Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

OMGHI!

I know that I’ve been Teh Suck at updating regularly and I could totally lie to you and say it’s because I’ve been SO BUSY with… THINGS! Important things! Things that take important time!

The truth is I just haven’t felt like writing.

But since it was Christmas and all I thought that I should take the time to make some kind of Christmas type post so you don’t all think that I’m some horrible holiday hating Scrooge or something. Because that’s only partially true.

I do love the holiday season. I love the house lights (and really think that they should stay up all year and not just because I hate taking ours down, they are pretty and the neighborhood seems so boring and bland after New Years), and I love cookies (as witnessed by the two pants sizes my ass has expanded in the last month), and I love the music (as long as it’s MY MUSIC and not that crappy mall muzak shit, Kenny G playing Silver Bells with that horn thing he uses puts me in one mood; the mood to sleep). Ben and I just had a rough few months prior to the Christmas season so it was hard for me to get into the mood right away and it didn’t really hit till about a week before The Big Day.

I think one of the hardest things for me to grasp this year is that this is probably going to be Cassidy’s last “Santa” year. She’s already really skeptical but I could tell that there was still a glimmer of magic in her eye as she asked the questions you expect a kid to start to ask when they are putting the pieces together. Next year she’ll have become one of those precocious 10 year olds that pretends to believe in Santa because she knows she’ll net a bigger profit if Santa is involved. She’ll start to complain about having to take the lights down, and she’ll start rolling her eyes at the Kenny G musak and she’ll see the cookie making as a chore instead of a fun activity and it’s all just kind of depressing.

But! I still made the most of it and Christmas day was great and she ripped open 30 presents in 4.7 minutes flat. We now have more Hannah Montana CRAP in the house than I’m comfortable with and I’m pretty sure that I funded the next month of Hannah’s life with said CRAP.

And I wrapped some of Ben’s presents in Alliance wrapping paper. That alone made Christmas day ROCK.

And now the obligatory list of fabulous loot. I’ll keep it to the big and fantastically bad ass things.

• KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer in Red from my mommy. <3
• Senseo coffee maker also in red from Cassidy.
• Tickets to see Beauty and the Best in May when it comes to the city from my dad. It will be Cassidy’s first Broadway type play and we are both really excited.
• A really nice laptop bag from Ben.

And last but certainly not least was DxO from Ben. It deserves to be separate from the bullets because it is THAT bad ass. It’s this really advanced photo correction software that uses all these complex mathematical algorithms to correct photos caused by known “flaws” in camera body and lens combinations. So in layman terms, it make pretty pictures EVEN PRETTIER. They have a free demo if you have a DSLR and want to give it a try.

And now, the look forward to 2008 which will require another obligatory post about the past year and what I expect for the NEXT year and I’m sure that “Rinse, Repeat!” isn’t going to cut it so I’ll be back sooner than you think! But just in case I don’t, have a great New Years Eve everybody! Drink lots, don’t drive and ring in the year with people you love and don’t want to punch in the face if you do get too drunk!

*hugs*

It’s all about me.

I’m always fascinated when people throw the “narcissistic” ball at bloggers. And there really isn’t a valid way to argue against it, right? I write about me because I assume that you are going to be interested in what I have to say about me. So yeah, anybody that has a personal domain carries around a healthy amount of The Veinâ„¢.

My dad likes to tease me about the narcissism of blogging and self portraits but we laugh about it because, it’s TRUE! I love me! IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! And my dad bought me the PJ’s to prove it so really, I blame him.

My question to YOU is why YOU care so much? I write about me because I think that I am awesomely fantastic. But why do you read about me? And when you do, and you’re so appalled by it, why do you come back? Over and over. To read more and more. Why do you take time out of your day to comment or email and tell me how vein I am? Because all you’re doing is inflating the ego. I HAVE FANS! I must write more! MORE!

