Month: September 2010

I really REALLY wanted to write out a nice post about all the fun we had this weekend. The funny conversations, the great food, spending time with Amber who I just love so fucking much I can’t even… there are just no words. I haven’t ever really written a lot about her here and that’s a shame because for a lot of years she’s been such a constant beam of positive light in my life. She isn’t just my ex-mother-in-law, she really is one of my best friends. One of those friendships that time or distance couldn’t ever ruin.

She’s the kind of friend you stand next to for 15 hours straight when she’s giving birth. Because I TOTALLY DID THAT. I was 18 at the time and she was giving birth to Carrielee. I didn’t eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, or TAKE A STEP AWAY FROM THE BED. For 15 hours. Because she was extremely sick, she needed me, and I was there. That kind of friendship.

She’s the kind of friend you call when you have what you think might be a hair-brained idea just to see what a normal person might think and when she tells you that you are out of your fucking mind and maybe come back to reality and pick up a loaf of bread on the way over, you know that it’s being said with love in her heart.

On top of all that she’s just generally a badass. True story.

ANYWAY! Like, I said I REALLY wanted to write out a long post about this weekend but I’m tired, work has been busy and evenings filled with cross country practice and meets and eye appointments and homework and dinner and… I’m TIRED! So look at pictures instead!

We took ALL the kids because we are “those” people that feel guilty for leaving the dogs behind. Dogs should get to vacation too! Cassidy made good use of the drive and watched three Vampire Diaries on her iPod then my laptop. She’s almost caught up!

Danica would like to know ARE WE THERE YET!? And also, could she possibly wipe her nose on the window more? I think she might have missed a spot.

We stopped for gas and to let the dogs play in the grass a bit at the half way point and there was a perfect Harvest Moon in the sky. I shot it then took a moment to just clear my mind and enjoy the moon, the dark, the sound of Cassidy giggle as she chased the dogs around. It was nice. Unfortunately, it was at Harris Ranch and smelled a lot like having your head shoved up a cow’s butthole.

Kumo was like, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?! And also, I’m totally cute, you should take my picture.

And Danica was like, I’m going to lay on this wet grass so I can make the carpet in the car match the window. DIRT IS GOOD. And also, I’m cute so take my picture.

Here are some pregnant cows at the fair. I mentioned on flickr that I am kind of in love with the pregnant cows. When I was younger I’d go to the fair alone and sit on the bleachers in the blazing sun for HOURS to watch baby cows be born. I’d have done it this time too but Ben and Amber were all STOP BEING WEIRD!

Don’t they look happy?! I imagine having a COW baby in you is not fun. They have FOUR LEGS!

These pigs were totally cute. I always forget how BIG pigs actually are. And okay, I’m just going to admit it, when I sat there and watched the pigs I was actually trying to calculate how much bacon you could get out of one pig. My final conclusion: A LOT.

When we were in the collection exhibit hall somehow my camera had magically set itself to monochrome and I didn’t realize right away but I loved this picture of Ben and Carrielee. The same Carrilee I watched be born because I stood next to her mom’s bed for 15 hours. WHERE DID THAT BABY GO!?

Ben and I totally made out on this Ferris Wheel. It was kind of funny because Cassidy and Carrielee were in the car behind us so we had to strategically time it so that we weren’t caught by little tween eyes. I felt like I was in high school again and might have swooned a little.

Between kissing we enjoyed the view.

I made them go back and look at the pregnant cows again. Stop judging me.

Sunday right before we pulled out of town we let all dogs play in the lakes at Riverwalk Park.

In her previous life Danica was a fish.

And now I’m actually going to wrap this up and enjoy my Starbucks. We are living pretty tight till Ben can get a job (and not to jinx it but he has a pretty good prospect on the horizon so please cross your fingers for him!) so we’ve gone quite awhile without a Starbucks fix but for my birthday my mom got me a few gift cards and one of them was Starbucks! We had just enough to do a family Starbucks run twice this week and it’s been a nice treat! It’s kind of awesome how much more you appreciate something when it’s a TREAT instead of a nightly habit.

