are more comfortable when you get into longer distances. If you are uncomfortable in something tighter fitting, look into running skirts. They cover more but still have the shorts built in.

Mistake 4: Thinking that every blog post and person and magazine article and book was wrong about the nutrition needed to maintain the body during a run.
Result: Some really unfortunate and silly looking HIGH SPEED runs to get home as soon as humanly possible because of runner’s trots. They exist and they suck. Also, bonking is a thing and there is no bigger buzz kill on a run than suddenly running out of energy to finish.
Learn From My Mistake: EAT! Eat before, eat during, eat after. Every body is different and it will take some time to learn the best time for fuel ingestion and exactly what that fuel is but don’t starve your body. EAT! For me a banana no less than an hour before and a Gu gel 15 minutes before start is golden. I run in the early evening so I’ve already had breakfast, snack and lunch then the banana and Gu. I usually have a recovery drink when I finish and then dinner within two hours. If I don’t get enough food in me before that early evening run, if I skip lunch for instance, it makes me feel like I’m running through a foot of mud. I’ve never actually run through a foot of mud but I can’t imagine it would suck any less than bonking from lack of food. EAT!

FOUREYES!

Mistake 5: Stretching is stupid, I’m already flexible.
Result: OMG WHY DO I HURT IN ALL THE PLACES?!
Learn From My Mistake: STRETCH! MAKE the time. When you plan for a run, include time to stretch before and after. Give yourself at LEAST 15 minutes after you run to stretch out those warm muscles. There are about 76,184,615,464 videos on YouTube for post run stretching. I also incorporate one day a week to do Christine Felstead’s Runner’s Yoga. I want to punch her in the face through most of it but it really has made a difference in my calves, hips and hamstrings. It makes sore muscle recovery time faster and has even made it easier to run since I realized how important the hips are when you run.

That’s enough for now. I am by no means any kind of expert. I am still very much an amateur runner so all I can do is give you all the opportunity to learn from my silly mistakes. Through all that though, I have to say, I REALLY LOVE TO RUN. Four-months-ago-me used to read runner’s blog posts about how much they love to run and I wanted to reach through the screen and punch them square in the jaw for being asshole liars because nobody could ever love this torture! I’ve never been so happy to admit how wrong I was.

A Small Sampling of Conversations from the Hirsch Household.

Ben: What kind of pizza do you want?
Me: I don’t care.
Ben: I’ll just get what I got last time.
Me: I don’t like their Hawaiian.
Ben: Then don’t eat it. There’s a whole other half.
Me: I didn’t like that one either.
Ben: This is why husbands kill their wives.
Me: Truth.

For Christmas a coworker got me some really pretty stemless wine glasses with a gold “A” on them.

Cassidy: So can I use these?
Me: Does your first name start with an “A”?
Cassidy: No.
Me: Then no!
Cassidy: Sometimes you call me Asshole.
Me: Dammit.

I’m so sorry and I’m totally giving you a hug in my mind.

So I was at the vet yesterday to get annual shots for the dogs. I normally take them in one at a time because their shots stagger a bit but I had them both because I wanted to make sure they were absolutely as up to date a they could be since we are going to be boarding them over the Thanksgiving holiday.

Our dogs have completely different reactions when they walk in the door of the vet. Kumo thinks that the vet is Dog Disneyland. Everybody takes the time to scratch your ears and your butt and there are treats and chicken baby food and it’s all about MEEEEEEEEE! He goes in tail wagging and smelling all the things and talking to anything that moves. Danica, who doesn’t really enjoy being loved on by people that aren’t Her People, thinks that the vet is highly over rated and it’s stupid people touching her and WHO ASKED YOU TO TOUCH ME JERK and NO I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE CHICKEN BABY FOOD STOP TOUCHING ME JERK.

I have no problem dealing with each of the dog’s individual personality quirks when I have them in there one at a time and had we been in the waiting room alone (which is the case 99.9% of the time I’m there) I think it would have been fine. Of course this time since I had both dogs it was also the .01% of the time that the waiting room was not empty. It was full of KIDS. OUT OF CONTROL KIDS.

