Blogmas Day 3: HANS IS HOME!

Hans tore a hole in Cassidy’s window screen FOUR MONTHS ago. We spent a lot of time looking for him and once I thought I saw him run into a yard in the cul-de-sac across from us but it was 5:00AM and I wasn’t comfortable getting all up in the bushes in front of a neighbors front window at that time.

Then last night we didn’t go to a Christmas party and Ben happened to be outside and saw him streak across our driveway! He ran after him which freaking Hans out so Ben sat down and just started calling to him and Hans ran right over! Ben called me and yelled BRING CAT TREATS COME OUTSIDE NOW. Ben wasn’t able to grab him but when I threw a few treats down he walked right up to me and nuzzled into my chest. I carried him home.

When I brought him upstairs Cassidy didn’t believe me but Hans ran over to her and didn’t leave her side for the entire night. He ate and fell asleep almost instantly and has been sleeping most of the day. It’s been SO COLD outside and he’s SO skinny so I imagine the next few days are going to be spent mostly eating and sleeping on her cozy warm bed with is favorite human companion.

He’s pretty smelly so I’m about to go give him a sponge bath because I hate to traumatize him with a full real bath right now. Then I’ll flea treat him. We have him quarantined in Cassidy’s room in case he picked something up out there and I’m going to make an appointment to get him in to see the vet and get checked out.

But he’s HOME! Safe and warm and with a full belly.

BEST. CHRISTMAS. GIFT. EVER.

Hans is home. Skinny, cuts on his face, can't get enough love from Cassidy. ??

Blogmas Day 2: I almost failed already.

I’m currently in bed wearing a Grumpy Bear onsie cuddled up with Kumo’s butt.

Here was my day:

Wake up. Work. Long commute home. Dinner. Lots of Hearthstone and laughing with Ben. Onsie bed butt cuddles.

All in all, I’m okay with this.

Tomorrow: CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!

Blogmas Day 1. Questions and Answers with Cassidy.

I’ve decided to attempt Blogmas. ATTEMPT. I’ll probably fail but I like to set my standards low so that I’m not disappointed in myself later. The last few months I’ve written around 2 posts a month and I’ve already met that goal so basically I’ve already won December.

My friend Trini posted this questions meme on Facebook the other day and it was fun to read her daughter’s answers. Because I didn’t want to have to type all the answers out I just made Cassidy sit down and make a video with me. Because I’m lazy. And also, you can see our real interactions.

Coloring Book Giveaway: NSFW Edition

Coloring Book Giveaway Prize

I participate in most of The Oatmeal’s Kickstarters because each one is more awesome than the next. Somehow I ended up getting TWO of his coloring books, Penis Fairies and Queef Storms – An Adult Coloring Book by The Oatmeal. I don’t really need TWO penis fairy coloring books which is good news for you! Because you can have one if you win!

And because you can’t color 1000 year boners or queef storms if you don’t have coloring pencils, I picked up a 36 pack of colored pencils and a sharpener to send with it so you can get to coloring right away.

I gave you 12 ways to enter this time plus added 2 that you can do daily if you want. So, get to it! PENIS FARIRIES AWAIT!

GOOD LUCK!

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOUR BUTT IS WARM!

At 3:10AM this morning my alarm went off to go pick Cassidy up from work at the local outlet mall. Ben and I dropped her off last night at 7:00PM on the way home from a DELICIOUS Thanksgiving dinner with my mom and brothers and the parking lot was already completely full. PEOPLE ARE CRAZY.

Snuggle Buddies Anyway, my alarm went off at 3:10AM and after hitting snooze once, I got up to go get her. I fell asleep with my clothes on so that I could just slip into some flip-flops and walk out the door. But this stopped me and I had to take a picture because HOW CUTE ARE THEY!? Kumo is like, “WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME?” And Agent Romanoff is like, “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOUR BUTT IS WARM!”

So anyway, after the photo I stumbled into the bathroom then grabbed my glasses, put on my flip-flops and started heading downstairs.

I walked out of the bedroom and realized that OMG WHY CAN’T I SEE!? And this is how the brain of a worrier works.

  • OMG I AM GOING BLIND.
  • Don’t be stupid you don’t just suddenly go blind.
  • OMG MAYBE IT’S AN ANEURYSM!
  • Wait, those are instant, right? Don’t be stupid, you aren’t having an aneurysm.
  • OMG! IS MY BLOOD PRESSURE SPIKING?! IS IT A HEART ATTACK!? FUCK! WHAT’S THE HEART ATTACK ACRONYM!?
  • WHAT ABOUT THE STROKE ACRONYM!? OMG AM I HAVING A HEART ATTACK AND A STROKE AT THE SAME TIME?!
  • No, sudden blindness is not one of the symptoms of STOP or FAST. STOP BEING STUPID!
  • Should I wake up Ben?! What will I even say!? TAKE ME TO THE ER! I CAN’T SEE SOMETHING IS WRONG I AM PROBABLY DYING!
  • Wait, I should verify I’m dying first. How do you so that? Should I take my temperature? What is the temperature of a dying person? Pulse? DO I EVEN HAVE A PULSE AT THIS POINT?! OMG AM I EVEN BREATHING!?

Then I took my glasses off and realized I could see! It was a miracle! Except, no, I just fell asleep with my contacts in.

When I woke up later this morning I had to laugh about it and thought it would be funny to look at the NEST video to see how stupid I looked and that’s when I realized all this happened in my brain in about a half a second.

I will never understand why my brain does this. WORSE CASE SCENARIO FIRST, ALL PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATIONS SECOND! I’ve gotten MUCH better at dealing with it in a daily basis. Ben is a great sounding board so if I can’t manage to talk myself off he ledge, he is always there to listen and remind me that I am COMPLETELY overreacting about something. I wish my brain would get a clue and stop this insane process but at the very least I’m able to look back and laugh about it now.

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