*deep cleansing breath*

The following is a transcript of a google chat Ben and I had this morning. Bimmerforums is a HUGE BMW community visited by thousands of people day.

9:18 AM Benjamin: there are fucking prop8 ads on bimmerforums!
9:19 AM me: For YES?
Benjamin: They’re flash, so can’t link ‘em, buf if you sign in, you can probably see ‘em
yes
me: Yes on 8?
WTF?!
9:20 AM WOW, I can’t believe that people are not raising hell.
9:23 AM Benjamin: you should logon, and look at the footer graphics
9:24 AM what really gets me going…
is that most of their footer graphics are tiny
like 120×60
and the prop8 images are huge
like 500×100
even taller?
strange
9:27 AM me: I can’t believe there isn’t a thread started abuot that.
9:28 AM Or that a forum would actually support for OR against such a heavily debated topic.
They should stay neutral.
Always.

Having worked for or owned forums in the past I know that as an admin (and this is ESPECIALLY true of you have advertisers, of which Bimmerforums has MANY) that you have to stay neutral in debates as heated as Prop 8. For OR against. Period. And since BF has a pretty ‘healthy’ debate forum I was surprised not to see a thread started about the ad but I was busy and didn’t have a lot of time to research so figured I’d put it off till later. Then as I was browsing my google reader feeds I came across a TechCrunch article talking about the mass spam of Yes on 8 all across the internet.

11:41 AM me: That’s a google adsense ad on Bimmerforums.
11:42 AM They didn’t put it there, Google did, but STILL. They have the ability to remove that BS
12:47 PM Benjamin: on the footer?
these are static ads
12:48 PM me: the bottom ones are. The prop 8 one is a google ad
Generaged by an ad script
Benjamin: it doesn’t change
me: I know that.
Benjamin: does that mean that google supports yes on 8?
me: Because right now, Prop 8 is paying them a butt ton of money to have it there
12:49 PM No, it means that google is giving the ad more play because they gave google more money
12:50 PM Saw this article: link
Then checked bimmerforums code and that ad is being generated by the google javascript ad software.
12:51 PM Look at my site right now!
YES ON 8! from the google ad!
@(#%(@&&(@$&(@#$@
That’s the end of google ads on my site forever.
12:52 PM Benjamin: so,…. is it google?
me: yeah, that’s what I was saying
12:56 PM I thought google ads were supposed to be relevent to what was ON THE SITE.
It was Yes on 8 on sylaa.net too and that has NEVER have a SINGLE political post. eVER
12:57 PM Fuck google.

I immediately pulled google ads off all three of the sites I was currently running them on. And the thing is, I never actually thought I’d make any money off those ads. Who ACTUALLY clicks google ads anymore anyway? I had them as more of a wink and a nod to google. I use a lot of their software. Search, gmail, Google Reader, Goolge chat, Google calendar, Google maps, Google Analytics, Google Docs to share documents with Ben… Holy shit I just realized that I’m Google’s BITCH!

Ummm, where was I?

So as kind of a show of support, I had the google ads there. Like, HEY LOOK! I like Google enough to allow them to SPAM all of you! But not anymore. When I changed my facebook status in protest Kris pointed out:

Prop 8 is about equality. Google accepted the Yes on 8 ads indiscriminately. Sergey Brin & Larry Page have donated $140,000 to the No on 8 campaign.

I kind of glossed over the “Prop 8 is about equality” because; NO! And I do understand that Google will say they were acting without prejudice to EITHER side when they agreed to allow the ad, but the last statement is what got me. My answer was:

And Eric Schmidt publicly stated he’s against prop 8, I get it. But *I*, as a site owner, don’t have to be equal. Also, I’ve never, in all my geekly web scouring, been shown the SAME ad on EVERY SINGLE site I go to with adsense enabled. EVER. It’s great they’ve donated all that money to No on 8… Wonder how much google MADE by spamming the ad all over the internet?

I’d be really interested in knowing just how much Google made off an ad that was on EVERY SINGLE SITE I VISITED WITH ADSENSE ENABLED. I have a feeling it’s somewhere North of $140,000 which I understand is money to the COMPANY, not the PEOPLE, but still! To me, the fact that you allowed yourself to PROFIT from the Yes campaign while being so AGAINST it is weak. WEAK. Stand up and take a stance! MAKE a difference! If you believe something so strongly that you are willing to shell out $140,000 towards the campaign, go the extra mile and actually BE A PART OF THE CHANGE. Don’t PROFIT from the opposing view!