From the second I walked in the door the kids were all over the place. Kumo LOVES IN ALL CAPS all kids. They are at his level so the perfect height to face lick and most kids love dogs and want to hug them and scratch them and throw things for them so they were pretty much the icing on top of the Vet Cake for him. Danica was like GREAT. KIDS. GET OFF MY LAWN. So Kumo was off the wall excited and Danica was tying to hide between my legs.

I was annoyed before I had even spoken to the receptionist to check them in. I had to wait longer than normal to be taken back, probably a total of 10 minute. In that time the mom had to tell the girl (4 or 5 years old) to share toys with her brother (around 2ish) about 10 times. The little boy took his shoes off at least 7 time which she’d scold. He was throwing the pencils and highlighter caps from the kid’s table which was getting Kumo all hyped up because CHASE ALL THE THINGS. They were both complaining about being hungry and she had nothing left for them to eat. Then at one point the boy went to throw something AT Kumo but I stopped him politely and she looked at me with a little bit of shame and a little bit of horror. As I was pulling my phone out to complain about these GOODDAMN KIDS to Facebook they called me back to the room. It never really dawned on me that they were in the waiting room with no dog.

Our visit with the vet was perfect. Both dogs are doing great and we were done in less than 10 minutes. On the way out the door the vet mentioned to the tech in the room that he needed to get back to the “dog that got into drugs”. I didn’t think much about it till I was at the counter paying a few minutes later and the vet went into the waiting room to talk to the lady with the kids and I could hear their conversation.

Her dog was the one that had gotten into drugs. The charcoal treatment seemed to be working but the dog must have eaten something that was causing a blockage and if it didn’t clear up soon they were going to have to operate to remove the obstruction. Is that what she wanted? It would be expensive. I could her her choke back tears as she told the vet to do whatever he needed to do to save the dog while I could just see her son’s shoe fly through the air over the front counter.

And I felt like a complete asshole.

I try to be good about not assuming why people are acting the way they are. The checker at the grocery store has a life outside of work, the old lady who won’t get out of your way might just be lonely, the waitress might be on her second job of the day with schoolwork still to do when she gets done with her 18 hour work day, and the mom in the waiting room of the vet’s office who can’t seem to control her kids might have a beloved pet dying in the next room.

I don’t know how her dog is. Maybe I’ll ask the next time I go in. As I left I walked out the front instead of the back which is the way you’re supposed to go. I let Kumo distract her son for a few minutes so she could finish talking to the vet then gave her an “I’m so sorry and I’m totally giving you a hug in my mind” smile. I hope she understood. I think she did.

Here you go, feministing wrong.

Cassidy really wanted to be Paulie Bleeker for Halloween this year but we could not find the costume locally and we waited till the last minute so didn’t have time to order anything online. On the way to a costume store I asked her if she couldn’t be Paulie Bleeker, what would she want to be instead.

Cassidy: A sexy nurse.

Don’t worry, she was kidding. My kid actually has a pretty great sense of humor.

Me: No.
Cassidy: Ummmmm.
Me: I will not buy you anything that a person would use “sexy” or “skanky” as a descriptive word.
Cassidy: Seems reasonable.
Me: But good news! In two years you can buy and wear whatever costume you want!
Cassidy: WOOHOO!

And I meant it. When she’s 18 if she wants to be a sexy nurse or a sexy dog poop bag or a sexy WHATEVER then she should be that thing.

In the last few weeks my Facebook feed has been INUNDATED with scathing articles about the trend of “sexy *insert thing here*” Halloween costumes and I don’t get it. Mostly because these pages (I’m looking at you HuffPo Women) spend a lot of time posting articles that empower women. They support the feminist movement with articles like why it’s wrong to catcall women no matter what they are wearing, saying that women should be able to dress however they want and not be judged… till Halloween comes around and suddenly their collective brains explode and they use it to slutty costume shame women for A MONTH STRAIGHT.

