The below rant is about none of my regular visitors. Just something I needed to get out there…

Why is it people are so apprehensive when it comes to admitting fault in a distressing situation? Even better, why are people this way when the situation puts the blame squarely on the shoulders of an innocent friend? What’s really sad is that I bet most people reading this know a person they probably aren’t friends with anymore, or even had a friend they are just aquaintances with now because of this question.

When this happens people tend to try and mask an issue or find a way to NOT admit something really simple and silly by pointing fingers, slinging mud and skirting around the issue so many ways that by the time you get to the end, the original point is so far lost and you are in such a state of “defend” that the water under the bridge has turned into a raging, destructive flood of horse shit.

I understand that people have “stuff” they have to deal with on a daily basis. Stuff that is scarry, stressful, time-consuming, sad… we ALL have these things going on. All if us. Friendship is not about lashing out at somebody an expecting them to just KNOW that all this stuff is going on and that’s why you are saying things and acting in a way that maybe you wouldn’t under “normal” conditions. It’s, frankly, a bullshit excuse. I say this because there’s nothing YOU are going through that SOMEBODY else around you has NOT gone through. It doens’t make it any more or less okay for you to be a dickhead than it does the next person.

Now, excuse me while I get “blunt”. You get back what you give out. If you want people to keep in touch and spend time with you pick up a damn phone every now and then and don’t expect that a person with a six year old is going to jump up at 9:00PM for a late night dinner. When people invite you places, don’t be such a fucking snob and refuse to go to a certain movie theatre because it’s in the “ghetto” or because it’s farther away than the one by your house… where we saw the last three movies. Understand that by hanging out with friends that are not YOU, you are not getting “replaced” or “ignored”. Maybe instead realize that you’ve been so “busy” with your own “stuff” that maybe your friends have found friends that are more into the stuff they happen to be into. If you can’t “share” your friends then you aren’t a very good friend to begin with.

And MOST OF ALL! When you act like an ass, don’t use all of these reasons to try and dance around the bigger issue… That you were an ass.

Ben is the most amazing, patient, wonderful man ever. The last few days were tough. Mainly made so by the fact that I felt just OUT of it. Pain medicine can do that to you. Big time. Almost helpless really.

I can’t count the number of times he brought me the ice pack (even once at 3AM!!), drinks, made me soup, made a trip to the store for more gauze, pinto’s and cheese… he even allowed Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream IN THE HOUSE. The house where he threatens immediate throwing away of anything that does not contain over 50% protein.

I was going to thank him for sitting in a room for 45 minutes waiting for me to come out of surgery but found out tonight that he actually made a trip to Noah’s Bagels while he waited. So instead I’d like to thank him for not getting the bagel BEFORE he dropped me off having not eaten in 12 hours. And also for actually claiming me when the nurse came to get him. Because after looking at myself in the mirror when I got home… mouth gaping open with gauze, drooling down myself, scrape on my lip, stoned look in my eyes… I’d have walked into the recovery room and said, “I don’t know that lunatic” and been outta there.

Anyway, I want to say thank you to Ben. I know it sounds silly and extreme but you were my hero this weekend and I love you very much for it. And anybody who can put up with my breath right now while the gaping wounds heal in my moist, hot mouth is nothing short of a Hero of Epic magnitude.

*kiss* I love you, honey.

I’m feeling good. Took my last Vicodin today at 8:00AM. Also took the last piece of gauze out of my mouth at that time. They didn’t give me enough gauze so Ben had to go get me more last night. They said the bleeding should stop after two hours but that bottom right would not stop. I finally figured out that the hole is kind of on the outside of the gum so it wasn’t getting much pressure put on it when I was biting down. I started sticking a big wad of gauze in there between my cheek and the gum line and sleeping on that side. It made it sore but stopped the bleeding finally.

I took some 600MG Ibuprofen a few minutes ago. It’s sore like I’d expect it to be in the area of surgery and my jaw in general but not really in “pain”. They gave me like 30 vicodin and 30 600MG Ibuprofen. That had me a bit worried!! I guess we’ll just have a lot of left over pain medicine.

I’ve been ice paking A LOT too. I think that’s help more than anything. Ben got a long narrow icepack from the chiropractor a few weeks ago when he hurt his back. It’s been perfect because it wraps all the way around my jaw line. I’ve been tying it on my face with a pink polkadotted scarf so I can sleep with it on.

I’ve managed to eat some chicken soup. But that and a small scoop of ice cream is all I’ve had since Thursday afternoon. I’d think I’d be hungrier. Especially with all the pain medicine and antibiotics I’ve been taking. Hopefully the apetite will start to come back this evening.

The story of being put to sleep is a funny one that I’ll have to write once I have a little more strength to be sitting at the computer. I think the lack of food and pain medication has made me a bit loopy and has my body really run down so I’m still sleeping quite a bit. And going to go do some more of it now.

I’m alive. The pain isn’t that bad. Can take Vicodin every six hours so am staggering it every 4 hours, 2 hours, 4 hours, 2 hours etc. It’s working well. Two of the holes have stopped beleeing. For some reason the bottom right is still going. Slow, but bleeding.

Been able to dring a small Gatorade, a little bit of water and a small scoop of ice cream.

Can’t be sitting up too long. Start to get nauseated. But the Vicodin has only kept me awake in 20 minute intervals. Usually long enough for Ben to re-cool the ice pack.

Gotto get back to laying down. Just wanted all to know that I’m okay and not really hurting and sellping a LOT.

In 23 hours I will be having medicine injected into my arm to make me sleep so that a man I’ve met once can work for an hour, charge my dental insurance $1500, and cause me pain I’ve been told is worse than child birth. I’d like to quickly point out that all those who have told me it’s “worse than labor” have not had their vagina stretched out far enough to allow a 6 pound 15 ounce 19 inch long entity escape from their body where it grew for 9 months causing their spine and internal organs to do things that would cause most men to DIE… so I’m not really taking this one too seriously.

I don’t like pain but I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I always said that if not for the 9 months of pregnancy I’d have 10 kids because child birth was relatively fast compared to the 9 fucking horrible, hot, bloated, uncomfortable months leading up to it.

I think the thing that will kick my ass with this is the length of recovery. One day after I had Cassidy I was vacuuming the apartment and making trips to WalMart for diapers because the ones I imagined were too small for any human to fit into were too big.

The oral surgeon told me THREE times in a 20 minute consultation that I was to be on strict bed/couch rest for at LEAST two days. Come on! They aren’t operating on my LEGS! They will work. It’s the MOUTH, dude. Why in the hell do I have to not do anything for two days? Does he not see the big blue P on my chest. I don’t do “nothing” for two days. I have a depression problem to ignore. In order to do that I need to be doing things. Like cleaning, and working on my website, and swimming, and… TWO DAYS?!?!

Stupid wisdom teeth.