It’s this never ending debate I see rampaging the internet every where I turn. The bloggers write about themselves and the haters write about how much they hate you writing about yourself. “Mommy bloggers” are especially prone to this because a lot of parenthood is about failure. Lots and lots of bumps and bruises and finding out what works by realizing what DOESN’T. I’ve not come across a SINGLE mommy blogger that doesn’t have at least ONE regular commenter there telling them in every comment thread:

“I can’t believe you gave your child SODA! You fucking monster!”

“I can’t believe you posted yours child’s PICTURE on the INTERNET! What about predators?!”

“I can’t believe you told the WORLD about when your child fell down and cracked open his head! Where were you? Probably BLOGGING, you horrible, unfit, asswad! Get off the internet and raise your kids!”

And here I am saying it: I don’t get YOU. At least my focus is on ME. I write because it’s an outlet. I have this grand illusion that people will actually want to read what I have to say, that maybe they will enjoy it and get a little chuckle, or walk away with a new perspective, or just slightly less bored than when they sat down. But at the very core of it, I write because when putting it down “on paper” I have to actually form my thoughts and opinions into complete sentences and organize them in paragraph form and I’m foced to confront them. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gotten half way through a blog post and gone, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Epiphany!

I sit down and blog knowing that today I will probably learn something new about myself, and two years from now I can look back on today and see how stupid I was back then. YOU sit down to read what I have to say to pick it apart and twist it into something evil and wrong and *gasp* vein!

So you tell me, who sounds like the bigger fool here?

P.S. – I don’t really have any haters. The “I” here was written to speak for bloggers as a whole. Remember, I’m too awesomely fantastic to have haters. BAM!

“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.”

At what point in your life do you realize that holding on to animosity and grudges rob you every second you dwell on them? I guess everybody has to find that realization in their own time and in their own way. For me, it happened in the last two weeks. If you’d have asked me six months ago if I was aware enough to know this I’d have said yes, but I’d have been so very wrong. And in another six months I might think the same thing about this moment right now… But for right now, I’m there. I’ve chosen to not carry around those feelings like an egg on a spoon, always afraid that a gust of wind will come along and knock them off to stink up my life.

I let go. I hope others can do the same in the long run. I guess time will tell.

I’ll be back to blog soon. Once to post this in more depth but behind a protected post. I’m adding a plug in to let “select” registered users read them. I’ll let you all know more when that takes place and how to gain access.

And! Ben and I are having a little debate about how far Neo’s ability to bend the space time continuum extends and we need The Internet’s opinion to settle it.

Blog meme.

Jenn posted this meme the other day and I sat down and wrote out half of it and got sidetracked and didn’t finish till today.

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
Hell no. I try to look as ridiculous as necessary so the majority of the people don’t want to bother me. Sometimes I just write “CRAZY!!” on my forehead to get the point across better. The two exclamation points are necessary for that. I think that anybody who’s read my blog would understand my secret code and understand that they are exempt from the “bothering”.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Most of them. I add a black and white border to pretty much every picture I take. Also, on a lot of them I duplicate layers and change the top layer property to make the colors pop. I also take all my shots in RAW form now so if I really want to manipulate something I start out by playing with hue/saturation before it even gets touched as a JPEG.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
I enjoy email of all kind. Especially from creeps because then I forward them to my friends and we have a good laugh.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
Please reread #1. I prefer to use “embellish a LOT” to “lie”.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
Wow, #1 really answers a lot of these questions for me!

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
Seriously? I have people telling me all the time to WRITE MORE ALREADY so not a problem. But I wouldn’t anyway.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
Not anymore. But I have been and yes, it helped. Imagine #1 if I hadn’t!

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
In over 4 years I’ve deleted ONE comment but for the most part, I don’t like to censor people. And no, I don’t fake comments. I’d have a lot more comments if I did!

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after?
Who in the hell writes these things?!

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
I’d like to think more but The Blond might prove otherwise.

