Dateline True Story: Man could she fart.

So I’ve been on this True Crime TV shows slash documentaries lately and I preface this by stating that I am a pretty horrible person.

HORRIBLE.

But COME ON. PEOPLE AREN’T THAT NICE. Victims often come across as angelic perfect human beings that are all light and love. And NOBODY deserves to die, especially not in the way they do to end up on these TV shows, but I feel like I’ve heard the same quotes about the victims on every episode.

“She lit up every room she walked into.”

“He never met a person who didn’t immediately love him.”

“She was a joy to work with.”

“He was the best friend anybody could ever ask for.”

And I sit there and think about what people would say about me in this situatiuon so I’m going to just TELL YOU what I’d want you all to say on national television when called on to speak about me on a True Crime show.

“Man could she fart. She could strip the paint off the wall with her butt air.”

“She was a very passionate person. If you put the toilet paper roll on the wrong way she’d punch you straight in the face. Because you’d deserve it, you filthy animal.”

“Ben loved her so much and took such good care of her. He really is a good and patient man. Because she was a goodamn pain in the ass.”

“She never met a creature she didn’t love. She had cats and dogs and hamsters and hermit crabs and they all meant as much to her as her own daughter. Except spiders. She’d burn your house to the ground if she spotted a spider. She was always trying to help people that way.”

“She was always there for you when you needed her. She would be there for you day or night no matter what. Just as soon as she woke up from her nap.”

And speaking of Ben because they ALWAYS suspect the husband first…

“He loved her so much. He could never hurt her. There’s no way he’d risk having to be separated from the absolute love of his life forever and I really don’t think they’d let him bring the M3 to prison with him.”

No but really, if I ever end up looking brutally murdered just assume that I finally managed to klutz myself to death because that’s 98% my most likely cause of death. But if a single one of you assholes goes on national television and talks about how I lit up rooms it better be because you are telling a story about holding a match to my butt.

Split Finances: The Why

Ben is a planner. He likes to plan and make spreadsheets and know what’s happening before it happens.

I am not. I’m more of a fly by the seat of my pants person. I don’t necessarily care what’s happening next and if I have to think about it too much I start to worry about it and try to assess all the worst case scenarios that might pop up and then I shut down and end up eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in the closet at 1:00AM.

These two different styles of thought apply to MANY things. Finances, for instance! So for the longest time Ben had been in charge of our finances. I kept a general eye on the bank account and I had general ideas how much we paid for things but I had no idea when they were due or how much he might have budgeted for any of it. Because of this we had an agreement in place that if either of us was going to spend over $X.XX we’d talk to the other person first. Ben was REALLY good about this. I was NOT. Again, I’m a fly by the seat of my pants person, remember!

The last straw came when I was Kirklands about six months ago and ALL THE THINGS were on sale so I ended up spending about $180 on stuff for the house. I had FULLY INTENDED on telling Ben about it that night but then, you know, life. So he was rightfully pretty upset when he saw it.

After we talked more calmly about it we both realized that it might be better for us to split finances.* We both have different passions. For Ben, it’s his M3, for me, it’s makeup and planners and making the house cute and etc. It was really hard to budget because we were both trying to push for our different wants AFTER our needs were met. I REALLY want Ben to be able to peruse his passion. I love seeing him get enjoyment out of something he loves so much. And I know that Ben wanted the same for me and this really was the best way for us to BOTH get what we wanted. He doesn’t have to explain where the money came from for all the car parts that are currently living in our workout room and I don’t have to explain to him why I NEEDED to buy the entire aisle of clear storage at the Container Store to organize my Washi tape by color and size.

So, that’s the WHY. Next time I’ll get into the How we make it work for both of us.

*This is a huge glossing over of what happened. Ben suggested it. I was like THAT IS TOTALLY NOT FAIR YOU MAKE DOUBLE WHAT I DO FUCK YOU AND YOUR HUGE INCOME! It took me a few days to realize I was being DUMB. I spent a lot of time reading about different ways that couples handled it and the thought of being able to spend whatever I want on whatever I want and not having to explain why was what I had always wanted so reacting the way I did was pretty ridiculous. Luckily, I have pretty much the most patient husband in the history of all husbands and he gave me time to realize this on my own and only said “I told you so” about 47 times.

END GAME WORST CASE SCENARIO

I am embarrassed by the level of sticker crazy I have gone with my Erin Condrin LifePlanner. I had a small and more simple planner from a Kickstarter last year and I really liked it but I had a gift certificate for Erin Condren and I did like the colorful planner so I got it for this year. I love it! It’s laid out really well and is similar to how I was already using the smaller planner.

But then I made the mistake of googling some ideas for using the planner and I found… THE STICKERS. So right off the bat I bought this super girly sticker spread for January and once I got it I was IMMEDIATELY hooked.

I am so embarrassed of this planner obsession.