TANGENT OVER!

Goodnight, friends!

Ben, Cassidy and I spent a fabulous weekend with my ex-mother-in-law, her boyfriend and my little-adorable-tween-sister-in-law. I plan on writing a little “weekend recap” blog but I just had to tell this story first that both swelled my heart with pride and equally horrified me.

After a long day of gorging on fair food, swooning over pregnant cows, and browsing exhibit halls, we sat down with Amber and Lupe to chat and catch up. The girls were in Carrielee’s bedroom and we could hear them occasionally break out in laughter and I just assumed they were watching TV or something funny on YouTube.

No.

Do you want to know what they were doing?

THEY. WERE. READING. MY. BLOG.

At one point they came out and Cassidy was cracking up and somebody asked, “What are you two clowns up to!?” And between giggles she squealed out, “READING MY MOM’S BLOG!”

And it felt like instead of saying those words, she had walked directly up to me and punched me in the gut. After a day of fried fair food. And Ben SMILED. SMILED! Then he asked her why it was so funny and Cassidy said, “My mom is a good writer! She’s totally funny.”

And then the gut punch felt more like a heart punch. Because my daughter likes my writing. It really doesn’t matter what anybody else in the world ever says about anything I write here. My daughter likes it.

A few blog posts ago I mentioned that people have been asking me why I don’t write about her here and… THIS. I really hope there are parents out there that read this and realize those four or five year olds aren’t going to be that size forever. For the next 10 minutes I sat there on the couch half paying attention to what was going on around me racking my brain trying to think if there was anything that I should not have written, something I didn’t want her to read, all the times I’ve typed out the work “fuck” on this site.

I’m pretty open with Cassidy but as I sat there I realized that probably 95% of my blog posts are not a problem for her to read. It is what it is. This blog is pretty much who I am. I’ve seen more and more women and mothers turning blogs into jobs and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! However, this sudden growing trend of parents getting free sex toys in exchange for reviews bothers me.

Parents, PLEASE! When you go to write that paid review about your personal pleasure toy and how fast they, you know, “WORK”, please go walk up to your four year old, look them in the face and imagine yourself reading that blog post out loud as you tuck them into bed at night. Pictures included. Because eventually they won’t be four anymore and trust me when I say that your sex life will be the LAST thing they want to read about and HEAVEN FORBID their friends find it.

Just… think. Imagine you suddenly stumbled across your mother’s site and think about what you’d want to know about her. I always said that this was my blog and I’d be damned if I was going to let ANYBODY censor me.

I was wrong.

I. AM. EXHAUSTED.

I went back to work today and looking back that might not have been the best idea I’ve ever had. By noon I was just… done. My boss came over and asked me three times in a row if I was SURE I was ready to be back. In my mind I am, my body doesn’t seem to agree though. But man, three days of paperwork sitting on my desk this morning and OMG URGENT EMAILS THAT NEED TO BE ANSWERED LAST WEEK and voicemails and when I think about taking ANOTHER day off it makes my left eye twitch.

Also, there’s The Taste. One of the antibiotics (Metronidazole) is leaving a CONSTANT (as in NOT EVER STOPPING) metallic/acid taste in my mouth. It will not go away. I thought at first that all the Propel Ben was pouring down my throat was leaving a funny taste. Then I thought that breakfast tasted a little weird on Sunday. Then the peanut butter this morning tasted really off. THEN! It suddenly dawned on me something the doctor said about one of the medications leaving a bad “metallic taste in the mouth” and that’s exactly what I’m tasting.

I’ve tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it. Bread, citrus, mint, EVERYTHING. If I’m not eating or drinking something, it’s there. And it sucks. And I have 5 more days of antibiotics to take. So I literally sipped water all day long. Which meant that I was up and down to go to the bathroom all day long. Which means my side is a bit more sore than I’d like today.

Really, CAN I JUST BE BETTER NOW!?

That was my Monday. Stupid colon.