Huffington Post posted this article four times that I saw over the course of two days on it’s many different Facebook pages. At first I didn’t read the entire thing, just skimmed the first few paragraphs then looked at the costumes and shrugged because I really don’t see anything wrong with GROWN women wearing sexy costumes. Then, after seeing it in my feed for the fourth time, I actually read what the author had written and I was pretty appalled.

Because here’s the thing…

Women can wear whatever the fuck they want for Halloween and nobody should say anything about it other than, “Hey, cool costume!”

And the thing that bothers me the most is that women have a CHOICE. They can CHOOSE to wear these sexy costumes or they can CHOOSE to wear something more modest. Every single costume that she posted has a more modest alternative. I really hate the implication that women are being practically forced to either be sexy or nothing for Halloween.

WE HAVE BRAINS! We can think for ourselves! And guess what?! Sometimes we WANT and CHOOSE to be sexy! And for pretty much every single costume she posted, there is a non-sexy alternative out there. Here let me show you! Here are the costumes she posted (a lot of which were taken from yandy.com which is a lingerie site NOT a costume store) with some costumes I found easily with google that were all on actual costume store’s sites.

crayola 01 crayola 02

santa 01 santa 02

Leprachaun 01 leprechaun 02

sesamestreet 01 sesamestreet 02

The descriptions on these last two are what really got to me. On the hamburger costume she said:

I mean I love a good hamburger, but come on… do you really want some jerk following you around all night saying, “Nice buns!” No, you don’t. Or maybe you do. I don’t know, this is just a bad costume.

Because yeah, wearing a dress that looks like a hamburger totally means that men are allowed to make inappropriate sexual advances at you all night. OF COURSE IT DOES. And also, a guy would NEVER think to say that same thing (which yes, is wrong in BOTH CASES NO MATTER WHAT COSTUME YOU ARE WEARING) if you were wearing the second costume!

hamburger 01 hamburger 02

On the grease costume she said this:

The costume is actually called “Grease Good Sandy.” Now…if she’s good, then why is she slutty? And what have they done with “Grease Bad Sandy?” Jeez, she must be really bad.

Yes, she actually just said that you can not be “slutty” AND good a the same time. Thank you, author, for single-handedly setting the feminist movement back 100 years. And thank you HuffPo for undoing all that good you do by posting strong feminist pieces throughout the year. Here you go, feministing wrong.

grease 01 grease 02

I completely get not wanting your tweens or teens to wear the more sexy costumes. As a parent, that is your decision, much like it was mine for my 16 year old daughter. But when an adult woman wants to be sexy, nobody should be shaming her no matter what time of year it is. If a woman wants to be a crayon AND sexy THAT IS OKAY. That is not a reason to shame her.

And in the interest of being fair, there are actually quite a lot sexy costumes for men too. Take the banana costume that this author posted:

banana 01

Here is a more modest version for you:

banana 02

And here is a costume that I didn’t see a single person posting about on Facebook:

banana 03

Because who cares if a MAN is wearing a sexy costume. AMIRIGHT?

Five on Wednesday. Because.

1. What’s something you have an unreasonable fear of?
Death. Very, very unreasonable. I don’t like the finality of it. And also, what if I’m in the middle of a TV series? I have this irrational need to know how things end.

2. What’s something you have an unreasonable fondness for?
Chocolate. It’s criminal.

3. What’s something you have an unreasonable disliking for?
People touching me. DO. NOT. WANT. When people talk to you and, like, grab your arm or brush against you in a crowd, it makes me almost physically ill. Like, vomity.

4. Who’s most likely to bring out the unreasonable in you?
Bad drivers. How hard is it to use a damn turn signal, people!?

5. Who’s the least unreasonable person you know?
Ben. Hands down. That man is easily the most level headed, reasonable person I know which is great because it balances out my extreme unreasonable-ality-ness.

I just made that word up. #WINNING

Also, go visit website.