After that I got a little sticker crazy on Etsy but they are pretty cheap! So I set a budget then got super sad when I hit it. Below is my first week in January which I really love. Some girls are SUPER sticker crazy and literally fill the entire week with stickers but I’m more of a “white space planner” (I’ve had to learn the sticker lingo) because I do NOT like clutter and I need white space in my life, okay.

I am so embarrassed of this planner obsession.

So once I hit my budget I started reading how to make this cheaper and a lot of girls mentioned buying printable stickers off Etsy and printing them on sticker paper myself so that’s exactly what I did. AND! I used credit card points so I got this printer FOR FREE. And the ink FOR FREE. So now I can buy JPEGs like the one for these watercolor To Do List stickers for $1.75! BAM! Cheap sticker to make my week PRETTY!

I am so embarrassed of this planner obsession.

I know, I kind of hate myself right now too. But planning is something that my counselor recommended to me about two years ago and it has helped IMMENSELY to keep my anxiety more under control. I am the kind of person that automatically jumps to the END GAME WORST CASE SCENARIO and it’s really helped me to be able to write down a goal, list out the steps to get there then cross them off along the way. I’m a more pleasant person to be around and that’s awesome for a whole lot of people.

And it helps my obsessive organizational tendency. The same part of my brain that needs my cans to line up and my clothes to be hung in color order REALLY LOVES that I can look at this and see orange for Cassidy’s schedule, dark green for work, light green for bills, pink for personal stuff, blue for Ben, etc.

I’ve also become an insane budgeter since Ben and I split finances (this has been SUCH a positive more for Ben and I and I totally plan on blogging about it SOON) and this has reigned in my need to obsessively check all my financial accounts online.

Okay, I’m done now. I can’t promise that this will be my last planner post but I DO PROMISE you that I hate me more than you do right now.

TRUST.

Why I’m about to break up with Lootcrate.

Oh how I wanted to love Lootcrate. A box full of figurines and pins and shirts AND MORE!? And all geeky!? YES PLEASE.

But no.

I mean, the figurines have all been great. Even the ones that I don’t necessarily want I’ve been able to give away to people that want them. But for the most part? Love them!

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But oh man, the shirts. I am a lover of geeky tshirts. I have a pretty extensive collection that I’m proud of. I wear them all the time. All day every day. No matter what movie we go see, from any genre of geek lore, I have a tshirt and/or hoodie to proudly wear while we stand in line. So when I started seeing the shirts from Lootcrate I was instantly sold. I made a promise to myself long ago that I’d only allow myself one subscription box at a time so I cancelled my Ipsy bag and subscribed to Lootcrate and chose the Women’s XL shirt option.

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So far? I can wear ONE of the six shirts I’ve gotten because EVERY SINGLE SHIRT is a different size. All labeled XL, one actually is an XL. The rest? I’d say range from extra small to Medium. I’ve searched high and low for an actual shirt size chart on the Lootcrate but haven’t been able to find anything. And I’ve found plenty of people online that complain about this and Lootcrate’s only answer is to send it back for an exchange AT YOUR COST.

No.

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I REALLY REALLY don’t want to have to cancel my subscription but at this point I’m really just wasting my money unless I want to add the cost of sending my shirts back every month or switching to an XXL and hoping they actually show up in a size I can wear.

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Get your shit together, Lootcrate.

Blogmas Day 3: HANS IS HOME!

Hans tore a hole in Cassidy’s window screen FOUR MONTHS ago. We spent a lot of time looking for him and once I thought I saw him run into a yard in the cul-de-sac across from us but it was 5:00AM and I wasn’t comfortable getting all up in the bushes in front of a neighbors front window at that time.

Then last night we didn’t go to a Christmas party and Ben happened to be outside and saw him streak across our driveway! He ran after him which freaking Hans out so Ben sat down and just started calling to him and Hans ran right over! Ben called me and yelled BRING CAT TREATS COME OUTSIDE NOW. Ben wasn’t able to grab him but when I threw a few treats down he walked right up to me and nuzzled into my chest. I carried him home.

When I brought him upstairs Cassidy didn’t believe me but Hans ran over to her and didn’t leave her side for the entire night. He ate and fell asleep almost instantly and has been sleeping most of the day. It’s been SO COLD outside and he’s SO skinny so I imagine the next few days are going to be spent mostly eating and sleeping on her cozy warm bed with is favorite human companion.

He’s pretty smelly so I’m about to go give him a sponge bath because I hate to traumatize him with a full real bath right now. Then I’ll flea treat him. We have him quarantined in Cassidy’s room in case he picked something up out there and I’m going to make an appointment to get him in to see the vet and get checked out.

But he’s HOME! Safe and warm and with a full belly.

BEST. CHRISTMAS. GIFT. EVER.

Hans is home. Skinny, cuts on his face, can't get enough love from Cassidy. ??

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