And here’s a meme so this isn’t all a pitiful pile of shit.

Manic Monday Meme:

Imagine you can only keep 5 things that you have (people not included). What 5 things would you keep?
-Laptop (pictures, important documents, social networks, Freecell)
-Camera (To document whatever major catastrophe only left me five things.)
-The sunflower afghan my step-mom crocheted for me. (It’s cold outside.)
-My toothbrush (You shouldn’t neglect your gums.)
-My genie lamp (For three more wishes.)

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to learn?
That words are, in fact, stronger than sticks or stones. Or hand grenades.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life and I’m going to…
Take a nap.

I’m going to try and break this post up into days because it’s easier to remember things that went on in that order for me. But here’s the short version: I was very, very, very, very sick.

Tuesday:

I woke up at the normal time of 4:30AM and hopped in the shower. I usually stretch really good after I get out of the shower and my muscles are all warm and toasty and I felt a slight twinge in my left lower abdomen like I had a slightly pulled muscle there. I kind of blow it off because it’s not that bad and head to work.

Around noon I mentioned to Ben via Gmail Chat that my side is hurting and I can’t tell if its gas or a muscle pull but it’s getting a bit worse. I get REALLY distraced with WORK at work so I tend to not even pay attention to what’s going on with me but as I’m turning in all my paperwork for the day one of my co-workers asks me “Did you hurt yourself? You’re limping!” I totally did not realize till that point that I was limping because of the pain in my side.

Got home from work and took Cassidy to cross country, ran to the post office, then came home and took some Gas X and ate some Tums thinking it was just bad gas since that’s what google told me. I rode with Ben to pick up Cassidy and on the drive, I could feel all the bumps on the road in my side. We got home and I said I was going to lay down to let the gas work itself out and PASSED OUT. Ben woke me up at 11:00PM to move from the couch to the bed.

Then I didn’t sleep all night. The pain was pretty bad but I really just though if I could move things around in there enough, the gas would eventually… you know… work itself out.

Wednesday:

At 3:00AM I feel like I have to go to the bathroom so I get up and immediately the pain is BAD. Like a 8.5 or 9 on the 1-10 scale. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and it hurts so bad that I have to hold myself up on the bed and dresser to keep from falling down. I get to the bathroom and then as I’m walking out I get dizzy, the room starts to go black, and I sit down on the floor with my head between my legs, in intense pain, and will myself not to pass out.

I woke Ben up and told him I think I need to go to the ER like NOW and start to get dressed. In the process of getting dressed, I get the dizzy, pass out-y feeling again and have to lay down.

Luckily, we have a hospital about 5 minutes from the house and since we are in a really small town, they are not busy at all. I get in and triaged right away and they get me in a bed. The doctor comes in and feels my stomach, listens to my problems and has the nurse get an IV, some anti-nausea medicine and some pain killers in me right away. I only let the nurse give me half a dose of pain medicine because I do NOT like the feeling when they push it in via IV. You get hot all over and your head swims and it’s not not a pleasant feeling to me not to be in control of my body AT ALL. Apparently, I am alone on this.

The doctor orders a CAT scan, and a pelvic exam. Before the CAT scan, I told the doctor the pain medicine is NOT working so they give me another half dose. It doesn’t help either. Get the CAT scan and the pelvic exam and am still in intense pain. The doctor comes in and tells me that I my colon/large intestine is swollen and the blood shows an infection so she gives me two antibiotics to take and some Vicodin for the pain. I tell her that the pain medicine is STILL not working so she orders more to be put in via my IV before I leave so I am at least comfortable for awhile. They give me a full dose of something STRONG. Within a minute of taking it I am LOOPY. Like, pink elephants and rainbow unicorns loopy and I think this pain killer stuff is OKAY AFTER ALL!