Reasons to have offspring. #2

Today as we were leaving Target Cassidy asked me, “What are you going to do in two years when I graduate and move away and you have to return your own cart at the store?” It reminded me that I started this list of Reasons to Have Offspring but never followed up on it so now it’s time to pick it back up again.

  1. Halloween Candy!
  2. To return your shopping carts

Because lets be honest, that shit is tedious and time consuming and why hasn’t somebody automated this yet? Self driving carts. GET ON THAT, STARTUP PEOPLE! It also reminds me that I started a Worst Kind of Human List and this is relevant to that too.

  1. Crack addicts
  2. Carpool Lane Abusers
  3. People that don’t pick up their dog’s poop at the dog park.
  4. People that touch me for any reason unless you are somebody I don’t hate (and even then don’t touch me).
  5. People who don’t return their carts at the grocery store because I’m too lazy to get out of my car and move it so that I can park there.

This is why I hardly every post blogs.

I’m trying. I WANT to write more. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I think to myself, “I would love to blog that!” But the one thing I need to do it is TIME. When do you people have the TIME to blog several times a week?!

This was my day yesterday:

4:20AM – Wake up, somehow manage to dress myself in matching clothes, pack some food for the day.
5:05AM – Leave for work.
5:55AM – Start working.
2:30PM – Leave work.
3:24PM – Pick Cassidy up from school, head home, change into workout clothes, feed the dogs, leave the house.
3:45PM – Get to automotive place to pick up estimate for Prius shock replacement.
4:15PM – Get to Barnes and Noble to pick up gift exchange item for Cassidy’s colorguard team.
4:45PM – Drop Cassidy back off at school for colorguard practice.
5:00PM – Grocery store.
5:30PM – Leave grocery store and realize that I didn’t buy the one thing I actually went to the grocery store for.
5:45PM – Walk out of the grocery store across the street from the first grocery store with laundry detergent. (Made more sense to turn into that store then flip a U to go back into the other one).
6:00PM – Put groceries away, eat a Gu, start laundry for Ben, gear up for run and start rice in rice cooker.
6:15PM – Start running.
6:50PM – Get back home, stretch, drink recovery drink + Nuun.
7:05PM – Start dinner. Cut up all the fruit for my morning green smoothies. Clean up the dinner making mess a bit.
7:55PM – Head back to school to pick up Cassidy. Her practice runs a bit overtime. Ben gets home while I’m gone.
8:25PM – Arrive home, eat dinner, visit with Cassidy and Ben a bit.
9:30PM – Give up trying to stay awake. Head upstairs, shower, lotion all the things, brush all the teeth, pet all the cats.
10:05PM – SOUND ASLEEP!

Within all that I thought of about 635,314 awesome blog ideas and had time to post 0 of them. I started this one at lunch, worked on it a bit during my afternoon break and am finishing it up only because I skipped the band Booster Meeting tonight to spend time having a girl’s dinner with Cassidy. Ben will be home in about 15 minutes so I better finish up so I have time to make him some food and spend some time with him.

In other words, I need about 8 more hours in my day,

Things I couldn’t live without in August.

I’ve have to admit that I love when vloggers and bloggers put up a list of monthly favorites. At first I found the entire thing a bit silly but then I found myself watching them and then clicking to watch/read the previous months favorites and then fell down a virtual wormhole of favorites dating back three years and decided that I probably didn’t need that really popular nail polish from September 2011.

ANYWAY, I love reading them and it suddenly dawned on me that perhaps somebody would like to read mine! I’ve kept the list short and sweet. If you post your favorites on a monthly basis (YOU TOTALLY SHOULD SO I CAN READ IT!), leave a comment in case I don’t have your blog in my feed reader so that I can see what your favorite things are too!

august favorites

1. Coconut Body Scrub by 100% Pure $28.00 – I wandered into this store when shopping with Cassidy and my little brother because the smell when I walked by was DIVINE. We spent time smelling pretty much every item in the store but trying to be good I made myself choose ONLY ONE to buy. I love all things coconut so I brought this home then it sat on the bathtub for almost a month before I finally used it. OMG this stuff is AMAZEBALLS! The list of ingredients speaks for itself. It’s all organic, vegan and full of amazing oils. My legs and arms get VERY VERY dry from shaving and being out in the sun. So much so that I often apply lotion at LEAST twice a day. After using this I can go two full days without ever having to apply lotion. I can not recommend it highly enough!

