I can remember when I used to blog at the end of every weekend to recap whatever it was we had done and somehow it was funny and silly and made people laugh. I know because they told me that I was funny and made them laugh. I haven’t done that in a long long time. Maybe just because I’m lazy, realistically it’s probably because I’m lazy, but also: OLD.
Weekends used to be parties and trips and race cars. Now weekends are naps and laundry and then more naps possibly followed by an exciting trip to the grocery store. Really, you don’t understand just how amazing a good nap is when you’re in your early 20s. I mean, you don’t if you’re doing your early 20s properly.
One funny thing did happen though. Well, funny in retrospect.
Saturday night Ben went to bed early because he had to be up early to run a 5K and I stayed up to “knit a few more rows”. I had started to finish watching Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (which, TANGENT, is my second most favorite movie in the world which makes me seem like a HORRIBLE judge of movies but it has a great deal to do with the fact that I’m a huge sentimentalist and it I can’t see it without thinking of my high school years fondly so stop judging me, asshole. /TANGENT)
Cassidy suddenly came bounding down the stairs and yelling something at me in a horribly high pitched squeal that resembled something like what I’d assume a tortured hyena sounds like about her friend Joel wanting to say hi. I mean, I assuming it was “bounding” because I don’t know what else it is you call it when a teenage girl manages to clear an entire set of stairs in three steps and 1.89 seconds.
I think I said okay. I don’t actually remember because before I knew what was happening the dogs were trying to eat Joel’s face and Cassidy was still using hyena voice and EVERYBODY SHUT UP, I’M MISSING KEVIN COSTNER’S ASS ON THE TV.
She asked if they could “hang out” and I didn’t want them in the house because Ben was trying to sleep but I didn’t want to be That Mom I Swore I’d Never Be and chase this poor kid out of my house with a butcher knife so I told her she could go somewhere with him and to be home by 10:30PM. TEN THIRTY. If my mom had given me a TEN THIRTY curfue at 15 I’d have spit battery acid in her face before slamming ALL THE DOORS and leaving anyway because YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME (PS CAN I HAVE SOME MONEY!? THANKS!).
So off they went.
And I spent the next 1 hour and 15 minutes rotating between:
1) FREAKING THE FUCK OUT SHE JUST LEFT WITH A BOY
2) Check clock on phone
3) WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING SHE’S WITH A BOY
4) Check the clock on the TV
5) WHY IS SHE FIFTEEN!? SHE WAS JUST FIVE, LIKE, LAST WEEK
6) Check the clock on iPad
7) MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH THEM THAT WOULDN’T SEEM ODD AT ALL I’M, LIKE, TOTALLY COOL MAN
8) Check clock on microwave
9) Drink glass of wine to stop hyperventilating
10) Check clock on oven
This entire process took about 60 seconds so I repeated it 75 times till they got home at which point I made sure to act like I was totally cool, man.
They went to Starbucks. I LOVE STARBUCKS! I COULD HAVE GONE TO STARBUCKS TO HANG OUT! I’M FUCKING COOL! MAN!
He’s a really nice kid. I mean, he’s a really nice kid around me. Which means he’s at least smart enough to be polite in the presence of a crazy woman and that can say a lot about a kid. He even thanked me for letting Cassidy hang out since they hadn’t seen each other in awhile and even though they are just friends I decided that I like him and they are allowed to hang out again.
In another 15 year.