I know it’s very easy for me to sit here on my glass pedestal (and isn’t it pretty?!) but after watching exhausting coverage of this election year, donating my money, sporting the t-shirts, blogging my views, I’d just like to see SOMEBODY stand up and make a REALLY bold move.

In conclusion: VOTE TOMORROW IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY! Vote for whoever you think is the best candidate for YOU and the way YOU believe gay marriage should go (if that applies to your state), JUST MAKE SURE YOU VOTE! PLEASE!

I’ve out a LOT of effort into being as lazy as possible this weekend. It was rainy and overcast and cloudy the couch was REALLY comfy and warm and inviting. Therefore rather than type up that dream I will leave you with pictures of the cat cuteness.

This picture says: “Sleep with one eye open.”

This one says: “Actually, take this, this is my good side.”

We’ve recently had to kick the cats out of the bedroom at night because they (and by they I mean Hans because KC is far to fat and lazy) have been jumping onto Ben’s dresser and scratching it. Hans likes to sit there by the window and lord over the back yard from high on his Perch of Greatness.

They both have ended up sleeping with Cassidy at night which she thinks is great! But about 4:45AM EVERY SINGLE DAY, they start to get a little antsy and pace the floor in front of our door yelling GET UP AND LET ME OUTSIDE, JERKS! By about 5:00AM Hans is doing backflips against the door in protest and when Ben opens it he’s like OMG I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD LET ME OUTSIDE HURRY I HAVE THINGS TO DO AND PLACES TO PEE AND WATER TO DRINK AND WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU DO LONG HURRY HURRY HURRY THIS WAY I’LL SHOW YOU THIS DOOR OPEN IT OPEN IT OPEN IT HURRY HURRY!

And KC is like, thank GOD you got up to let that spaz out. Now, stop what you’re doing this instant and shower me with the love I deserve for being this amazingly cute.

I have to admit that sometimes it’s the part of the morning I look forward to the most and I get a little grin at how cute and different that cats can be. On Saturdays though, on Saturdays I start to wonder what exactly is involved in the making of cat stew…

Today is day 1 of NaBloPoMo and I’m blogging which means I haven’t failed yet! Day 1 has been lovingly sponsored by the bullet list, the Internets way to get away with run on sentences.

• Thank you all so much for the comments and emails after I made the previous post. All the little reminders that I was doing the right thing and to stick to it really meant a lot. You all rock.
• It has been really rainy and crappy all day which means we spent the day napping and playing geeky games and eating chocolate ice cream. Basically, the BEST kind of day!
• I started on this scarf last night using some hand dyed, hand spun yarn I bought off this fabulous Etsy shop. It came from Uruguay which somehow makes it seem cooler to me. This is my first cable knit scarf and so far I’m rockin’ the cables, yo.
• Speaking of, I’ve been thinking more about highlighting some of my knitting aventures on the site. Is that something you would be interested in seeing or would it kind of mar my awesome f-bomb dropping hardass personality? You know, I have a reputation to uphold here.
• I like pie.
• I have some pictures to upload tomorrow. One of them involved the fat cranky cat and a witches hat with orange ringlet hair attached to it. She hasn’t talked to me in two days… which isn’t necessarily something I’m complaining about.
• Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post which is probably going to contain a rather funny dream I had the other night about Ben getting pissed off that I bought him a Ferrari and when I woke up I was like, well yeah! Ben would totally be upset if I bought him a Ferrari, what the hell was I thinking?! Don’t worry, it will make sense to you too once I explain.

Last Thursday we found out that Cassidy and her friend, Laura, had been going to a corner store in the morning and buying candy and other assorted junk food. I’m not sure if you all remember the time almost a year ago where she dissappeared for about 20 minutes and I almost had a nervous breakdown right as the cops found her? Well ever since then I’ve tried to balance her freedom with some simple rules. Mainly, you have to tell me where you’re going BEFORE you go. And here’s the thing, I told her had she ASKED me to go to the store in the morning, I’d have more than likely said to go ahead and go AS LONG AS she wasn’t late to school.

The main problem I had with her little escapade was that she has to walk in the OPPOSITE direction as school to get to the store and if for some reason something had happened, I’d never have even CONSIDERED telling anybody to look down that direction because WHY WOULD SHE BE THERE?!