2. Runkeeper Website and Mobile App FREE! – I’ve actually been using this application since September 2009 and after trying several different run apps, I keep coming back. So far it’s GPS has been incredibly accurate, I like that I can set reminders to motivate myself and set specific goals (right now my goal is to run 100 miles before the end of the year!). I also love that I can look back on runs, walks and bike rides to see how far I’ve grown in my fitness goals. And plays really well with Facebook.

3. Vitamix 5200 Blender $479.95 on Amazon but I got it for FREE! – My mom didn’t like that it didn’t fit under her counter with the lid on (it doesn’t fit under ours either but I’ll DEAL) so she gave it to us and ordered herself a smaller version. This thing is amazing so far. I’ve wanted one for YEARS but our Kenmore blender, that Ben has had for over 12 years now, worked and we don’t generally replace appliances unless they die or it’s a gift. There were many days I stared at that damn Kenmore blender and willed it to DIE ALREADY but it just kept on going. Ben has been using the Vitamix it for his shakes every day and I’ve been trying lots of different green smoothie recipes and all it’s worked perfectly. LOVE IT. It will straight up liquefy some spinach in less than 20 seconds.

4. GU Energy Gel $31.50 for a box of 24 – For several of my afternoon runs I was just EXHAUSTED before I started (getting up at 4:00AM every day will do that) and it was really showing in my endurance. Ben suggested eating one of these gels about 15 minutes before the run and the difference is VERY CLEAR. I have more than enough endurance and energy to make it through the run feeling strong. I bought a bunch of different flavors and so far my two favorites are Salted Caramel and Espresso Love. As my runs get longer I can see keeping one in my pocket to re-energize during the run but I’m not there… YET.

4. Island Coconut Soy Scented Candle from Target $5.00 for a small or $10.00 for a large – Again with the coconut love. It’s been one of my favorite scents FOREVER. I bought several of these soy scented candles in the small jars from Target to try the different scents and the coconut is the one I keep lighting. It’s currently sitting on the ledge in front of me at my computer and I light it whenever I sit down in the loft. Even Ben has commented that he likes the smell and he’s generally not a coconut fan. I’d say it’s had about 8 hours of burn time now and it’s about half gone which isn’t bad. I also keep the lid off if it when not in use and it continues to release the scent.

DISCLOSURE: I have no material relationship to any brand mentioned in this post. All items listed were purchased with my own money or given to me by my crazy mother who gets nothing in return from this review other than a really happy daughter and some brownie points.

My daughter is a stoner.

Sunday: Cassidy has odd abdominal pain. It’s on the left so I’m not too worried. Give her medicine, assume it’s period pain, continue on with day. Then she pees blood and I’m like yeah, to Urgent Care we go! The doctor we get is kind of a tool and doesn’t really listen to anything I say and blows it off as dehydration even though I told her SEVERAL TIMES that I’ve been hospitalized for dehydration more than once and this was NOT dehydration pee, it was BLOODY urine. They take urine… and don’t test for blood. Tells us that since her pain is only a 2/10 to go home, take some over the counter pain pain meds and see how it goes.

Monday: Cassidy is fine, I am fine, Ben is fine. EVERYBODY IS FINE. Well, not totally true. Cassidy is sunburned because she went to band camp and was in the sun for 10 hours straight. I spread an entire branch of aloe on her over the course of the evening.

Tuesday: I’d been at work for three hours when Cassidy calls me frantic and in tears and YOU NEED TO COME GET ME RIGHT NOW I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN IT’S A NINE OUT OF TEN, MOM! COME NOW!. I get to the school. She’s down to a 6/10 but she’d thrown up right before I got there.

