БогородицаI’m bored and all you people need to amuse me so ASK! QUESTIONS! Going to try and answer AT LEAST two a week in a video. They’ll be crappy iPhone videos but still. I’m lazy and don’t want to type so instead you all get to see my awesome mug. I promise next time to put SOMETHING on my face other than brownie crumbs. I forgot my makeup bag at home today so never put any on and wasn’t about to for a 2 minute video. HA!

GO!

So about a month ago I decided that I needed to eat Mexican food or I would die after physically harming every living creature within 75 miles. I might have been a little premenstrual. Or a lot, whatever.

I love Mexican food. When I want to feel like a kid again, it’s my go to meal. I was lucky enough to be raised with a Mexican extended family. Like, REAL Mexican. Not that Americanized crap you get in a restaurant with premade tortillas and rice from a mix. Enchiladas made with love, mole made with 84 ingredients and simmered ALL DAY LONG then eaten with a batch of tortillas made fresh that day with REAL ACTUAL LARD from a tub. Real Mexican food is made with tubs of lard. TUBS OF LARD, PEOPLE.

Ben: Why do you want Mexican food?
Me: I don’t WANT Mexican food, I need it.
Ben: …
Me: Don’t look at me like that. LOOK AT MY OVARIES!
Ben: You are going to feel like shit later.
Me: No I won’t. Mexican food is MAGIC.
Ben: Yes, stomach aches are magic.
Me: Enchiladas.
Ben: Endless bathroom trips.
Me: Nachos.

We ended up getting Mexican food. Before I put my fork down the magic stomach ache started. As we were leaving the restaurant I started to blame Ben for allowing me to make such a stupid, estrogen driven decision. WHAT WAS HE THINKING!?

I was up ALL NIGHT LONG. The cramps. And the magic stomach ache.

It was bad.

So the next morning I was up before everybody else which is not something that happens on a weekend. EVER.

Cassidy was walking downstairs as I was sitting on the couch after having spent about 20 agonizing minutes in the downstairs bathroom finally ridding myself of all that lardy Mexican poison. LARD IS POISON, PEOPLE!

Cassidy: *deep breath*
Me: *looks innocent* Dude, sorry. I totally turned the fan on.
Cassidy: Did you make… bacon?
Me: What?
Cassidy: It smells like bacon, did you make breakfast?
Me: WHAT!?
Cassidy: I smell bacon!
Me: The only thing I’ve made today is POOP!
Cassidy: What?
Me: I made poop and YOU THINK IT SMELLS LIKE BACON!
Cassidy: EWWWWWWWWW!
Me: HAHAHAHA Mexican food is MAGIC!

For the past month when anybody needs to, you know, do THAT BUSINESS in the bathroom we refer to it as “makin’ bacon” or “I’m going to go make bacon”.

There are three morals to this story:

1. Mexican food is MAGIC.
2. Teenager are actually CRAZY.
3. My poop smells like BACON. Fuck roses, man. BACON!

MAGIC. CRAZY. BACON.

IN ALL CAPS.

Aren’t you glad I blogged now, honey?

While watching the funeral scene in Grand Torino there were people carrying in platters PILED with food on them for the old grouchy guy because his wife died and I guess they assumed that men aren’t capable of making a sandwich or something.

Me: We should pretend like I died. For the food. Then, when people get here we can be all HAHAH JUST KIDDING… but leave the eggrolls.
Ben: I think that’s a good idea. But let’s not pretend.
Me: …
Ben: haha I was kidding.
Me: I am blogging this right now.
Ben: Why are you suddenly blogging everything I’m saying!?

Because, Ben! There needs to be a public record of things like this. Now watch, when I die, YOU AREN’T GOING TO GET ANY EGGROLLS!

HA!

Ben is pretty awesome at a lot of things. LOTS! Like, he’s very good at never EVER leaving a toilet seat up. He’s a champion cookie eater. And he’s the best dog cuddler you will EVER MEET.

But one thing he’s far above average at is driving. We joke back and forth quite often (mainly I joke) about who is a better driver but he is hands down one of the best drivers I’ve ever gotten into a car with. And I don’t just mean every day driving around town. I mean like, get him on a track and he will give you a ride like you have never had before. The times I rode with him I often hopped between THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME and OMG WE ARE GOING TOO FAST TO MAKE THAT TURN then followed that up by I AM GOING TO HURL GET ME OUT OF THIS CAR!!

Watching these videos often makes me nauseated. When you are in the car, those high speed turns, the force of the car fighting against what all the laws of nature say should not be possible… the video just doesn’t do it justice. It’s a pretty awesome feeling.

