In busy areas in California we have carpool lanes, specific lanes designated to vehicles with more than one person created to decrease congestion and coax people into ride sharing. Depending on the area, the laws for the lanes differ. In LA they are designated carpool lanes 24 hours a day and often once you get in one, you have to wait till specific spots to get out or back in. Here in the Bay Area there are areas where you have to have 3 or more people but mostly they are 2 or more. But pretty much everywhere in the Bay Area, they are only carpool lanes 5:00AM to 9:00AM and then 3:00PM till 7:00PM Monday through Friday only. You know, high traffic times. The rest of the time anybody who wants can be in the lane.
No matter where you are in the state, the far left lane, the fast lane, is always the carpool lane. It doesn’t stop becoming a fast lane at 3:00PM, it just becomes a fast lane that cars with more than one person are allowed to be in.
I get really, really, REALLY annoyed when at 2:30PM there is a car with two people doing 68 MPH in the carpool lane with cars flying by them and passing them on the right. Many times it’s old people that probably shouldn’t be driving anyway since they haven’t been able to figure out that it’s NOT A CARPOOL LANE AT 2:30PM EVEN THOUGH THERE IS A SIGN EVERY 50 GODDAMN FEET TELLING YOU THIS IS THE CASE.
The rest of them are just inconsiderate and/or illiterate assholes that think having that extra butt in a seat means they get to drive in the fast lane at 3 MPH over the speed limit blocking traffic and causing cars to play lane tag to get around them. Really, this just slows traffic down and often times leads to rear end accidents that FURTHER slow traffic down and this is exactly why I’ve decided that Carpool Lane Abusers are on my Worst Kind of Human List.
I haven’t exactly compiled a complete list so it’s very short at this point but I plan to add to is as I go along in life. Feel free to offer suggestions! This is what I have so far:
- Crack addicts
- Carpool Lane Abusers
- People that don’t pick up their dog’s poop at the dog park.
- People that touch me for any reason unless you are somebody I don’t hate (and even then don’t touch me).
OH HI INTERNET FRIENDS!
I’m here! I’m alive! I’m a blogging slacker. I keep meaning to start logging my life here again. I always tell people that the biggest reason I blog is to be able to look back in 40 years and remember what happened.
I was going to make a The Notebook/Ryan Gosling joke here but instead I got lost in a sea of HEY GIRL images. STOP SIDETRACKING ME, GOOGLE!
So, Christmas! It happened! And so did New Years! So here, past self, is how we spent the 2013 holiday. I’ve also included pictures to remind you what you looked like before you ROCKED those stunning gray locks.
This was the year that you plugged in the tree to find that several of the strands of white lights had stopped working leaving dark patches on the tree. This was completely unacceptable for you for Control Freak reasons so you decided to remove the lights from the pre-strung tree. You never really liked white lights on the tree and no matter how hard Ben tries to convince you that you were using this as an excuse to get rid of them, it really wasn’t that. It really did just keep you up at night and instead of sleeping you were thinking about all the lights that were out and how are you supposed to sleep when this drama is happening right downstairs and threatening to ruin Christmas for everybody!?
It only took three and a half hours to completely remove them from the tree and then three and a half days for the feeling to come back to your finger tips.
The new color lights looked great though! Plus, LED! This was when LED had just started to become really popular. Cars didn’t drive themselves yet and Hoverounds didn’t actually hover!
You got a few new ornaments this year to add to your now extensive geeky ornament collection. The highlight was the Yoda tree topper. The very one you are still using to this day because OMG YODA TREE TOPPER THAT WILL NEVER GET OLD.
You know that adorable sweater you wear to the retirement home’s Christmas party every year? At one point people didn’t appreciate your artistic genius and this is the year that it won your work’s Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest!
You got some pretty awesome gifts! Including an iPad Mini that Ben “wrapped” in pretzels and cheeseballs!
Cassidy got a guitar and then we didn’t see her for a month straight but we were always able to hear that she was at home!
Ben got some cool gifts too! Including a ride in the Millenium Falcon!
All in all it was a fantastic holiday and you really enjoyed yourself! It wasn’t as good as that year that Ben bought you a Ferrari but it was close!
You spent New Years Eve with the always awesome Julie, Chris, Kim and Melanie. I’m not sure how you managed to get together with Julie and only get two pictures. I know, it’s UNTHINKABLE. But there are only two.
This one would have been MUCH cuter if you hadn’t gorged yourself on a 10 ounce filet mignon at dinner at Shadowbrook in Capitola. Then you wouldn’t have immediately ran upstairs to change out of your jeans and into your fat pants as soon as you got home.
You only made one resolution this year and it was to blog more. Hopefully you stuck to it and have a lot more memories documents for Ryan Gosling to read back to you from his little notebook!