We go to back to Urgent Care but Cassidy’s pain is only about a 2/10 at this point. We get a doctor that KICKS ASS. She’s not going to let us leave without some kind of diagnosis. She gets a urine sample right away and collects some blood then has us sit in the waiting room to wait for results. 10 minutes later Cassidy is hunched over in pain and throwing up with 7/10 pain.

Untitled

Doctor calls us back into an exam room and tells us that since Cassidy is having this random pain and nausea she just wants us to go upstairs for a CT scan and an ultrasound while we wait for blood and urine results. Cassidy has the CT scan, we go right next door and they prep her for the ultrasound but just as the tech starts to check her kidney we get a knock on the door and the nurse says don’t bother ultrasounding the kidneys, just check for ovarian cysts. I’m not sure if this means they already found NOTHING in the kidney or SOMETHING in the kidney.

Head back to Urgent Care and the doctor says, “SURPRISE! You still have blood in your urine and the CT scan shows that you have two kidney stones! One is traveling (all the pain) and one is still in the kidney.” She made us an immediate appointment to see the Urologist so back upstairs we went for that appointment. Of course, by that time Cassidy had NO pain so he made her do an X-Ray to make sure that the stone didn’t pass after all the ultrasound prep water was evacuated. Nope, it was still there!

The doctor explains that the stone is large enough that it qualifies for laser lithotripsy OR we can wait for it to pass on it’s own. When he told Cassidy that could take 2 days to 2 weeks, she immediately said THAT LASER THING PLEASE! So he sent her home with a funnel she had to use every time she peed just in case it came out before her surgery on Thursday.

Six hours after we originally got to Urgent Care, we were on our way home. FINALLY.

Then the pain came back. So did the vomiting. I tried to give her the Vicodin and anti-nausea meds but she’d just throw them back up as soon as she took them. EVERYTHING came back up. The pain got to a 9/10 so I loaded her back up and we headed to the ER. We got there at midnight.

Untitled

Wednesday: At the ER at Camino Hospital we got another KICK ASS doctor after no wait at all. She threw up on the way there in my car (I had taken a barf bag with me when we left Urgent Care, thank goodness). Then again in the waiting room. Then again when trying to change into her gown. They got her hooked up to an IV quickly and pushed an entire bag of fluids, some better anti-nausea medication and morphine into her in record time. They also gave her another drug that is supposed to help keep the ureters open so that things can flow more easily. I’m thinking this is what got us through the next two days.

We got home at 3:30AM and she slept for most of the rest of the day. At 11:00PM she ate dinner. Than at 11:30PM she ate again. Then at midnight she ate again. She and Ben stayed up pretty late watching movies and talking. I was exhausted so I went to bed.

Thursday: She slept till 11:59AM when I woke her up to take her last drink of water before surgery. She went right back to sleep till 2:15PM when we left for her surgery check in.

Untitled

Her surgery was supposed to start at 4:15PM but they were running behind so it didn’t start till well after 5:00PM. The surgery went REALLY well. They were able to laser both the moving stone as well as the one that was in her kidney. She now has a stint that runs from her kidney all the way down her ureter to her bladder than has a string attached that come out her urethera. She has to pull that out on Tuesday morning which is also her first day of school! We tried to get video of her when she was still on the happy drugs from surgery but she just kept saying she had to pee and PLEASE FEED ME I AM SO HUNGRY OMG.

Untitled

Friday: She slept a lot of the day but still had some pain and a lot of burning during urination. Because she’s on Norco now which is a REALLY strong drug, Ben and I have been in charge of giving her all her medicine so one of us has been with her pretty much non-stop since Tuesday. I even have a shared a google doc with him that I update whenever she gets any medication because TECHNOLOGY IS AWESOME. She slept most of the day with the adorable stuffed bear that was waiting for her at the house from Nana and Papa when she got home from surgery. She names him

Untitled

Saturday (TODAY): She woke up with a 4 or 5/10 paid so I gave her some pain meds then went right back to sleep. She spent most of the day that way but is up and moving around now. Still lots of burning when she pees but I think it’s a downhill road from here.