Ben hasn’t driven like that since his accident. I know he misses it. It’s in his nature.

So Monday when he sent me an email about going Karting with some of the guys from work I was like YES! GO DO THAT! Because Ben after driving fast is the best kind of Ben to be around.

I was totally kidding.

Kind of.

But I had no doubt that he’d come home with these:

It’s a good thing too because he’s also an excellent source of heat on cold nights. I can’t imagine how much it would cost me to have to try and stay warm if he wasn’t around.

Tonight as Ben was explaining something to me:

Ben: It’s happening consistently and regularly.
Me: Consistently and regularly is redundant.
Ben: You aren’t contributing to the conversation.
Me: I’m contributing to your education.
Ben: You are contributing to my hand to your face.
Me: HAHAHAH! BLOGGING THIS RIGHT NOW!

<3

This is normal. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So yeah. NaBloPoMo. Fail.

I blame Edward Cullen.

Thursday was crazy. I bought tickets for The midnight premier of Breaking Dawn Part 1 at the beginning of the week online and had planned on coming home, taking a nap, then heading over to the theater around 7:00PM to get in line. I figured showing up 5 hours early would be a bit overkill but it would give us time to sleep and eat dinner before going and still be one of the first people in line.

I really underestimated just how much crazy teenagers love their vampires.

On the way home from work I decided that it might not be a bad idea to get the tickets early since we’ve had problems before getting tickets there after buying them online. So after running upstairs to change, Cassidy and I headed off to the theater and got there around 4:00PM and there were already people in line. At 4:00PM. 8 hours before the movie started. So as we were getting the tickets I asked the girl working there and she said that the people in the front got there at 8:30AM. In the morning. SIXTEEN HOURS EARLY. She also told me that they had sold over 820 tickets for the movie.

Cassidy was like… we need to be in line RIGHT NOW.

And so here is an interesting fact about me: I have to be the first person (group) into the theater. Second in is okay but if there are three people (groups) in there that means that the selection of BEST SEATS has now been taken by people that were more prepared than I was and during the entire movie I will be annoyed that the second people in there have BETTER SEATS THAN ME. And it will ruin it. And we might as well just go home because the movie sucks.

The End.

We were back in line around 5:00PM with chairs, blankets and carnitas burritos from the Taco joint next to the theater. And then about 15 minutes later I was like HOLY SHIT IT’S COLD WE NEED BETTER GEAR. Cassidy’s Twilight blanket was just NOT cutting it.

After Cassidy’s friend got there I left them to discuss Edward & Bella vs Edward & Jacob and ran back to the house to grabbed scarves, gloves, a few down comforters and some hot chocolate for the girls and a coffee for me. It was about 7:00PM when I got back, the time I had PLANNED on getting there, and the line was down the front of the building, down the side of the building, around the corner and half way down the back of it. I am REALLY GLAD we happened to stop by at 4:00PM. I would NOT have been the 1st (or 2nd or 14th) person in the theater.

I settled in for the long wait with my coffee and a Sookie Stackhouse book on my Nook while the girls ate candy to “stay away” and did laps around the building to let me know how much the line had grown as well as take MANY trips to the bathroom. I think it was warm in the bathroom.

We were finally let in around 10:45PM and they had five theaters open. You got to choose which one you wanted to go into and I choose the one more out of the way thinking the group of 40 in line in front of us would have gone into the closer, bigger theaters and I was right. We were the third group in. And although it cause a slight heart palpitation, we ended up getting the seats I wanted with the bar in front of us instead of seats so we could put our feet up.

Ben showed up at exactly 10:45PM and waited in line long enough to hand his ticket to the attendant to get in the door. He was the clear WINNAR.

So that’s why I didn’t blog on Thursday. We got home about 2:30AM, I was asleep by 3:00AM. My alarm went off an hour and a half later to get up for work. It was brutal.

When I got home from work on Friday I wrote the previous blog and Cassidy and I fell asleep. Woke up long enough to go to dinner with Ben then came home and fell asleep again for the night. I didn’t realize till today that the previous blog had never posted. So basically now I’m TWO days behind. I’m done with NaBloPoMo but that’s okay. I’ve had a good time and feel like I’ve gotten my “blogging legs” back. I also think that when I don’t feel like I have to post EVERY day that my posts will be better. Better quality, a little less often.

Starting tomorrow. When I write a review of the new Twilight movie. Basic synopsis: MEH.

Again, I blame Edward Cullen.