11. Do you have a job?
Fo’ sho’, yo.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
I really don’t know. I’d love to be paid for writing because I actually enjoy writing much more than I ever talk about it here but I don’t think there is anybody out there that would actually PAY to read the insanity.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
All of them! Seriously, I’m fascinated by people and how different upbringings, locations, opinions, etc all vary.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with?
BEN!!

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I don’t think I go either way. We live comfortably but everybody has their money issues and we are certainly not immune to that.

16. Does your family read your blog?
Yes. My dad reads and comments. My mom reads although I’m not sure how much because she pretty much refuses to acknowledge its existence and curls up into a fetal position and shakes whenever I mention it. Cousins read and comment. I know that more people have the address but have never let on that they are reading and if they ARE the should COMMENT.

17. How old is your blog?
The blog dates back to, gosh, you expect me to actually remember that… I’ll just go with a long time. I’ve had personal domains since 2003 and anything before that is certainly forgettable so I’ll just stick to that.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
Let me go check!

So according to AwStats my page views jump to over 1000 on the days that I actually post, but the rest of the time it hovers around 750-1000. I really think that page views are a silly way to judge a blogs relevance though unless you are using them for paid blogging. Quality over quantity and all that jazz..

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being , slutty, or a liar?
If you consider this another secret blog then, yes! Yes I do!

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
Nope.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
On my other blogs that are specifically to make money, yes.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
I think it’s probably one of the highest forms of narcissism second only to taking a lot of pictures of yourself. But I think unless you let your ego get the better of you, there’s really nothing wrong with being a bit narcissistic.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don’t post for a long time?
I do actually. But not because I think the readers want it. I feel guilty because that means I haven’t taken the time to sit down and hammer things out.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
As long as he leaves me alone in the grocery store, we’re cool.

25. Do you have enemies?
Enemies? I don’t think so. ‘Enemy’ is a strong word. I certainly have people I’d like to backhand sometimes but the one thing I’ve learned well from Ben is not to hold on to those feelings. Life is too short to walk around hating people.

26. Are you lonely?
No. I have a lot of people to love.

27. Why bother?
Because never trying seems like a silly alternative.

Five things I’ve learned since my last blog post. Bulleted.

• When you get to the grocery store and there is not a single cart outside, run. As fast as you can. Away from the store. That is a sign that every cart is in use IN the store and venturing in will lead to cussing and general feelings of discontent.
• Never assume that handing in a paper is the end of an assignment. In 4th grade, it only means that you’ve STARTED and two weeks from that point there will be a “project” to turn in that your nine year old will suddenly remember to tell you about 48 hours before it’s due.
• When you go to hack illegally upgrade your iPhone, it’s not best to start that 74,526 step process at 11:30PM. Because to get from 1.0.2 to a jailbroken 1.1.2 you have to upgrade to 1.1.2, then downgrade to 1.1.1 then jailbreak, then hack, then upgrade to 1.1.2 again, then jailbreak… again. And at 11:30PM you have the patience and clarity of thinking of a gnat.
• Don’t ever trust that America’s Tire has a mother fucking clue about anything related to tires. Or to understand how studs work. Or that they should probably check to see if wheels are STAGGERED before they put them back on your car. Because they won’t. And they’ll screw up your studs, put the front wheels on the back and the back wheels on the front somehow try and blame YOU because you have boobies instead of balls and “you’ll be out of her in 35 minutes” will turn into the most frustrating 4 hours OF YOUR LIFE.
• Cats will, without fail, wait till you have mopped all 2000 square feet of house before going outside, ingesting large amounts of grass and then throwing it up in various spots around said house. Cute little green packages of warm love… for me to step in.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow! We have company coming and I’m cooking enough food to feed 70 people. So if you are in the Bay Area and have nowhere to go, come on by, pull up a chair, enjoy the gluttony, and be thankful for stuff! If not, have a great Thanksgiving wherever you may be headed.