FUTURE: LOTS of water! Less salt in her diet! NO MORE KIDNEY STONES.

PS – Post surgery poop talk blog: COMING SOON!

Rio Del Mar Beach

We took the dogs to the beach last Saturday. I’ve been wanting to do this for over a month but we had something EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND. so we were just never able to make it work out. Finally last weekend we got up early and got it done. It’s silly that we don’t go to the beach more since we have an entire coast line 40 minutes away from home but 1) I really fucking hate sand between my toes and 2) Once your kids are old enough to have a social life that doesn’t concern you it just seems to happen less. But we have DOGS! And dogs love the beach so I want to start going at least once a month till it gets too cold to throw a ball into the water for Kumo over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Untitled

I was thinking on a quite stretch on the way home about all the random people you see on the beach at 8:00AM. The beach we take the dogs to, Rio Del Mar, is really popular for dog owners because when you leave the parking lot there is a sign which identifies the official end of the state park thus allowing all the off leash fun to be had for the dogs. So it’s mostly dog owners out there that early. A few joggers and then a few random old people. But mostly dog owners. Oh, and also a yoga class.

So in my head I categorized all the people and I thought, you know, this is something I should put on my blog as an excuse to show you how cute my dogs are while playing on the beach.

1) Dog owners who want their dogs to play. These are my favorites and as annoying as they are, I think that Ben and I fall into this category. We give Kumo and Danica the opportunity to meet all the dogs along the way. Sometimes they just sniff butts and move on (ASIDE: I found a really interesting YouTube video about why dogs sniff butts that you should totally watch because SCIENCE) but if your dogs are like ours, they instantly try to get your dogs to play with them. Especially Danica who thinks other dogs should just exist to chase her down the beach.

Untitled

2) Dog owners who are all uptight and suck at life. My least favorite kind of dog owner. They think that all dogs except their dogs are stupid and when your dog tries to sniff their dogs butt they look at you as if you have personally violated their butthole with a hot poker and how dare your dog BE A DOG.

3) Old people with no dog that are mean and bitter and how the fuck can you be in a bad mood at the beach. There were two of these. One glared at Kumo even though Kumo never even looked in his general direction. I blame this on stupid pitbull stereotyping even though all Kumo was doing was chasing a ball through the waves looking ADORABLE. The second guy happened to walk by just as Danica crapped out all the ocean water we’d been trying to get her to stop drinking. We’ve REALLY been working on this with her but chick is seriously hooked on the stupid salty water and inevitably ends up crapping it all out in glorious fashion. Unfortunately we had no more poop bags because both dogs had already done the deed and it’s literally just clear ASS WATER that passed through her. So Ben and I shared nervous glaces like, “Are we supposed to just pick up this wet sand that’s two feet from the tide?” Then Mr. Crabby Pants walked by and shoved a poop bag into Ben’s hand because of course this guy with no dog carries poop bags on the beach. So Ben picked up sand and carried it around in a poop bag.

Happy dogs!

4) Adorable old people with no dogs who get the pure awesomeness of enjoying a beach walk. We came across two adorable old ladies laughing and carrying on as old adorable ladies do. Kumo went over to meet them and licked one of their hands then went off to chase a ball. The old lady that Kumo liked looked at me and said “Well, they’ll NEVER lose you in the dark!” Ben and I both cracked up and agreed because at the time I had on a hot pink tank top, neon orange shorts with neon purple piping and a bright peach hoodie. Like I do. Ben enjoyed relaying this story to Mel and Kim later at breakfast and there was more laughing. I’ve joked about this before because I LIKE COLOR OKAY STOP JUDGING ME but was so funny to hear it so bluntly from a random adorable stranger. That’s all she said. That one sentence. So much truth.

And just because it’s a Friday and I’ve had way too much coffee here is a throwback picture of our first trip to the beach with the dogs in 2010.

My Family. <3