PS – Ben, don’t make this entire blog post a lie. Buy your wife a Ferrari!
This is how you troll yourself on the internet and why my BFF is the BEST BFF.
IT WAS A PACKAGE FOR ME! And there is EVEN A TROLLFACE ON THE LABEL!
It will be displayed under the tree with pride till Christmas day when I cut myself opening it and end up in the ER and it’s ALL JULIE‘S FAULT! WHY ARE YOU RUINING CHRISTMAS, JULIE!?
Only 15 day till Christmas! That’s just two weeks! I have to admit this year that I am WAY behind where I usually am. Generally the day after Thanksgiving when everybody is out fighting it out in stores for those Black Friday deals, I’m online checking out all the website and making lists and planning on what I’m going to grab on Cyber Monday. I’m a BIG fan of online shopping for Christmas since around this time of year stuff is on sale and you can catch free shipping deals. I’d much rather sit on my couch sipping a mimosa in my PJ while shopping than venture out in the cold to elbow through crowds. Plus, you get to browse all the pretties. Like, I love these necklaces!
HOWEVER, this year I slacked big time. Black Friday I was REALLY sick then on Cyber Monday too! I’ve purchased exactly two items for Christmas so far so I have a LOT of making up to do over the next 15 days. I’m actually a little overwhelmed. I don’t even have a list yet! Not just a list of what I want to get others but a list for what I want too!
So, how about you?
I can remember when I used to blog at the end of every weekend to recap whatever it was we had done and somehow it was funny and silly and made people laugh. I know because they told me that I was funny and made them laugh. I haven’t done that in a long long time. Maybe just because I’m lazy, realistically it’s probably because I’m lazy, but also: OLD.
Weekends used to be parties and trips and race cars. Now weekends are naps and laundry and then more naps possibly followed by an exciting trip to the grocery store. Really, you don’t understand just how amazing a good nap is when you’re in your early 20s. I mean, you don’t if you’re doing your early 20s properly.
One funny thing did happen though. Well, funny in retrospect.
Saturday night Ben went to bed early because he had to be up early to run a 5K and I stayed up to “knit a few more rows”. I had started to finish watching Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (which, TANGENT, is my second most favorite movie in the world which makes me seem like a HORRIBLE judge of movies but it has a great deal to do with the fact that I’m a huge sentimentalist and it I can’t see it without thinking of my high school years fondly so stop judging me, asshole. /TANGENT)
Cassidy suddenly came bounding down the stairs and yelling something at me in a horribly high pitched squeal that resembled something like what I’d assume a tortured hyena sounds like about her friend Joel wanting to say hi. I mean, I assuming it was “bounding” because I don’t know what else it is you call it when a teenage girl manages to clear an entire set of stairs in three steps and 1.89 seconds.
I think I said okay. I don’t actually remember because before I knew what was happening the dogs were trying to eat Joel’s face and Cassidy was still using hyena voice and EVERYBODY SHUT UP, I’M MISSING KEVIN COSTNER’S ASS ON THE TV.
She asked if they could “hang out” and I didn’t want them in the house because Ben was trying to sleep but I didn’t want to be That Mom I Swore I’d Never Be and chase this poor kid out of my house with a butcher knife so I told her she could go somewhere with him and to be home by 10:30PM. TEN THIRTY. If my mom had given me a TEN THIRTY curfue at 15 I’d have spit battery acid in her face before slamming ALL THE DOORS and leaving anyway because YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME (PS CAN I HAVE SOME MONEY!? THANKS!).
So off they went.
And I spent the next 1 hour and 15 minutes rotating between:
1) FREAKING THE FUCK OUT SHE JUST LEFT WITH A BOY
2) Check clock on phone
3) WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING SHE’S WITH A BOY
4) Check the clock on the TV
5) WHY IS SHE FIFTEEN!? SHE WAS JUST FIVE, LIKE, LAST WEEK
6) Check the clock on iPad
7) MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH THEM THAT WOULDN’T SEEM ODD AT ALL I’M, LIKE, TOTALLY COOL MAN
8) Check clock on microwave
9) Drink glass of wine to stop hyperventilating
10) Check clock on oven
This entire process took about 60 seconds so I repeated it 75 times till they got home at which point I made sure to act like I was totally cool, man.
They went to Starbucks. I LOVE STARBUCKS! I COULD HAVE GONE TO STARBUCKS TO HANG OUT! I’M FUCKING COOL! MAN!
He’s a really nice kid. I mean, he’s a really nice kid around me. Which means he’s at least smart enough to be polite in the presence of a crazy woman and that can say a lot about a kid. He even thanked me for letting Cassidy hang out since they hadn’t seen each other in awhile and even though they are just friends I decided that I like him and they are allowed to hang out again.
In another 15 year.