Then I go to leave and sit up and immediately I am hit by a wave of nausea. It’s STRONG. I had to lay down and get dressed. The nearest bathroom was right outside my room and I make it out the door, immediately walk into the bathroom and lose it. When I walked out the nurse was there, handed me a pill to chew to help the nausea and we went home 5 minutes away. I had to run in the house to throw up again. And now I’m starting to realize that the pain medicine doesn’t really kill the pain, it just makes you not CARE that you are in pain. Which I am.

Go upstairs, sleep off the pain medicine. I don’t know what time it was but Ben brought me some chicken broth to drink and I was able to to get about 4 spoonfuls down before I am feeling like it’s going to come up. Go back to sleep. I’m able to drink a bit of water here and there but I realize pretty fast that the best way to NOT be in pain is to be asleep so that’s what I do. I was able to get about three bites of rice down in the evening so that I could take my antibiotics.

Thursday:

I am able to keep a few bites of rice down in the morning to take my pills again and then sleep. Later in the day I say that I am just SO DRAINED and NEED MORE SUSTENANCE so I convince Ben to let me have some leftovers from Tuesday night. I eat exactly three bites of ground turkey and it stays down for exactly 10 minutes and I am throwing up more violently then I ever have IN MY LIFE.

Not too long later, Ben comes up with some Pedialyte and insists that I drink it and heads off to drop Cassidy off at her first Cross Country Fun Run (which I missed 🙁 ) and heads to the gym. The stuff tastes HORRIBLE so I take a good 5 chugs of it just to get it down. It stays down for exactly 10 minutes then rinse/repeat from earlier.

Then… then I realize that I haven’t “gone to the bathroom” in two days. Great. I’ll skip most of this part of the story except to say that it takes a suppository and the worst 30 minutes of my life to clear out that problem… 🙁

Friday:

Get up and head to the doctor. Again as Ben drives I am able to feel every single bump in the road. My side still hurts as bad as it did the first day. I’ve stopped taking the Vicodin though because it doesn’t get rid of the pain, just makes me sleep and not care about it as much.

The doctor takes a urine sample and I am REALLY dehydrated. A normal ketone level is a negative number. My was positive 40 which is at the borderline of “dangerous” levels. My body was in starvation mode. The doctor insists that I have a bag of saline before I go home as a “boost” to get my ketone level to drop.

I am poked FOUR TIMES by two nurses to get a vein. I was so dehydrated (and the room was cold) that apparently my veins had “clamped up”. They didn’t have a warmer for the saline so within two minutes I am shivering uncontrollably and they have to slow the drip down. It ended up taking almost an hour to get the full bag in me. The last 10 minutes I told them to just crank it up because I don’t care if I’m cold, I just want to go home. It was crazy too because I could feel the cold UNDER MY SKIN. I could literally trace the route the saline was taking into my hand, up my arm and into my chest by feeling the coldness in my skin. I was so exhausted when we left there that I was asleep in the car before we hit the freeway.

The GOOD thing is that I also got a shot of anti-nausea medicine and for the first time in three days, when I woke up that evening I didn’t feel sick just from rolling over. I convinced Ben to let me eat some mashed potatoes AND THEY STAYED DOWN.

Also, he forced me to drink about 80 gallons of water.

Saturday:

Today! I am still in some pain. Enough that if I move in the wrong way, the stabbing pain is still pretty strong. I’d say it’s about a 5 now though. I’ve been able to keep down solid food and only get that nauseated feeling when I take the antibiotics so I’ve been taking an anti-nausea pill at the same time. I’ve also been drinking more than the recommended amount of water.

The big problem now is that I am SO DRAINED which makes sense since over a three day span I ate around a cup of rice TOTAL. It’s just hard to be so low on energy. I can come downstairs and sit up for about two hours before I feel like I just have nothing left and have to head back upstairs to take a nap.

They don’t know what caused the problem which concerns me because I do NOT want to have to go through this again. Also, you can not imaging how sore you get from laying in bed! My hips feel like they are bruised and ache really bad when I walk.

I am just happy that I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I need another 3-4 days but I plan on being back to work on Monday.

Thank you all so much for all the well wished via twitter and facebook, they really meant a lot to me! <3