AKA: Operation SSS. Tonight I’m installing a mod that will allow me to limit who can see certain posts to registered members who I’ve allowed access. I’ve wrestled with this decision for a long time. The one thing I don’t want, is to ever have to censor myself here but because some people still check the site even though they should have stopped caring about what I have to say MONTHS ago, I’ve decided it’s time.

I don’t want some of the things I discuss here to EVER be used as ammunition against myself or Ben or Cassidy or anybody else I love and the only way I can ensure that is to keep some of the stuff I need to rant/vent/GET THE FUCK OUT out of the public eye. For now at least.

I’m going to pretty much approve anybody who registers EXCEPT the petty morons that I’m trying to keep out so go ahead and register and I’ll get around to approving people ASAP. You only have to do it once, choose the option to stay logged in and you’ll be set. Only posts where I talk about certain topics will be hidden, but for the most part I’ll continue to blog publicly like I always have.

It sucks I have to do this, it really does. But I don’t need people perpetuating drama that I let go of awhile ago and I have other things to focus on right now like my wedding (OMG I’M GETTING MARRIED) and not killing anybody before the PMS completely subsides.

So maybe giving up coffee wasn’t the best idea when I’m in the midst of the worst PMS I can remember having since that time I was 15 and called my mom a bitch for doing my laundry for me. HOW DARE SHE happen to be washing the shirt I wanted to wear RIGHT THEN!? Like, my entire social life depended on that shirt being clean and on me and baring just enough stomach to be “daring” but not enough to be “whore” and what if the guy of my dreams didn’t see me in THAT SHIRT which I just KNEW was going to be the shirt that made him fall in love with me so we could grow up and get married and have babies and my last name would look so cute if I dotted the ‘i’ with a heart like I’d practiced ALL DAY LONG when you COULD have been washing my shirt and now my LIFE IS OVER AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! *door slam*

Yeah, it’s been that bad this week. Yesterday my uterus started contracting with enough force to have pushed out an entire herd of cattle. And a matching farmer. I haven’t given in though. I’ve gone 5 entire days without a single sip of coffee and somehow at the end of this five days, Ben still want’s to marry me. THAT’S an amazing man right there, folks. Simply amazing.

The other night I was looking through some wedding magazines and I told Ben that I’d like to have either a very simple Asian theme or a beach theme (think Polynesian). At the end of the conversation he mentioned that he thought the best idea was to go with a theme that was “us”. Something that symbolized the type of people we are and the kind of relationship we have and that as long as whatever we decided to do managed to do that, he’d be happy.

Last night I had a dream that we gave away whoopi cushions and miniature M3’s as favors and the cake was shaped like a giant, well… it was phallic. heh Because that’s US. We laugh at eachother all the time. WITH eachother too but lets be honest here… I do a lot of crazy stuff and Ben is lucky enough to get to sit back and laugh at me. A lot. But he makes me laugh too. A lot. So, I want to have the nice, beautiful wedding but it’s important to me that it be FUN too. I want our guests to laugh. A lot. I’d prefer they NOT be laughing AT me however so any suggestions you have are welcome. Any fun weddings you’ve been to before that incorporate something funny and memorable??

I don’t blog enough. It’s not for lack of things to say. I have PLENTY to say. As a matter of fact Ben would probably love it if I didn’t say SO MUCH to him and started saying more HERE again. I wish I could come up with the reason that I haven’t been blogging more. Maybe I’ve just been lazy? I feel like I should entertain you all with blog posts. I go back into my archives sometimes and read “Today was fun. We ate this here and we shopped there and then Cassidy said something funny and isn’t that super swell?!” and I actually bore MYSELF!

I don’t ever want to say that I’ve ‘outgrown’ blogging. I haven’t. If you have one and you are here there’s a very good chance that I’ve read it today. I still read them a lot. A lot, a lot. If you comment, I read your blog and I probably even add you in my favorites and I will come back and read again. I’m fascinated by your life. I’m fascinated by the fact that you have kids, or you swear you will never have kids, or that you are married to a funny guy, or that you just broke up with the love of your life. I’m fascinated by that funny story you told about your dog and the garden hose, the one about how you daughter hasn’t gone to the restroom in 5 days made me cry and wish you well, and I love all the off the wall pictures you post of your doorknob.

I promise I’ll start trying to do better. Now that I think about it, maybe I just needed a little break. A chance to let my engagement story linger there at the top. Once I start blogging again, that will fall back into those pages of archives and some of you won’t get the jist of how powerfully in love I am. And My Maui pictures will fall off the main page and I’ll have to come to terms with the fact that I’m actually back here in San Jose and when I open my eyes tomorrow I won’t still be on vacation.

But, I have no doubt that planning a wedding will make for some interesting times ahead. It’s started. I’ve purchased every single wedding magazine I’ve found and also got this FANTASTIC planner that I’ve spent hours reading and pouring over and started formulating ideas and pictures in my head…

So that actually gives me some ideas for blog posts! So, I guess I’m back? If I haven’t commented on your blog in awhile, or you’ve never commented here, comment or drop me an email or just wave excitedly from your computer chair and I’ll do the same in return.