Here, graphical representation:

I tweeted that she was “seriously grounded” and I meant it. Two weeks in the room and no electronics. Harsh, I know and by Sunday I was missing her like crazy and when Mali DM’d me on twitter and was all PUMPKIN PATCH! I told her WE ARE SO THERE! And I let Cassidy go with me. At the time, I didn’t think it was that big a deal but, believe me, it was discussed at length afterward and I know that I shouldn’t have done that. I’m the softy. I’m always the one that caves and lets her do stuff like go have fun while she’s supposed to be grounded. This is really one of the few things that Ben and I argue about. My being a push over which results in him having to stand up and be “the bad guy”. It’s not fair to him at all so after that I promised to try and be better about being more strict so he could focus on being less “sole bad guy” and more “funny fun dude who likes to have fun”.

Ben and I mutually agreed Wednesday that she could be on ‘probation’ for the remainder of her grounding but that if EVEN ONE TIME she lied or was dishonest that the grounding would pick up at that point and she’d have to finish out her last week of grounding. I even pointed out to her at one point that if that happened, her gounding would overlap Halloween and wouldn’t that TOTALLY SUCK?

Tonight would have been the final night of probation. TONIGHT.

TONIGHT! So when we had just gotten done taking pictures of her in her Princess Leia costume earlier this evening and I got a call from her teacher telling me that Cassidy was late to school today, and this was the SECOND time she’d been late, I thought that CERTAINLY SHE WASN’T AT THAT DAMN STORE.

I called her downstairs and asked her what time she got to school today.

Cassidy: *deer in headlights look* I was late because I got up late and left late.
Me: You called me at 7:32 to tell me you were leaving.
Cassidy: I didn’t tell you what time it was.
Me: My phone keeps track of the time you call me. You called me at 7:32 and Ms. Walker said you got to school at 8:16.
Cassidy: Oh.
Me: I am going to give you one chance to tell me the truth and it would be your best bet to be honest with me RIGHT NOW because I will send that costume back in a second of you aren’t.
Cassidy: Laura had money and she wanted to go to the store so we went and were late.

*motherfuckingsigh*

After more probing it wasn’t LAURA that had money, it was Cassidy and it wasn’t LAURA that wanted to go to the store, it was Cassidy. As a matter of fact, she had decided BEFORE she left the house and BEFORE she left me a message saying she was leaving that she had decided to go to the store.

So this time I know the punishment has to be severe. Grounded, no electronics for a week. That means no school carnival tomorrow, no trick-or-treating and no birthday party for Carrielee (BFF and aunt extraordinaire) on Sunday. The last being the one that seemed to effect her the most.

And it. Is. Killing. Me. I KNOW that this has to be done. I KNOW that if I don’t enforce this we’ll be back here in a month. I KNOW it has to be really hard on her to get the point across and it’s KILLING ME. I look so forward to Halloween and getting to take her out. We’ve never missed a single birthday of Carrielee’s. I feel like a horrible person for doing this to her and I KNOW I shouldn’t.

And at the core of it all: I don’t want her to grow up resenting me the way I resent my mother.

I’m taking these things away from her and I don’t want her to hate me for it but I know that, as a tween, hating me is just going to have to be a part of life for awhile. But I’m just so scared.

An aside to Ben because I want to say this publicly: Thank you SO MUCH for your love and support and for helping me to become a better parent. For talking me through things, for a gentle touch to let me know it’s going to be okay, for the space I need sometimes to work through these things in my head or hammer them out on a keyboard, and for the strength I know it takes to help me learn and grow in this daily roller coaster of parenthood. And most importantly, for being the best father any kid could ever have. I love you.

If found, please return at once. I’ll be easy to find because I’ll be here blogging every single day for the next 30 days (starting November 1st) since I’ve decided to participate in NaBloPoMo. I figured that since I’m kind of on the edge these days between partial sanity and a full blown case of The Crazy I’d just go ahead and take that final leap into the deep end.

EVERy SINGLE DAY, NOVEMBER!! ARE YOU READY?!

I assume by around day 4 I’ll be regretting making the commitment and my posts will have deteriorated into nonsensical rambling clearly made by a delusional nutcase.

So, you know, it’ll be pretty much normal around her but with more posts.

Are you guys and girls participating? If so, comment and let me know. On November 1st when the theme changes I want to have a section to highlight and link to other NaBloPoMo-ers.